Self doubt!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Self doubt!
I posted a thread a few days ago about my solicitors appointment on Wednesday, I was super nervous and felt I was doing the wrong thing..
Well I spoke to my DV support worker, my very trusted stand in sponsor and another FA friend and they all told me to hurry up and get in there and get this ball rolling.. So I did.
I went in and for the first time managed to tell bits of my story (just those parts that relate to why my ex isn't allowed unsupervised contact by SS!) outside of the DV centre/FA meeting. I felt kind of weird, breaking the silence is huge to me because it was always all a huge secret.
Anyway, my solicitor is amazing, she specialises in DV and child protection and she's in charge of the whole family law team. The office is all female aswell! They were recommended by the DV centre and they were definitely spot on.
So after some discussion we agreed to send my ex a letter to say its inappropriate for me to supervise contact any longer due to his erratic, insane and verbally abusive behaviour. As he hasn't seen a solicitor or made an application to court he isn't currently eligible for a government supervised contact centre and will have to be proactive in finding someone suitable to supervise (there isn't anyone) or a suitable activity (toddler classes etc where I would drop off and pick up). Not ideal but in the current situation it's the best I can do! I expect him to receive the letter on Wednesday as she agreed to post it on Tuesday so their office is open when he receives it in case he threatens me or turns up here. If he contacts me after Tuesday I will have grounds to file an injunction as its now a legal matter.
Terrifying! I feel so guilty and selfish but I mentally cannot continue to supervise contact as he is completely crazy. I'm so sad, it's like a final nail in the coffin. I'm trying not to dwell but I feel really sad about it
Well I spoke to my DV support worker, my very trusted stand in sponsor and another FA friend and they all told me to hurry up and get in there and get this ball rolling.. So I did.
I went in and for the first time managed to tell bits of my story (just those parts that relate to why my ex isn't allowed unsupervised contact by SS!) outside of the DV centre/FA meeting. I felt kind of weird, breaking the silence is huge to me because it was always all a huge secret.
Anyway, my solicitor is amazing, she specialises in DV and child protection and she's in charge of the whole family law team. The office is all female aswell! They were recommended by the DV centre and they were definitely spot on.
So after some discussion we agreed to send my ex a letter to say its inappropriate for me to supervise contact any longer due to his erratic, insane and verbally abusive behaviour. As he hasn't seen a solicitor or made an application to court he isn't currently eligible for a government supervised contact centre and will have to be proactive in finding someone suitable to supervise (there isn't anyone) or a suitable activity (toddler classes etc where I would drop off and pick up). Not ideal but in the current situation it's the best I can do! I expect him to receive the letter on Wednesday as she agreed to post it on Tuesday so their office is open when he receives it in case he threatens me or turns up here. If he contacts me after Tuesday I will have grounds to file an injunction as its now a legal matter.
Terrifying! I feel so guilty and selfish but I mentally cannot continue to supervise contact as he is completely crazy. I'm so sad, it's like a final nail in the coffin. I'm trying not to dwell but I feel really sad about it
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Windmills, keep yourself surrounded by support right now, maybe go to some meetings and begin working on your issues, because I promise you that doing this will help you heal and grow more than you know.
Keeping secrets will fester over time and eat you alive. It may be frightening to let the secrets out, but it is freeing too. Share with safe people, those who truly understand and don't judge.
You are doing all the right things for you and for your child. Stay on the good path and know that bad days don't last forever and good days are waiting to happen as you close the door on the past and open a new door called new beginnings.
Hugs
Keeping secrets will fester over time and eat you alive. It may be frightening to let the secrets out, but it is freeing too. Share with safe people, those who truly understand and don't judge.
You are doing all the right things for you and for your child. Stay on the good path and know that bad days don't last forever and good days are waiting to happen as you close the door on the past and open a new door called new beginnings.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Thank you Ann 
I'm going to a meeting tonight actually, I haven't been to a proper meeting for 2 weeks and I can really feel it oddly. My thinking has got slightly crazy again!
I'm going to a meeting tonight actually, I haven't been to a proper meeting for 2 weeks and I can really feel it oddly. My thinking has got slightly crazy again!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: North West, England
Posts: 500
Letting go of the fantasy is right I think. I thought I was almost there but I still seem to be tangled up in the shoulda, coulda idea of a perfect family. With a career criminal and drug addict that's completely impossible. I know that. I've known that for months now, but it seems my stupid heart didn't want it to be true. I feel like my head and my heart are having a battle. I have to make sure mt head wins because my heart is stupid.
I love him, but loving someone isn't always a good enough reason to be around them, right? Not when being close to them means complete insanity. Deep breaths.. I need to compose myself before I leave for my meeting in an hour, I get a lift from another group member and I'm liable to break down in her car the rate I'm going today! Tiredness always gets the better of me. If I could catch a good night's sleep I think things would be easier.. Could one of you have a word with my daughter about that?
I love him, but loving someone isn't always a good enough reason to be around them, right? Not when being close to them means complete insanity. Deep breaths.. I need to compose myself before I leave for my meeting in an hour, I get a lift from another group member and I'm liable to break down in her car the rate I'm going today! Tiredness always gets the better of me. If I could catch a good night's sleep I think things would be easier.. Could one of you have a word with my daughter about that?
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