desertsong

I will have 60 days this Friday. My husband was also getting sober but he started drinking again a few days ago. So upsetting ... I guess on some level I knew it was coming because he's never stayed sober more than a few weeks, but I was hopeful he would stay the course. I'm not casting stones but am very disappointed regardless. I guess it just takes some of us longer than others to get to the point where we say "enough" and really mean it. Lord knows I had plenty of false starts myself.

On the positive side ... I drove my frustrated self over to the convenience/liquor store that my hubby bought a couple of months ago (a long story in and of itself) to get some bottled water and tea, and while I was there, I ran into someone from AA. I'm friends with his wife, and the two of them come to meetings together, or at least they were for awhile. She recently went to rehab for a painkiller addiction and he stayed home with their kids for 6 weeks while she was there. He is an alcoholic who will have 4 months next week. Anywho, he was at the checkout counter when I walked in and we kind of looked at each other, each of us thinking we must have known each other from somewhere. I got behind him in line, and and as he finished paying for his stuff, he finally recognized me and asked if he could meet me outside. I said "sure," so I paid for my tea/water, and went out to meet him. He shared with me that his wife was drinking again ... she had bought a 6-pack today and he was very upset. He had driven to the store to get some whiskey ... but then I walked in just as he was ready to ask the cashier to get him a bottle. Talk about divine intervention ...

I suggested that he go to a meeting tonight instead of joining her in the booze and I hope he goes. I can totally relate to what he is feeling right now, as I am also frustrated with my spouse and his going back to the bottle. He's at his favorite bar as I write this. I'd go to a meeting myself tonight if I had someone to watch my kids. All of my triggers are screaming at me right now. I totally understand this guy wanting to drink "at" his wife tonight out of frustration because I'm feeling the same way. But I guess I should take the advice I gave him ... which is that he is only responsible for his OWN sobriety, and that he shouldn't allow her to take away those 4 months of sober time that he fought so hard for. His kids deserve ONE sober parent, and so do mine. God, this is so hard. Cunning, baffling, powerful ... that is the truth of alcoholism. The only thing keeping me sane right now is knowing that I was of some help to this man tonight. I've spent the last hour praying for him to stay sober tonight. I really hope he does.

Anyway ... I don't know where I'm going with this ... just needed a place to vent where I know people understand. It really hurts my heart to think of this terrific guy going through this with his wife tonight. It hits very close to home for me. I really hate addiction and what it does to good people. I'm just glad that I was able to be there for this man tonight and I hope and pray that he will hang in there. If you're the praying type, please send some up for him.

Thanks for listening.

john44

God bless you. I can relate totally and your post helped me.

Veritas1

My prayers are with you.

Try not to get caught up in the drama.

My sponsor tells me whatever we focus on grows.

You never have to take another drink again.

Regardless of what anyone else does.

I never have to take another drink again.

No matter what is going on around us, or what drama we ourselves are allowing ourselves to fixate on.

Continue to be the example of a sober member of AA.

Everyone else might not stay sober, but you will.

And...you get to help others as you do.

God be with you desertsong...

Do you have someone you can call and talk with? A good sober friend to talk with since you cannot leave the house tonight?

Danica2011

We can say prayers for him, but we'll also say them for you. It's not easy what you are doing and to have your husband go out again. I'm so glad you came here to write instead of picking up a drink. Don't do it. You will live to regret it so much. Be the sober one for your kids, like you said. I don't know how old they are, and it doesn't really matter. Mine are mid to late teens and a 20 year old. And I'm finally doing this... poor them. All those years. But at least it's happening now, and they will remember it, but will also see that their mom got better. model the behaviour that you want your children to witness growing up. It will give them a better chance not to go down this very same road. Best of luck and rest easy knowing you're doing the next right thing. xo Danica

Sapling

Sounds like you were put there for a reason DS....I'll send a prayer for all four of you.

desertsong

Thanks Sapling. I appreciate that more than you know.

desertsong

Thank you, Veritas. Yes, I have already called a good friend and unloaded on her. She knows the husband and his wife and we are both in prayer for them. And for me.

artsoul

That's pretty amazing, desert - wow! What are the chances that you'd meet someone on the verge of drinking who is going through the exact same thing...... sounds like heaven and earth moved to encourage you both to stay strong.

I'll pray for the four of you. It's OK to feel what you're feeling - I know I'd be sad and angry if I were in your shoes. Feel it, but don't let it dictate your actions - you are much more than your emotions. You're a wonderful person finding her way in recovery. For added support, maybe some AlAnon material would help(?). :ghug3

Dee74

prayers coming from me too - I'm glad you were there to help this guy DS...

and yeah drinking at someone must be one of the most futile responses ever....it's like yelling in a hurricane.

I hope your husband will find his way just as you've found yours.
D

OCDDan

Thanks DS, that was very inspirational, prayers for you and yours.

sugarbear1

one of those neccessary coincidences...