feelingalone43

I have been on here daily, reading and learning. My story is similar to so many others. My AH is trying to "self-control" his drinking. The main difference I see is that he has actually been doing a good job of it. In fact, he is drinking less and less. He had already cut out the bourbon, and went to mainly low-alcohol beer. He is even cutting back on that now.

I have been concentrating on myself and the three C's. My big question is this, Do I point out to him that I have noticed how little he drinks lately, or do I just continue doing what I've been doing; which is not enabling and working on my own health? I want him to know that I like the way things are going, but will bringing it up make him feel like he can slip a few more beers in? I have let my actions speak for me by being up-beat and positive around him. Things are going well in our marriage, both emotionally and physically. So, do I speak up, or just keep going as is?

If anyone has experience in this, I would be grateful to hear about it.

BillyPilgrim

Hi feelingalone

For my input, if someone said something encouraging to me, like for instance, "you are doing well, keep it up "

Or

"Hey you look like you are losing a little weight" (it poured off me when I stopped)

Then I would feel good inside, and would redouble my efforts, but I dont know your full story, so pinches of salt

But

Carrots work better than sticks

Billy

angrywife

My AH was always wanting praise when a day went by that he didn't drink. Personally I have a hard time praising someone for not doing something you're not supposed to do anyway.

changeschoices

I guess cutting back is better than bingeing, but with my XA, his attempts at controlled drinking ultimately failed. Every drink he took, no matter how moderately he drank, only fueled his obsession with alcohol. And he'd always end up bingeing again.

Alcohol to an alcoholic isn't like chocolate to someone who really likes chocolate. I guess that's the best analogy I can think of.

feelingalone43

I have not fooled myself into believing that there will never be another binge, but it does seem as though he can have a low-alcohol beer or two, and then just be done with it for the rest of the day. I can only hope that he isn't just trying to "show me he can do it if he wants to", and that the change is for himself. We all know that A's only change if they truly want to, and they have to do so for themselves or it won't last.

For now, I will continue to appreciate the peace while not expecting miracles. Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond.

akrasia

Normally I'd think if you're moved to say something, just say it.

But here it sounds like you're more concerned with the potential effect of what you'll say. You're happy with how things are going and you're wondering if you say just the right thing you can keep it going in that direction. I get the feeling you're in that mindset of, "What can I do to make this problem better/more manageable?"

I just say that because I've been there! I still go there! It's a common thing if you've spent too long living with an alkie. I vote for just letting him do what he's going to do, and have a think about what you want for yourself.