chronsweet

Okay,

So I usually post on F&F of Alcoholics as I live with and have a child with my ABF. This post actually concerns my brother and his g/f. Long story short, my brother has 7 children and has been addicted to meth on/off since he was 18 or so. He was clean for a period of time and now his actions and admission to doing it again 'only for a weekend' are looking more and more like a slip back in with the devil.

I am torn because he and his g/f recently had ANOTHER baby. The baby is about 3 months old and was immediately taken away by CPS out of the hospital because the poor thing was addicted to opiates his mother had taken and had to be weened off for about 6 weeks on methadone. So, SOOOO sad. My mom who is completely sober and has a nice home and everything has been trying to get him from CPS but they won't give him to her citing the fact that they think my mom will give the baby to my brother and his g/f which she definitely WOULD NOT. My bro and his g/f also have another child in CPS that was taken for medical neglect (sigh). We aren't sure if her disabilities have anything to do with the fact that my bro's g/f was taking opiates with her too while preggo. Apparently #6 was born on opiates too and had to be weened off for 2-3 days but she was released and is currently living with my bro and his g/f. We didn't even know about this incident until we learned about the newest baby. (sigh) My bro and his g/f have had 4 or 5 CPS cases against them, you'd think they would learn and care more about their kids than freaking drugs.

I turned in an application to try to get custody of the baby. But, after considering the work involved in caring for an infant, I have reconsidered. I feel guilty and selfish as hell, I have to tell you. But, I just feel like my bro and his g/f aren't going to get it together and get him back. I feel like they should give him up for adoption and let someone who is going to give him a good home and love him and start bonding with him. I work full time, have a toddler of my own and go to school full time all while dealing with the fact that I live with an alcoholic. I just am not at the right place in my life to accept this kind of a responsibility. I do a great job caring for my own son, but I am strapped for time and I want to give my own child the love he deserves since he has a full time working mommy. Am I being selfish? Such a tough thing to have to witness. I also want to be there in case I need to care for one or two of the older kids in case something bad happens with the other kids and CPS gets involved. I have a relationship with them and it would kill me to see them get taken away from our family.

Any words of advice or support would be helpful!!

BeavsDad

Why wouldn't CPS think you'd give the baby back to your brother if they thought your mom would?

You should have no guilt in letting that baby be adopted.

I'm sure that you have a plan for your life and it probably doesn't include raising all the rabbit's offspring as they pop out.

Like you said, you have issues enough at home to deal with.

Good luck to you.

MsPINKAcres

It is evident that the disease has a strong hold on your brother and his girlfriend ~ how sad for them and for their precious children ~

The disease is cunning, baffling & powerful ~

I have two adult children that have children (my grandchildren) ~ I know for a fact that my children LOVE their kids ~ very very much and they would never want to hurt them in any way ~ BUT they suffer from a disease of alcoholism & addiction ~ This disease takes away all that love, voice of reason and ability to make sound decisions on the basis of being a responsible parent.

With that being said ~ those that CAN make healthy decisions for the children should ~ neither of them have their children (in fact we are raising one other family members have the other 3 children) sometimes we have to do what is best for the children ~ even when it is uncomfortable for us, for others and even for the children.

My granddaughter cries for her dad often ~ but that doesn't make it a safe or healthy place for her to live ~ I just have to help her thru those emotions & reassure her it's not her fault.

Anyway - I've kinda rambled - not sure what exactly I wanted to say ~ but that just because you can't be the one to actually take in the children doesn't mean that you can help find a safe & healthy place for them ~

every child deserves a chance at a safe, happy & healthy childhood ~

PINK HUGS,
Rita

dollydo

All I can say is that a child should never be raised in a home where addiction is present, that includes your home as you are living with an alcoholic.

The baby deserves a chance, give it to him.

chronsweet

Dolly, I completely agree. I am working towards getting myself and my son out by working on a degree that should be completed by July of next year. When I can make the money to get out, I will. I put all my energy into maintaining some semblance of normality for my OWN son, and although I feel guilty for not being able to help, I think taking on another child at this point with hurt my own plight of survival (emotionally) for me and my son.

My ABF is seriously not abusive towards my son ,,, yet! If he were, I would be living in my mom's garage, but he is only 2. I do feel as he gets older and becomes more aware (as he is already somewhat aware that the beer is his dad's beverage, not mine) of the drinking problem, then he may be a target of his father's. I will NOT be living in the situation then. My mom's roommate may not be returning (she has diabetes and is in a rehabilitation facility) and is she doesn't, I will be moving in with my mom BEFORE I can graduate and earn more income. I haven't moved in with her up until this point because she simply didn't have the room for me and my son.

But you are absolutely right in that a child should not be raised in an alcoholic home or one where drug addicts live. Thanks for that bit of advice, it definitely puts things in perspective from many different angles. I need to concentrate on my life and my son's and stop worrying about everyone else's issues so I can be the healthiest me for my kiddo.

dollydo

You are on the right track, keep moving forward.

My best...Dolly