I begin today
New beginnings are the best!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
I begin today
Hi, my name is Abby. I've been an alcoholic since I was 16 years old. It all started when I was in an abusive relationship. We drank because it was cool, and eventually I started using it to self-medicate when we'd fight and when family life was hard. I started to see being drunk as a way of living, and hangovers soon became the normal way to start my day.
I cannot count on my fingers and toes how many times I have said and done things that I regret, while drinking... Or how many times I've blacked out and woke up to someone telling me how badly I humiliated myself the night before. Let's be real, it got so bad that I was peeing the bed every single night because I'd fall asleep with a ton of alcohol in me that I wasn't able to pass before I "passed" out.
It hinders my marriage and the way I am with my kids. I have been angry and violent, at times, though mostly I am very passive. It hinders our finances, and worst of all, it hinders me. :'( I'm in pain all of the time. Headaches don't even phase me anymore. I now deal with body aches and bones cracking and aching, gum sores, eye twitching, irritability, memory loss, and hair loss. My skin is dry and pale and the alcohol has eaten away at some of my gums, as well. Maybe I'm exaggerating these symptoms, or maybe this is really how it is. Maybe I just don't want to believe it.
On a typical night, I will have 5 glasses of wine and then hit the pillow hard. This is every day, too. I rarely ever skip a day in between. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be sober! I cry thinking about my family and times when I was younger and never needed the alcohol, even despising it!
I decided to join this site today for support and community, and I plan to see a counselor, as well. So hello to everyone.
I cannot count on my fingers and toes how many times I have said and done things that I regret, while drinking... Or how many times I've blacked out and woke up to someone telling me how badly I humiliated myself the night before. Let's be real, it got so bad that I was peeing the bed every single night because I'd fall asleep with a ton of alcohol in me that I wasn't able to pass before I "passed" out.
It hinders my marriage and the way I am with my kids. I have been angry and violent, at times, though mostly I am very passive. It hinders our finances, and worst of all, it hinders me. :'( I'm in pain all of the time. Headaches don't even phase me anymore. I now deal with body aches and bones cracking and aching, gum sores, eye twitching, irritability, memory loss, and hair loss. My skin is dry and pale and the alcohol has eaten away at some of my gums, as well. Maybe I'm exaggerating these symptoms, or maybe this is really how it is. Maybe I just don't want to believe it.
On a typical night, I will have 5 glasses of wine and then hit the pillow hard. This is every day, too. I rarely ever skip a day in between. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be sober! I cry thinking about my family and times when I was younger and never needed the alcohol, even despising it!
I decided to join this site today for support and community, and I plan to see a counselor, as well. So hello to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by TheRestorative 
On a typical night, I will have 5 glasses of wine and then hit the pillow hard. This is every day, too. I rarely ever skip a day in between. I don't want to live like this anymore. I want to be sober! I cry thinking about my family and times when I was younger and never needed the alcohol, even despising it!
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Welcome, Abby. Believe me when I tell you that you aren't alone; you are definitely among others who understand everything you've been through and are going through. Glad you're here - you'll get a lot of support here. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Abby
I don't think you're exaggerating...I've been drinking every day since I was 18 and my list was very similar to yours. I was surprised how quickly things started to get better once sobering up, even after years of abuse.
Glad you're here x
I don't think you're exaggerating...I've been drinking every day since I was 18 and my list was very similar to yours. I was surprised how quickly things started to get better once sobering up, even after years of abuse.
Glad you're here x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
welcome Abby
I think a lot of us can identify with the things you raised in your post.
I drank for 20 years - daily, and all day, for 5...it was truly a soulless existence.
It's never too late to turn things around tho - glad to have you with us
D
I think a lot of us can identify with the things you raised in your post.
I drank for 20 years - daily, and all day, for 5...it was truly a soulless existence.
It's never too late to turn things around tho - glad to have you with us
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome!
I'm glad you've decided to join us! Life really is better without alcohol, even thought it doesn't seem that way right now. I got a lot of hope and support from everyone here and I know you will too!
I'm glad you've decided to join us! Life really is better without alcohol, even thought it doesn't seem that way right now. I got a lot of hope and support from everyone here and I know you will too!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,536
Hi Abby! Very wise of you to see what drinking is doing to your life. I let it almost destroy me before reaching out for help. You'll find similar stories to yours here - you're not alone with this. You can do it, Abby - and have a whole new life.
New beginnings are the best!
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 124
Originally Posted by RiverRunner
Hang in there and stick to your goals. What are your plans for tonight?
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Welcome! :ghug3 Your idea of seeing a counselor is a good one, in my opinion. I've been seeing my addiction counselor for four years now. She helped me get a footing on sobriety and now she cheers me on and helps in other areas of my life. She's a treasure. I'm always telling her boss, the director of the place, to never let her leave. Pay whatever she likes, just keep her there!
I'm over two years sober now with the help of my counselor and this wonderful site.
You can turn your whole life around and it's worth the effort.
She's a treasure. I'm always telling her boss, the director of the place, to never let her leave. Pay whatever she likes, just keep her there!I'm over two years sober now with the help of my counselor and this wonderful site.
You can turn your whole life around and it's worth the effort. Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Hey Abby. I did the same thing as you -- a bottle of wine (5 glasses) every night. I often drank more than that when we would go out on the weekends with friends.
Stick around here and good luck. Being sober is a huge relief.
Stick around here and good luck. Being sober is a huge relief.
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