Pressure
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Pressure
For those who cycle between 'sober' and 'drunk' mode (i.e either being totally abstinent or in total self-destruct mode), do you think that the high level of pressure required to remain abstinent actually leads to more extensive relapses?
I only ask because my pattern seems to be absolute 100% determined abstinence, no drink, no drugs, no ciggies for X amount of time, but as soon as I fall at one tiny hurdle it turns into balls-to-the-wall self destruction mode (a threefold destruction - financial, spiritual and physical) immediately - there's no gradual tapering up to old limits or anything, it seems uncontrollably 'all or nothing'.
Anyone else in the same boat?
I only ask because my pattern seems to be absolute 100% determined abstinence, no drink, no drugs, no ciggies for X amount of time, but as soon as I fall at one tiny hurdle it turns into balls-to-the-wall self destruction mode (a threefold destruction - financial, spiritual and physical) immediately - there's no gradual tapering up to old limits or anything, it seems uncontrollably 'all or nothing'.
Anyone else in the same boat?
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I;m not in it anymore but I was......
For me, I look at that "cycle" that way AA views it - namely that my problem is NOT the drinking. There's something bigger, deeper, behind the scenes and the drinking is just an outward manifestation of that other "thing." Another angle would be to look at it like this - my problem is living life sober. I can't do it happily and successfully for long. Sooner or later, the pressure builds, ppl irritate me enough, problems get progressively more difficult to solve......and I look for an escape valve - one which drinking always provided.
As for the "uncontrollably all or nothing" - you know, that ONLY happens in alcoholics, right? No "normal" drinker experiences that. Again, I'm an AA guy so I'll use AA phraseology - we call that "craving." The craving for more alcohol once the seal is broken and the first one or two are ingested.
That paints ppl like me into a pretty tight corner. When I'm not drinking the pressure is building......until I finally crack and start to drink. Once I start, I can't control it so it's another debacle. You'll notice there's no "don't drink" step in AA......because the program goes after that "pressure" you referred to. Solve that and the drinking is taken care of in it's wake.
For me, I look at that "cycle" that way AA views it - namely that my problem is NOT the drinking. There's something bigger, deeper, behind the scenes and the drinking is just an outward manifestation of that other "thing." Another angle would be to look at it like this - my problem is living life sober. I can't do it happily and successfully for long. Sooner or later, the pressure builds, ppl irritate me enough, problems get progressively more difficult to solve......and I look for an escape valve - one which drinking always provided.
As for the "uncontrollably all or nothing" - you know, that ONLY happens in alcoholics, right? No "normal" drinker experiences that. Again, I'm an AA guy so I'll use AA phraseology - we call that "craving." The craving for more alcohol once the seal is broken and the first one or two are ingested.
That paints ppl like me into a pretty tight corner. When I'm not drinking the pressure is building......until I finally crack and start to drink. Once I start, I can't control it so it's another debacle. You'll notice there's no "don't drink" step in AA......because the program goes after that "pressure" you referred to. Solve that and the drinking is taken care of in it's wake.
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by DayTrader 
I;m not in it anymore but I was......
For me, I look at that "cycle" that way AA views it - namely that my problem is NOT the drinking. There's something bigger, deeper, behind the scenes and the drinking is just an outward manifestation of that other "thing." Another angle would be to look at it like this - my problem is living life sober. I can't do it happily and successfully for long. Sooner or later, the pressure builds, ppl irritate me enough, problems get progressively more difficult to solve......and I look for an escape valve - one which drinking always provided.
As for the "uncontrollably all or nothing" - you know, that ONLY happens in alcoholics, right? No "normal" drinker experiences that. Again, I'm an AA guy so I'll use AA phraseology - we call that "craving." The craving for more alcohol once the seal is broken and the first one or two are ingested.
That paints ppl like me into a pretty tight corner. When I'm not drinking the pressure is building......until I finally crack and start to drink. Once I start, I can't control it so it's another debacle. You'll notice there's no "don't drink" step in AA......because the program goes after that "pressure" you referred to. Solve that and the drinking is taken care of in it's wake.
For me, I look at that "cycle" that way AA views it - namely that my problem is NOT the drinking. There's something bigger, deeper, behind the scenes and the drinking is just an outward manifestation of that other "thing." Another angle would be to look at it like this - my problem is living life sober. I can't do it happily and successfully for long. Sooner or later, the pressure builds, ppl irritate me enough, problems get progressively more difficult to solve......and I look for an escape valve - one which drinking always provided.
As for the "uncontrollably all or nothing" - you know, that ONLY happens in alcoholics, right? No "normal" drinker experiences that. Again, I'm an AA guy so I'll use AA phraseology - we call that "craving." The craving for more alcohol once the seal is broken and the first one or two are ingested.
That paints ppl like me into a pretty tight corner. When I'm not drinking the pressure is building......until I finally crack and start to drink. Once I start, I can't control it so it's another debacle. You'll notice there's no "don't drink" step in AA......because the program goes after that "pressure" you referred to. Solve that and the drinking is taken care of in it's wake.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Other than what Daytrader said, which makes perfect sense to me, you answered your own question when you said " boozing is still higher on my priorities list than anything else."
When sobriety assumes that level of importance and you become willing to go to any lengths to achieve it, success will be yours.
When sobriety assumes that level of importance and you become willing to go to any lengths to achieve it, success will be yours.
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Other than what Daytrader said, which makes perfect sense to me, you answered your own question when you said " boozing is still higher on my priorities list than anything else."
When sobriety assumes that level of importance and you become willing to go to any lengths to achieve it, success will be yours.
When sobriety assumes that level of importance and you become willing to go to any lengths to achieve it, success will be yours.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Your inability to change once you have one drink indicates that AA could help you, if you are willing to put the effort in to staying stopped. The only pressure I had was self imposed.
For me, drinking is not an issue; it's not an option. I don't drink today no matter how "good" or "bad" things are. I refuse to get stuck in that cycle of self-destruction.
For me, drinking is not an issue; it's not an option. I don't drink today no matter how "good" or "bad" things are. I refuse to get stuck in that cycle of self-destruction.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: England
Posts: 405
Hey Mung,
Personally it's my first attempt at not drinking. My greatest fear is reaching the stage at which you mentioned. The pressure of not drinking becomming so much that you drink. I have thoughts of necking some vodka and getting all destructive, but like sugarbear says it's not an otptions for me.
I can not guarantee that I will not be destructive again I'm in pastures new with not drinking. But on occasions the drinking has been so destructive that it must no longer be an option for me to self destruct again, I have so much fear of it happening again and where it will lead that no matter how stressed, or how much pressure there is, drinking is not an option.
Personally it's my first attempt at not drinking. My greatest fear is reaching the stage at which you mentioned. The pressure of not drinking becomming so much that you drink. I have thoughts of necking some vodka and getting all destructive, but like sugarbear says it's not an otptions for me.
I can not guarantee that I will not be destructive again I'm in pastures new with not drinking. But on occasions the drinking has been so destructive that it must no longer be an option for me to self destruct again, I have so much fear of it happening again and where it will lead that no matter how stressed, or how much pressure there is, drinking is not an option.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
'I' do not want to drink, but 'something' in my does
The problem is it doesn't go away once we get sober. I just keeps on telling us the same old stuff we bought into for years ("One won't hurt" "It wasn't that bad").... we just have to keep siding with sane part of us that knows better and get all the tools and support we need to help us do that.
I totally agree that you don't have to hit some kind of rock bottom - there's always a lower one out there anyway.....
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
It'll kill me one day. I've got to start uni again after making a hash of my first time around (utterly humiliating myself due to the drinking/drug taking). I'm terrified that if I don't fit in second time round i'll end up having to do something similar to Cage in Leaving Las Vegas - quite sad to think I have it all planned out age 18... Still, sober for today.. just..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Are you starting Uni again from scratch? Treat it as a second chance!
I hate to be all 'learn from my mistakes' but...I really nearly completely screwed up college. I missed half of my second year because I was just getting drunk. I was lucky I didn't get kicked out. And my reputation has followed me into my professional life somewhat. Not much but enough. I managed to scrape through by the skin of my teeth and go on to get a decent job but I really wish I could go back and make the most of the opportunities I had there and not have that 'reputation'.
Make another plan MM. Work your ass off on your sobriety before you start and when you get there find some sober friends. It's fairly clear that picking up that first drink is not an option for you so just keep working on that for now. Have you been looking into AVRT or AA? You have all the resources you could possibly need here and lots of support. I hope you use them x
I hate to be all 'learn from my mistakes' but...I really nearly completely screwed up college. I missed half of my second year because I was just getting drunk. I was lucky I didn't get kicked out. And my reputation has followed me into my professional life somewhat. Not much but enough. I managed to scrape through by the skin of my teeth and go on to get a decent job but I really wish I could go back and make the most of the opportunities I had there and not have that 'reputation'.
Make another plan MM. Work your ass off on your sobriety before you start and when you get there find some sober friends. It's fairly clear that picking up that first drink is not an option for you so just keep working on that for now. Have you been looking into AVRT or AA? You have all the resources you could possibly need here and lots of support. I hope you use them x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
For those who cycle between 'sober' and 'drunk' mode (i.e either being totally abstinent or in total self-destruct mode), do you think that the high level of pressure required to remain abstinent actually leads to more extensive relapses?
I only ask because my pattern seems to be absolute 100% determined abstinence, no drink, no drugs, no ciggies for X amount of time, but as soon as I fall at one tiny hurdle it turns into balls-to-the-wall self destruction mode (a threefold destruction - financial, spiritual and physical) immediately - there's no gradual tapering up to old limits or anything, it seems uncontrollably 'all or nothing'.
Anyone else in the same boat?
I only ask because my pattern seems to be absolute 100% determined abstinence, no drink, no drugs, no ciggies for X amount of time, but as soon as I fall at one tiny hurdle it turns into balls-to-the-wall self destruction mode (a threefold destruction - financial, spiritual and physical) immediately - there's no gradual tapering up to old limits or anything, it seems uncontrollably 'all or nothing'.
Anyone else in the same boat?
I think a lot of alcoholics are very black and white...yes/no, right/wrong, pass/fail...I certainly was.
For years my most used saying was 'I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb' meaning if I've screwed up I may as well screw up big.
It made perfect sense to me at the time...but I look back at it now and I find it self indulgent and adolescent.
Fear kept me from being completely sober for a long time - fear of change mixed with some pride too..I didn't want to have to change.
Once I accepted that I needed to change, and that my recovery needed to be the fulcrum on which the rest of my life swung, things got easier.
I wonder whats keeping you tethered to that way of life?
Rock bottom need not be an event...it can be a decision not to live that way another day.
If you're having trouble staying committed mung, I recommend looking at all the means of support open to you...if you tried AA, try AVRT or SMART or SOS or lifering...try counselling...if all else falls rehab is another option....
there's always hope mung - sometimes it can take a little work and a willingness to try new things, but recovery is possible
D
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by hypochondriac
Are you starting Uni again from scratch? Treat it as a second chance!
I hate to be all 'learn from my mistakes' but...I really nearly completely screwed up college. I missed half of my second year because I was just getting drunk. I was lucky I didn't get kicked out. And my reputation has followed me into my professional life somewhat. Not much but enough. I managed to scrape through by the skin of my teeth and go on to get a decent job but I really wish I could go back and make the most of the opportunities I had there and not have that 'reputation'.
Make another plan MM. Work your ass off on your sobriety before you start and when you get there find some sober friends. It's fairly clear that picking up that first drink is not an option for you so just keep working on that for now. Have you been looking into AVRT or AA? You have all the resources you could possibly need here and lots of support. I hope you use them x
I hate to be all 'learn from my mistakes' but...I really nearly completely screwed up college. I missed half of my second year because I was just getting drunk. I was lucky I didn't get kicked out. And my reputation has followed me into my professional life somewhat. Not much but enough. I managed to scrape through by the skin of my teeth and go on to get a decent job but I really wish I could go back and make the most of the opportunities I had there and not have that 'reputation'.
Make another plan MM. Work your ass off on your sobriety before you start and when you get there find some sober friends. It's fairly clear that picking up that first drink is not an option for you so just keep working on that for now. Have you been looking into AVRT or AA? You have all the resources you could possibly need here and lots of support. I hope you use them x
Plan before uni starts:
- Travel (Thailand woo!) and decide if I really want to do go back. My place is at a top 5 UK uni and the people are not really 'me'. They're all very well brought up and hard-working whereas i'm there by luck really. I may be happier keeping my job in a shop and living a regular life.
- Get the bank to remove my interest free overdraft, since i've drank £1000 of their money away, only to have to dig into my (now non-existent) savings to bring my balance back into the black.
- Try to form a hobby so that I can meet sober friends when I do start university again.
I'm pretty worried it'll all go **** up. I've been spoiled by opportunity since I was born pretty much, no money (single parent on benefits/welfare) but for some reason every adult i've encountered has seen something in me and helped me reach the top. I don't deserve my university place and I worry i'll ruin the opportunity everyone else has set up for me by falling off the wagon again. Everyone was sober last time so my behaviour really stood out.. I ended up having to run away due to the utter shame I brought upon myself.. couldn't even look my flatmates in the eye.
God, i've written another essay again. I need to put this energy into a novel (!) I am determined, partially due to the testament of people like yourself, to not make a hash of my educational opportunities this time. I even know the recipe to make sure it doesn't happen. But ALL i know is partying, I grew up with people who I got to know before the drink and we all fell into a rut together. They're now climbing out and all I know how to do is drink. Emotionally speaking, i'm a baby in an (almost) adults body. I'm terrified to go back to uni.
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by Dee74
yep.
I think a lot of alcoholics are very black and white...yes/no, right/wrong, pass/fail...I certainly was.
For years my most used saying was 'I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb' meaning if I've screwed up I may as well screw up big.
It made perfect sense to me at the time...but I look back at it now and I find it self indulgent and adolescent.
Fear kept me from being completely sober for a long time - fear of change mixed with some pride too..I didn't want to have to change.
Once I accepted that I needed to change, and that my recovery needed to be the fulcrum on which the rest of my life swung, things got easier.
I wonder whats keeping you tethered to that way of life?
Rock bottom need not be an event...it can be a decision not to live that way another day.
If you're having trouble staying committed mung, I recommend looking at all the means of support open to you...if you tried AA, try AVRT or SMART or SOS or lifering...try counselling...if all else falls rehab is another option....
there's always hope mung - sometimes it can take a little work and a willingness to try new things, but recovery is possible
D
I think a lot of alcoholics are very black and white...yes/no, right/wrong, pass/fail...I certainly was.
For years my most used saying was 'I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb' meaning if I've screwed up I may as well screw up big.
It made perfect sense to me at the time...but I look back at it now and I find it self indulgent and adolescent.
Fear kept me from being completely sober for a long time - fear of change mixed with some pride too..I didn't want to have to change.
Once I accepted that I needed to change, and that my recovery needed to be the fulcrum on which the rest of my life swung, things got easier.
I wonder whats keeping you tethered to that way of life?
Rock bottom need not be an event...it can be a decision not to live that way another day.
If you're having trouble staying committed mung, I recommend looking at all the means of support open to you...if you tried AA, try AVRT or SMART or SOS or lifering...try counselling...if all else falls rehab is another option....
there's always hope mung - sometimes it can take a little work and a willingness to try new things, but recovery is possible
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
There is a phrase often used in AA,
"A head full of AA and a bellyful of drink"
Your worst nightmare.
But abstinence and a total change of lifestyle are necessary and a 100% commitment to quitting. So, people become resentful of AA for messing with their heads!
But, the primary flaw to that logic, is what were they doing going to an AA meeting in the first place? Presumably, alcohol was a problem.
Alcohol was kicking their butt to begin with, right?
"A head full of AA and a bellyful of drink"
Your worst nightmare.
But abstinence and a total change of lifestyle are necessary and a 100% commitment to quitting. So, people become resentful of AA for messing with their heads!
But, the primary flaw to that logic, is what were they doing going to an AA meeting in the first place? Presumably, alcohol was a problem.
Alcohol was kicking their butt to begin with, right?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I wasn't being critical btw...drinking for me was an attempt to keep life in stasis...a lot of us suspended our personal growth for a lot of years...
once I stopped drinking completely, I 'grew up' to my chronological age pretty quickly.
You seem intelligent and self aware and not afraid of doing what you need to do, mung - a little self doubt is to be expected I think, but I really believe you can do this
D
once I stopped drinking completely, I 'grew up' to my chronological age pretty quickly.
You seem intelligent and self aware and not afraid of doing what you need to do, mung - a little self doubt is to be expected I think, but I really believe you can do this
D
Jake, 19
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 212
Originally Posted by Dee74
I wasn't being critical btw...drinking for me was an attempt to keep life in stasis...a lot of us suspended our personal growth for a lot of years...
once I stopped drinking completely, I 'grew up' to my chronological age pretty quickly.
You seem intelligent and self aware and not afraid of doing what you need to do, mung - a little self doubt is to be expected I think, but I really believe you can do this
D
once I stopped drinking completely, I 'grew up' to my chronological age pretty quickly.
You seem intelligent and self aware and not afraid of doing what you need to do, mung - a little self doubt is to be expected I think, but I really believe you can do this
D
I do worry i've 'frozen' myself at age 12 or so... I have a lot of trouble coping with strong emotions/responsibilities. A great analogy I like to use is that to me, alcohol serves as a dummy, or a babies rattle - an essentially useless object of comfort. If a baby was to remain dependent on his rattle into adulthood, there would be concern for him. With alcohol, there is no such concern, especially if one can manage to keep one's drinking to oneself.
Thanks again for your encouragement. I hope to unscramble my brain once and for all and finally be 'content' sober without having to search for the next intoxicant..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
If you're liking AVRT then I strongly suggest you talk to Terminally Unique about it. It sounds like you need to get some help sooner rather than later to stop you from drinking again. Make sure that in all your plans you make staying sober your first priority. I know what it feels like to be stuck in a rut but you don't have to stay there.
There is absolutely no reason why you don't deserve these opportunities MM. But remember that you get to make your own path in life. Have a good think about what you want to do...if you don't end up going back to Uni then I'm sure you'd still make a good go of it (provided you stop drinking) but then don't let fear stop you from doing anything either. I never fitted in where I was either but drinking my way through my own inadequacies wasn't very productive.
Put your energy into staying sober and the rest will come a lot easier x
There is absolutely no reason why you don't deserve these opportunities MM. But remember that you get to make your own path in life. Have a good think about what you want to do...if you don't end up going back to Uni then I'm sure you'd still make a good go of it (provided you stop drinking) but then don't let fear stop you from doing anything either. I never fitted in where I was either but drinking my way through my own inadequacies wasn't very productive.
Put your energy into staying sober and the rest will come a lot easier x
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