Dcakes

I had an ex bf- turned out he had an addiction to Roxies- a form of oxycotin i believe. I asked him to stop once i realized his knees didnt hurt because of past trauma, but thats what he told me as to the reasons he needed the pills all the time. I left him and told him to stop. he wouldnt, until his mom caught him and told him he had to. He didnt stop for me, he stopped for his mom. I wonder if he also stopped at all, for himself? I stayed while he was in outpatient program, methadone treatment daily. Not on a high dose, but still any methadone is too much.. He did get off methadone, and a month or two after he finished, i left him. Not entirely because of his past addiction, but its a huge reason. I desire to get married and have kids- he didnt know when he'd want that. And I'd also think, why should i want that with someone that is a past addict and could be again, at any time. Would he be a good father, a good husband?
I called alanon once, i never told him i did that. They said "leave him, you do not know the person he is at all." i didnt believe them, so i stayed. The sex dwindled to nothing, the intimacy was totally gone, he stopped having those long conversations with me when i can tell he got me as a person, the love stopped.

Why am i writing this NOW? I don't know... except what i DO know is that its been 3 months since ive left him, and from what i was told and saw, he was clean and off the methadone. But im sitting her wringing my hands because i worry about him everyday, for the past 3 months, plus that year of his outpatient, that he is ok, clean and mentally stable. How would i know if i dont ask him, but im not going to. I hope to God, and i pray daily that he is ok. What a shame for such a lovely man to not be ok! Im sure hes moved on from me and is doing well in his recovery, but im so scared for him to relapse.

Does anyone know the rates of recovery?

Thanks for listening.

choublak

You called al-anon on the phone and they told you, over the phone, to leave him? That doesn't sound right, and not representative of al-anon. They don't tell people what to do.

sugarbear1

Al Anon has no opinions on outside issues and most likely would only tell you where the meetings are located so you can get your own help.

dollydo

For life? Less than 10%.

A child of an addict will inherit the gene that predisposes them to addiction, they also have a 50% chance of marrying someone who is addicted, not to mention a whole lot of other issues, low self esteem, anger, implusiveness and so on.

Do addicts make good spouses...No. Do addicts make good parents..No.

He has moved on, might be time for you to do the same....get on with your life.

Seren

Um, so I hesitate to walk into this fray again, but as a scientist I have to say:

There is no one specific gene that causes addiction. It is not a simple Mendelian trait. It is much, much more complicated than that. Correlations have been found between several gene regions and addiction, but correlation is not causation. Much more work needs to be done, and environment also plays a large role as well.

I'm sorry that you are so worried about your ex, but his life is his own. You have allowed him the dignity to make his own decisions and handle the consequences. I hope you will learn to treat yourself with the same care and respect. You deserve joy in your life.

Dcakes

thank you for your nice response hydrogirl.

Dcakes

yes i called them, told them i think my bf has an issue- they emailed me information for him and told me that I probably never knew him and that i should leave right away. i just cried and didnt until he refused to stop his habit.