zanzibar

My wife and I made a concious decision to never drink as we both grew up in abusive alcoholic enviroments, and felt nothing good could come of it. But something happened to change that and now I can't overcome my feeling that I am responsible for her beginning to drink and ultimately her death. I got help but she could never get herself out of the spiral. It's been five years since her death and I feel I'm running out of options. I have been sober since 1998, and receive proffesional help and support for other problems. But I know that this is holding me back from a full recovery. Please tell me where on the forum I belong.

NewBeginning010

Hi Zanzibar, So sorry to hear about your wife. I would say there are many areas related to recovery of Alcohol (Newcomers & Alcoholism sections) family alcohol abuse (Friends & Family) as well as the Grief & Loss section. All of the forums are listed here: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

Welcome to SR, its a great community. Feel free to post around & read away. Take Care ~NB

Dee74

Hi Zanzibar - welcome.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I think it's very natural to feel guilt and remorse and pain and sadness...especially when the person we lose is someone we love. It's perfectly natural to take the blame and to thing what more should I have done.

AlAnon has the idea of the 3Cs...and although I'm not a member I see the wisdom in this idea.

With respect to our loved one's drinking You Didn't Cause It. You Can't Control It. You Can't Cure It.

If I learned one thing in my 20 years of drinking it's that everything that happened to me I did to myself.

Noone made me start drinking and noone but me could make me stop.

I really hope you find peace. I'm glad you have support in real life and I know you'll find support here too.

Have you checked out our Family and Friends forums too?
We also have a Grief and Loss forum you may find comfort in.

I won't overload you with links but like NB said above they're all available by scrolling down on our main forum page

Wherever you post I know you'll find good advice
D

AlwaysGrowing

zanzibar
My wife died a year ago from alcohol addiction. I am only responsible for me in the end. I tried, begged and cried and no amount of love or tough love, praise or being made help. I tried as I believe you tried. We are not God. I know she would forgive you for any mistakes along the way. Please find away to forgive yourself.

In my journey--I know Jesus died for my actions yesterday and today. Today I know I will fall short. I just keep my eye on him and I find peace.

My wife picked up drinking after many years without. I didn;t hold the bottle up to her mouth and make her drink it. It was all her.. All her in the end.. Sad. Very sad. But reality. It just is.

I know there are reasons why things like this happen and from time to time I see a tiny bit. But as the saying goes we need to stop looking at the tree to see the burning forest. God has a view of the world and more, not just the one tree, the one forest, nor the one square mile.

Trust God and find peace and healing.

Praying for a light bulb moment and a Christ filled heart.

AG

sugarbear1

Have you asked the professionals who are working with you?

Anna

Hi,

I'm sorry for the loss of your wife and that you are having difficulty with guilty feelings.

You are more than welcome to post anywhere on the boards where you feel comfortable. A lot of us have guilt to deal with and it's hard.

2granddaughters

Hello zanzibar:
Did you get sober through AA? I find a lot of forgiveness and understanding at the meetings.

I wish you the best.

Bob R (near Windsor, ON)

least

:ghug3 I am sorry for the loss of your wife and hope you can find peace of mind.

zanzibar

My doctor and support workers know what I'm dealing with and offer lots of good direction and advice but I find it impossible to accept that I am not responsible for her dying.

zanzibar

I was in the Army at the time and when you get in trouble with alcohol you have no choice. Go to treatement or get out. This was followed by AA and a lot of hard work. I wish they could have forced her too.

zanzibar

Thanks. I believe I stumbled on one of your earlier posts . It's late but sorry about your Beagirl. It's hard, I lost one of mine 3 weeks ago. Sometimes they seem to be the one thing that keeps us going.

foodie1

Welcome to SR zanzibar, sorry for your loss.