Lanchel

I knew what i was doing was wrong, every time I bought, hid, drank a bottle. My boyfriend would search for bottles whenever I was out of the house, he would beg and plead for me to stop drinking.

The drinking made me paranoid, anxious and horrible to be around, I made his life so stressful and yet he stayed and tried to help me......honestly this man is incredible.

I couldn't ask for help.....3 words.....I Need Help....even, Please Help Me

My goodness I wanted to do it everytime we argued but I was so stubborn. I have lost everything. My home, my job, my dogs, my ex husband has custody of my children, my ex put all my belongings in storage without telling me. I have nothing but me in a room in a stranger's home and thoughts of the ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend living the life I so desperately wanted, yet cast aside like it was nothing for a bottle.

I'm stuck in all the what if's and if only's right now.

I'm 2 months 19 days and it was easier before, this week has been a struggle

Sapling

You sound like me....I needed repetitive ass whippings to bring me to my knees.

Lanchel

So are you standing now? It feels sometimes that I'll never make it through the day let alone life. I'm determined to make this recovery work, and I've been told I'm pretty stubborn.

It's just snice to know that others have experienced such loss and been the cause of so many others heartache. That alone breaks my heart.

Sapling

I was stubborn enough to lose everything I had...When I quit fighting it and gave up....I was willing to do anything....And that's what I did.

Dee74

I think you have to try to stay focused on you right lanchel - you can move forward - but not if you have one foot stuck in where you used to be.

There will be time ahead to revisit that and make amends, hopefully sort out damaged relationships and hopefully make your peace with it all...

I wanted to fix it all too - right now - the guilt was pretty bad - but I'm glad I had people to help me realise that was something to do after I sorted myself out first....

you need to stay focused on yourself and your recovery for now I think...it will get better

D

Lanchel

Hi Dee74

Thankfully I have a fairly good support system, still haven't approached AA yet. I attend a daily 2 hour meeting for addicts and on the waiting list for a 3 week residential treatment centre.

I think I'm doing what I can right now without being overwhelmed, .......but it's always t that too little too late feeling

Sapling

Take it a day at a time...Just don't drink for today.