Boxer1

I have been drinking pretty heavily for 20 plus years. It started at a Church retreat when I was 15 (big for my age) and hasnt stopped yet. Im 41 now. Not to be a geek but I remember an episode of Family Ties where Tom Hanks was the charismatic alcaholic uncle and I think Im him. I have always covered well somehow have been recruited by another company who will double my pay (now 6 figures, holy crap!!!). Im fairly freaked out that I have this opportunity and cant blow this and I wont. Seems like the definition of functional alcoholic but I have no doubt, Im an alcoholic. Im like a drunk Batman...mover and shaker by day..secret by night. Crazy! I need to pull out before 'rock bottom" and Ive seen stories like mine happen that way. Scared.

Dee74

I know it's scary to stop - but you're right it's not going to get better if you keep drinking.
Have you thought any more about what you can do for support neirishman?

D

reggiewayne

I absolutely remember that episode of Family Ties. He was drinking "rubbing alcohol" straight out of the cabinet.

Anna

I remember that episode too.

I hope you make the decision to change your life. We can offer lots of support.

tomsteve

well, glad to see you see you have a problem. now, what ya willin to do about it? are ya willing to do ANYTHING necessary to stop drinking?
i had MAJOR fear when i was new to recovery. fear of the unknown. i had no clue what life would be like without alcohol. EVERYTHING was new to me. the only things in life i really knew how to do were work and drink and i did pretty darn good at both. i did, however, prove i can blow a very good job. heck, i proved i could blow a LOT of good jobs! i have been fired and quit a LOT of very good jobs, so many that i cant remember them all( when i was a practicing alcoholic, the economy was a lot better than it is now, so that helped).
the choice is yours. do yu wanna live or do ya wanna die? if ya wanna live, are ya willing to do whatever is necessary? putting down the bottle is only the beginning. there a lot of work to do, no matter what way its done. i highly suggest ya get a higher power and bend yer knees before ya bend yer elbows.
ya dont have to let the fear control ya anymore, but it's your choice to make. for this gutter drunk, doin whatever was necessary in spite of fear was the best choice i made.

Boxer1

I have thought about it, right now its SR. Its so great to know there are more like me. My wife is a lil fitness freak (who drinks in moderation, smokes weed which I dont) and has said she thinks there are no alcoholics, just weak willed people (somehow not knowing she is talking to one). I am still bullheaded enough to think that I can muscle through it once I get through the first few days but in saying that it becomes obvious that this is not normal. I am an athelete as of 4 years ago but really let myself go. I drink, then care less about diet and eat crap...wake up in AM and dont work out..it will "happen tomm" wash rinse repeat. I am a very smart person, how the Fu@k do I manage to keep tricking myself after knowing for years this isnt right? Noone in my family has ever come at me about it either which is morbidly facinating to me. I know Im slowly killing myself and noone seems to know it, how does that happen?

Boxer1

Vanilla extract, actually. I only remember that because after I saw that I went to the kitchen and found the same bottle. I didnt drink it (I was fairly young) but smelled it and didnt understand why that would hurt him. Wow, life is crazy and things come at you fast...Thanks for your reply and Im pretty new but see you have the respect of many others. We are fighting the same fight home-slice.

Boxer1

Someone hit it on the head the other day and it really stayed with me. Scared to keep drinking because you know it will eventually kill you and scared to stop because your life will change. Im honestly not trying to sound like a di(k but I have been recruited by a company that will pay double what I am making now bringing me to 6 figures where I never thought I would be. I wasnt drunk when talking w them but scared to stop now bc this is who they want (though they have no idea what lurks beneath). I promise readers this....there is NOONE in the world who I have revealed such insecurities to...ever.

Boxer1

Im sorry guys, I am learning how to use this site. I thought I was responding directly to supporting posters by "quick text" . My intention was to reply directly to those offering support.

Dee74

about 'this is who you are'...at some point, we all think alcohol is some kind of performance enhancing drug...it's not....

whatever achievements you have are yours and are made in spite of alcohol.

How do I know? because I've done more in the last 5 years than I did in the 20 before that...and I was still a pretty high achiever then...until, of course, my drinking lost me everything...and thats the other side - functional is not forever....

it's always easier to quit sooner rather than later neirishman - it's not going to get any easier in the later half of this year, and it will get harder still next year, or in 2015...

just go for it, man

D

artsoul

welcome neirishman!

Interestingly, alcoholics overall have a higher IQ than the general population.... I'm thinking that can work against us sometimes because we get pretty good at hiding our problem, justifying it, etc!

It takes courage to admit our problem, so give yourself a pat on the back for that! Things really will get better once you get rid of the drink.

eJoshua

Welcome to SR! I haven't seen that episode of Family Ties, but I do understand feeling like you are living two different lives. You can quit that if you want, one life is much easier to manage and a lot less stressful! Sounds like your new job is going to be stressful enough, being an alcoholic on top of that doesn't bode well.

Take care!

instant

Dee I love that "functional is not forever" !!

The longer you leave it the harder it gets and the longer it takes to recover. Whatever your reasons for drinking- I now know that life is infinitely easier when you don't drink. What we have to give up is in fact very little. Having said that one year ago the thought of not drinking for any length of time sent me into a combination of cold stark dread alternating with a deep despair. It was an illusion caused by the fact that my whole emotional system had been corrupted and highjacked by a toxin.

It can be done and it does start getting better quite soon.

Living is better sober.

jberk65

Hi Nman, I can totally relate. Two different people like Jekyll and Hyde. But dont wait too long before both worlds start to blur into each other..and they will. I could feel the fog in my mind at nights slowly creeping into my days. Didn't want to lose my job and family for a kick I got out of drinking.
Make the choice while you can. Wish you well.

hypochondriac

I love this...

Welcome neirishman

Seeing as you've been drinking all your life you haven't given yourself the chance to see what you can achieve sober or to know what's you and what's the drink...I'm guessing that it's all you and that the drink is just the annoying, soul destroying habit that just somehow hasn't got around to dragging you down yet...

I can relate is all...I'm not quite sure how stopping drinking hasn't massively altered my personality...really all that has happened is I function better.

You're still young and have a great opportunity coming up. Get sober before you start that new job so that you can learn some new coping strategies and stress management. That way you can't use the excuse to keep on drinking because you have a stressful job...that'd the alcohol talking.

Best of luck to you x