JimJim

Hey Everybody.

It has been ten days from my last drink. I read daily but thought that I would post a few thoughts as this is the longest I have not had a drink in at least five years. I am twenty eight years old so it's probably the first time being sober in my adult life.

I am unemployed at the moment which is a real downer. I have lots of regrets about leaving my post abroad. It was my first professional job afetr University and if I am honest It did not give me enough time for my drinking habits of the last ten years. There was no room for being hungover at work. at least I have learned from it. This is probably the main reason I have decided to turn a new leaf. I have considered looking for some shop work/ call centre work in the meantime. However, all of these jobs I have had before resulted in me taking cider into the workplace, getting me the sack. I do not want to return to this.

I must admit to mixed feelings over the last ten days. There is more optimism from my first desperate post, I would not want to have such low feelings agiain. I have had huge cravings for drink but as I know that having a couple in one night will build into in me having a couple of bottles of cider a night and waking up in my own urine once more.

I feel at a stage where I could try and limit my drinking or have a couple at the weekend to satisfy my cravings. Maybe when I return to work I can just drink at weekends? am I too young? However, reading through this board has given my wisdoom otherwise and so I know I can most likely not do these things. So thanks to you all for that.

I have spent the past ten days swimming and going to the gym, I must say I am looking quite spartan! anyway I have felt at times euphoric, singing as I walk home and feeling on top of the world, like the knig of my own unniverse. Also I have went to bed with regrets on my mind. I have other problems, such is life, with relationships broken hearts. These feelings have become more prominent when lying in bed at night. I know that necking some drink will make me not think of the pain for a few hours but I know that this is not a solution, therefore not an option, as again I know where it leads.

It's not easy this hey? But I know I MUST get through it. I am feeling really lost with my life at the moment. I have been dreaming of wine and drinking. It's almost a blessing having nothing though as I can start from scratch. It's been a car crash being on top to where I am now. Infact I was never on top I am just seeing things a little clearer now.

I have visited AA a couple of years ago. My first experience of it was listening to a speaker give the most gruesome story of how she had been abused/raped as a child and then locked up in a mental home. After this I felt forced to speak before holding hands and praising god. I was a little overwhelmed with that untill I voice at the back of the room told his story of how he was also a health care professional. That gave me hope, I would have stayed but I really needed to pee and didnt have the courage to go back in after to chat.

Thanks for letting me ramble my thoughts anyhow, not that you had a choice

Serphyas

good lord it's like you are taking the thoughts out of my head.

I blew my chances at school because it got in the way of drinking/drug use. I can definitely relate to lying in bed at night and going over all the regrets I have about my life. I find it helps to think that I am doing something about it now and that it could be worse. Also keeping a journal seems to be somewhat therapeutic. What have you found that helps you?

hypochondriac

Jim, everything you have mentioned is typical for someone just giving up drinking...the euphoria, the regret, the cravings, the belief that you could moderate your drinking. Well they were all things I had anyway. Roll with it...it only gets better from now on.

It sounds like you've really got your head round this and are on a solid path, well done on your 10 days x

Sapling

Don't let that meeting years ago turn you off from AA...Maybe you weren't ready then...I hope you will try another one. If you read the first 103 pages of this book it will give you a good idea what it's about. Sounds like you have a good idea what you are dealing with...First month is a little foggy....Emotions all over the place...You'll start evening out. Congrats on 10 days...Just keep going forward...One day at a time.

The text of Alcoholics Anonymous

sugarbear1

90% of the population isn't concerned with drinking, they just don't drink. Only you can decide if you have a problem or not and what you are going to do about it. Unemployed and focused on drinking, that isn't much to bring to any relationship. Maybe it's time to find out who you are and what you are capable of accomplishing so you have something to offer a female.

Best wishes!

Lily983

Jim, I can relate to many of the emotions and experiences you're going through. I'm also 28 years old and in the early stages of recovery, also left a stable job as a result of my drinking. While I can tell you the cravings will eventually subside, for me personally it was contingent on my giving up any idea of being able to drink moderately. Once my cravings would decrease I would start to feel like I was more powerful than the booze and could control it (as bad as withdrawal was, I wish in those moments I could have recalled the symptoms just as a reminder). To make a long story short, I ended up relapsing twice as a result. Unfortunately it took me a while to come to terms with the fact that drinking moderately isn't possible for me. I hope you can avoid a similar situation. I think I had a tough time reconciling my age with sobriety, but when I think about it now, we're quite fortunate to be going through such a challenge and recovery with so much life still ahead.

I'm still struggling with regrets, especially at night, as you mentioned. Replaying the mistakes and broken relationships of the past without alcohol to numb myself is very difficult, but something I'm beginning to understand is that my inability to process, experience, and accept these emotions and really, truly feel them (perhaps more importantly let them go) contributed greatly to my alcoholism. I'm not sure if that makes any sense to you, but I wanted you to know you're not alone in what you're going through. I wish you continued sobriety and strength.

Anna

It's not easy, you're right, and it takes a lot of changes. You can't just stop drinking and expect things in your life to work out. It takes patience and work to improve the way you live your life.

Congratulations on 10 days sober!

JimJim

Thanks everyone for your replies, I value your support.

Serphyas,

I like the idea of the journal, I have considered that and I plan to keep one. I'm currently striking the days off on a calender and don't intend to have a day where I don't strike one off. What has been working for me so far is heavy exercise, walkiing in the park- keeping busy physically.

Sapling. I have been looking at AA meetings in the area where I currntly live, I'm going to give it another try. I must admit to being sceptical about I understand that everybody there has the same goal of not drinking. It would be good to make some sober friends also.

Sugarbear. oh I definately know and accept I have a problem, there is no doubt in my mind. Like I said I know those thoughts of being a casual drinker are just thoughts and will never become reality. Females? yes that would be nice! :P I had one of those for seven years but it ended in tears last year, Hence me going abroad to work. definatley a +1 factor of the pain without drinking, She is perhaps the reason why I pushed myself to get a career and have something to offer a female that's a story for another time though. You are definatley right and I am believing the same, it is time to see who I am without alcohol, hold my shoulders high and go in with a deep breath, feeling all of lifes anguish and elation with only my raw blood flowing through my veins. I'm already excited and terrified by it!

Lily, completeley understand what you are saying. I have accepted that I can not drink socially and know that age is not a factor. All of the threads I have read and your post has gave me the wisdom of that, and as I just said and which you say, It's time to start feeling the emotions, reflect on them and find a solutions without alcohol.

Sapling

You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders Jim....I wish you the best.

artsoul

Congrats on 10 days! I can totally relate to being excited and terrified at the same time...... I think it helps to not let yourself get out there in future or dwell on the past, but stay in the here and now as much as you can (one day at a time, as they say).

Keep up the good work!!

tomsteve

are you too young?? for what? if its are you too young for recovery,no. i went to an open speaker meeting a lil over a year ago. the woman had been sober for 28 years. she was 42 at the time of the talk. do the math.
too young to die from alcoholism or your life get workse? no.


you are very fortunate to have optimism after ten days and that is good. it took me quite a while and a lotta work to get rid of the self hate.

the great news is: ya dont have to do those 10 days again if ya choose not to. nuthin changes if nuthin changes.