Vandawglier

Well, it's been almost a year and a half since I've posted on here although I've read some posts from time to time.

Since I've been here last, my son has been arrested twice more - another possession charge and then a DUI. He got the DUI one month after his probation officer dropped a violation of probation charge. Things were actually going well legally for him at that time and it looked like he was going to be able to get his first possession charge converted to a PBJ so it could be expunged eventually.

But, he was doing the typical addict thing where he was trying to find a substance he thought he could control so he turned to alcohol. I asked him not to drink several times. Tried to warn him of the consequences but he said he could control it. He actually said to me "I never get anywhere near a car if I've been drinking". The next day he got a DUI.

That was 9 months ago. Then he lost his job (again). He avoided his probation officer which caused a warrant for his arrest. He was hanging out with a heroin addict who was in so much legal trouble that his mother sent him to another country so he didn't have to face the legal consequences. My son also asked to be sent out of the country (he's a dual citizen) but I told him he would never be a man unless he faced the consequences of his actions, paid the price and started to fix his life.

So, he faced his legal issues and yesterday was in court for another violation of probation (stemming from the DUI while on probation). His PO asked for jail time this time. The judge gave him a 2 day work weekend as incarceration. My son was actually relieved.

He's been sober now for about 3 months. I know that's not that long but he's more like himself. He's accepting responsibility but it also seems like he's trying to understand how he could have gotten himself into this much trouble anyway.

If he does clean up his act and stay sober, will he ever have a decent shot at a good life with the legal record he's got (2 possesions and a DUI plus the violation of probation). Although he seems pretty focused right now and pretty positive, I wonder if he will become frustrated once he figures out how many doors are now closed and how difficult things will be?

Anyone?

KelleyF

I was just talking to a friend recently who's qualifier also has quite a record.
And was told that it had affected his Employment choices and had causes some obvious frustration.
But in that same conversation, we were also talking about how sometimes adversity can build character; especially if you appreciate the lessons of the past. It sounds like your son is still young and hasn't been down a career path as of yet. I would think if he does the research in advance, he will find there are still many possibilities for his future.

Wishing your son (and you) a bright future.

Kindeyes

He'll have opportunities in the future if he chooses them. The future is really up to him. He can keep digging a hole or start building a future. His choice.

My son is still digging his hole and it is getting deeper and deeper. That doesn't mean he can't get out, it just means that it's going to be harder.

gentle hugs
ke

Chino

I have a childhood friend who did two stints in federal prisons. He's been sober and working his recovery for 16 years now. He didn't have a career path before drugs, except of the criminal nature, but sobriety and recovery lead him to one. He's a plumber, married with two kids, owns his home (no mortgage) and does very well for himself.

Vandawglier

I can't stop feeling guilty about this. Keep going back over this. If only I had done this, if only I hadn't yelled at him, if only, if only.

It's when he's actually sober that I keep going over the past - regretting what's happened. When he's using, I'm just praying that he'll stop "digging" and start building his life. I'd take any kind of recovery - even legally blemished sobriety.

What is wrong with me???

Kindeyes

There is nothing wrong with you. You're a mother. I'm a mother. We want the best for our children. We raised them with the intent and hope that they would become productive, law abiding members of society. And thus far it hasn't turned out that way.

We feel that society may cast judgement our way for our part in this outcome....and we may have some accountability.....but certainly not all the "blame". The most important thing I have to remember is that I cannot change the past and I need to make peace with it. It was what it was and there's not a damn thing I can do to change it.

There's a saying......it's a little crude......but so true.....please forgive me if it offends anyone.

If we stand with one foot in yesterday.....and the other foot in tomorrow......we are pissing on today.

Today I will keep both feet planted firmly beneath me.....and enjoy the moment. I invite you to join me.

gentle hugs
ke