You Get What You Tolerate
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You Get What You Tolerate
I know this is not a new quote, but it came to me at one of those times yesterday when I was ready to REALLY hear it.
I think I saw it attributed to Ilanya VanZant, but after googling I saw that Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, also said it.
So, I really started thinking about how I too often allow thing in my life that I don't want to tolerate, but do. I was watching Oprah's interview with Deepak Chopra and they had this talk about karma being energy and that what you do is already coming back at you. True--I started to put this tolerate quote together with the karma discussion and wondered if we are all reflections, if we are not doing the Cosmos some harm by taking in and then mirroring back the unacceptable behavior that we are allowing into our worlds?
So it adds a nuance whether I'm willing, in any given situation, to:
Accept
Change
Detach from
Tolerate.
I've always been too heavy on the side of acceptance and detachment. But you can accept and still not tolerate. You can detach and still not tolerate. That's my big aha for the day.
I can accept that someone will probably spew all kinds of garbage while we drive into the City because he's already been drinking spiked Coca-Cola at 9am, and I can detach from it, too. But if I choose not to tolerate it, the next time I'm going to say, I'll take my own car. Get to the City however you want to.
I think I saw it attributed to Ilanya VanZant, but after googling I saw that Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, also said it.
So, I really started thinking about how I too often allow thing in my life that I don't want to tolerate, but do. I was watching Oprah's interview with Deepak Chopra and they had this talk about karma being energy and that what you do is already coming back at you. True--I started to put this tolerate quote together with the karma discussion and wondered if we are all reflections, if we are not doing the Cosmos some harm by taking in and then mirroring back the unacceptable behavior that we are allowing into our worlds?
So it adds a nuance whether I'm willing, in any given situation, to:
Accept
Change
Detach from
Tolerate.
I've always been too heavy on the side of acceptance and detachment. But you can accept and still not tolerate. You can detach and still not tolerate. That's my big aha for the day.
I can accept that someone will probably spew all kinds of garbage while we drive into the City because he's already been drinking spiked Coca-Cola at 9am, and I can detach from it, too. But if I choose not to tolerate it, the next time I'm going to say, I'll take my own car. Get to the City however you want to.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
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Good quote. Thanks for sharing. I think I should get it as a tattoo so I don't forget it. 
The whole karmic thing...I finally felt I had to leave my A because it was the wrong thing to do to take his abuse. It's almost like I wasn't doing it because I truly believed I deserved better, but because some mysterious voice out there was telling me "no more". No, I don't actually hear voices, lol! But it really felt as if my world was shifting without me even trying, telling me I had to put things in balance again.
The whole karmic thing...I finally felt I had to leave my A because it was the wrong thing to do to take his abuse. It's almost like I wasn't doing it because I truly believed I deserved better, but because some mysterious voice out there was telling me "no more". No, I don't actually hear voices, lol! But it really felt as if my world was shifting without me even trying, telling me I had to put things in balance again.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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What I realize now is that when I was in it, I began to relate to everyone and everything as if I was constantly being attacked. I found myself asking , why am I reacting like this all the time, this is not me.
Answer, my brain was in the habit of always deflecting, defending, protecting, it was filtering into every aspect of my life.
Things have changed dramtically now that I am in a more compassionate and calm state of mind. It's amazing.
It's true, what you put out you get back.
Thanks for the post, I like it. :ghug3
Answer, my brain was in the habit of always deflecting, defending, protecting, it was filtering into every aspect of my life.
Things have changed dramtically now that I am in a more compassionate and calm state of mind. It's amazing.
It's true, what you put out you get back.
Thanks for the post, I like it. :ghug3
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Originally Posted by Katiekate 
What I realize now is that when I was in it, I began to relate to everyone and everything as if I was constantly being attacked. I found myself asking , why am I reacting like this all the time, this is not me.
Answer, my brain was in the habit of always deflecting, defending, protecting, it was filtering into every aspect of my life.
Things have changed dramtically now that I am in a more compassionate and calm state of mind. It's amazing.
It's true, what you put out you get back.
Answer, my brain was in the habit of always deflecting, defending, protecting, it was filtering into every aspect of my life.
Things have changed dramtically now that I am in a more compassionate and calm state of mind. It's amazing.
It's true, what you put out you get back.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Great Post!
Me too! It is so tricky for me to separate acceptance and tolerance. Not being able to do that about did me in and you are right - I was not reflecting positive energy out into my world.
Originally Posted by SoloMio
I've always been too heavy on the side of acceptance and detachment. But you can accept and still not tolerate. You can detach and still not tolerate. That's my big aha for the day.
Me too! It is so tricky for me to separate acceptance and tolerance. Not being able to do that about did me in and you are right - I was not reflecting positive energy out into my world.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,754
Originally Posted by SoloMio
Yes! The other piece of it for me came when I was watching Oprah talking to Deepak Chopra and they were talking about karma and how what you put out you are already getting back. I've always figured I'm "safe" because I try to put out positive energy and expect that back. But if we are all mirrors of each other and we're bouncing stuff out to the Universe, if we tolerate bad stuff, maybe we're not only deflecting but also Reflecting it back out there, so we're STILL emitting the bad karma we're tolerating--until we just stop it.
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Location: Litchfield Park, AZ
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Yesterday, I was reflecting on the phrase:
In this life, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
For me, that fits with the concept that I don't have any control over people, places and things. I can't even control how I react--(and if you don't believe that, try shutting off your emotions next time you're really angry, or really scared--our emotions, (our bodies), often betray us).
But I can control my actions. And that's where my karma comes from.
I'm fortunate, right now, to be living with a recovering alcoholic. But I spent 15 years of my life living with an active alcoholic, and it was miserable. My actions. My actions made me miserable.
Granted, I didn't have the tools at the time to see a way out. While my wife was in rehab, a counselor asked me how I felt. And I said I felt like I was in prison, but that it was a prison I had build for myself...one brick at a time. The crazy part, I later realized, was that the door to that prison was always there, and all I had to do was open it.
In this life, pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
For me, that fits with the concept that I don't have any control over people, places and things. I can't even control how I react--(and if you don't believe that, try shutting off your emotions next time you're really angry, or really scared--our emotions, (our bodies), often betray us).
But I can control my actions. And that's where my karma comes from.
I'm fortunate, right now, to be living with a recovering alcoholic. But I spent 15 years of my life living with an active alcoholic, and it was miserable. My actions. My actions made me miserable.
Granted, I didn't have the tools at the time to see a way out. While my wife was in rehab, a counselor asked me how I felt. And I said I felt like I was in prison, but that it was a prison I had build for myself...one brick at a time. The crazy part, I later realized, was that the door to that prison was always there, and all I had to do was open it.
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