releaseme

I really upset or should I say, turned over the applecart, I call my family,since I haven't been drinking. My sister still drinks and ever since I have not been drinking she has been getting the family to go against me for things that don' t make sense. She has also been offering me and asking me why can't I drink.

Why is this whole family dynamic so different? Doesn't make sense to me. Therapists for years have told me I am the scape goat of the family and now maybe I'm finally being strong, they are treating me different. This whole thing doesn't make sense to me.

Thank you for listening

suki44883

Do your parents drink? Sometimes, drinkers feel threatened when one of the fold finds recovery. It kind of forces them to look at their own habits and they don't necessarily like that.

Stay strong and do what is best for you. Your family will either come around or they won't. You don't need anyone's permission to take care of yourself.

jobei

Yes I think that many people get threatened when someone close to them quits. Who knows exactly why... probably because the person knows they are doing something wrong and you quitting reminds them of it... just an idea. I remember when my uncle quit drinking I wasn't as interested in hanging out with him because I was too busy drinking! I can only IMAGINE trying to do this with a spouse that drinks. I did have an alcoholic housemate and I was never able to quit when I lived with him even though I tried a couple times. Well no matter what you need to do what's good for YOU! Who knows... maybe some of it will rub off on your family and you can continue to be strong for them... and most importantly yourself!

Gottalife

I am told the alcoholic can affect up to 20 people around them. When you consider also that often there is more than one alcoholic in a family, it is not surprising that things can go a bit wacky. Family of the sober one maye feel that their drinking is threatened, or it may be that they have run your affairs for so long, they don't want to give up control. When you get sober, you become unpredictable.

As a member of AA I learnt to make my sobriety my number one priority and as I got into the steps I found at step four I began to understand what was happening in terms of my relationships with people (family). There is a lot involved here but one element was that I came to see that sometimes other people were actually wrong. If I thought of them as spiritually sick, and then afforded them the same tolerance and kindness I would show any sick person, this area of conflict began to correct itself.

wpainterw

Releaseme:
Alcoholism has been called a family illness. You are not the only one who has been ill. Your sobriety is perceived as a threat by others in the family and they respond by exerting pressure on you to return to your old ways. This obviously increases the strain on you. I would think that a good way to deal with this would be to lessen the contacts you make with your family during this initial period of your recovery and increase your contacts with others who are making a serious effort to recover, like attending meetings, AA or otherwise, and also getting counseling if you need it and can afford it. The bottom line is that you should start thinking of yourself and try not to feel responsible for or attempt to deal with the problems of others. If you get well then perhaps they will begin to adjust to that whether or not they get well themselves. If that doesn't happen then the important thing is you and not to let yourself get diverted from your main object, to get a good recovery going and live your own life, get some happiness, give yourself a break. Good luck.

W.

m1k3

In terms of your sobriety what your family is doing is unacceptable. One of the big things I learned in recovery (Al-Anon) is that i have choices and I don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. As someone else has suggested you may want to minimize your contact with them until they accept you as a non-drinker.

Just remember that their behavior is not your problem.

foodie1

What suki said

It might be difficult, but try not to let it affect your sobriety and recovery. Set up some boundaries and realize your relationships with them will change.

releaseme

Thank you all for your support and advice. Somebody asked if my parents drink. This is how the dynamics of my family go;

Father; alcoholic
Mother; verbal/emotional abuser and enabler
Me; working on sobriety, quiet, low self confidence
Sister; Drinks often, Narcisstitic, loud, obnoxious
Brother; Drinks with my sister, follower

According to every therapist I have seen, I was always the scape goat in my family. Kept everything inside because I was unable to express my feelings.

My sister has everyone revolve around her and her life. So, of course, they now ALL beleive her and blame me for breaking up the family.
I noticed my sister started treating me different after she knew I wasn't drinking and when i told her it was wrong to have my little nephew in the with her and my brother in law when they were drinking. She did NOT like that at all. Now I feel somewhat sad but also happy. If that makes any sense.

Anna

What I know is that when I change how I behave, it affects the people around me. So, it's not surprising that your stopping drinking is having an affect on your family dynamic.

Stay focused on your recovery.