What am I doing to myself?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
What am I doing to myself?
I went into the refrigerator for strawberries and saw a bottle of the margaritas I used to drink. Picked it up in my hands and studied the bottle, then put it back, but I'm feeling shaky. Then I start to watch TV and the people were at The One and Only Palmilla in Cabo San Lucas drinking on the beach. So I started thinking that there's no way I'll ever be able to take a vacation again, because I can't drink. I don't think it helps that my husband went out to a dance bar drinking with our friends last night til midnight, and I was home in bed by ten
I feel anxious, boring, like I don't know who I am without alcohol. I feel like this is just all so much work. I'm scared, because I know this is how a relapse starts. I've relapsed 7 times for goodness sake! I can't do this again. I need to be sober. And content. Is that even possible? And if so, when?
I feel anxious, boring, like I don't know who I am without alcohol. I feel like this is just all so much work. I'm scared, because I know this is how a relapse starts. I've relapsed 7 times for goodness sake! I can't do this again. I need to be sober. And content. Is that even possible? And if so, when?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
I am with you Eliasson. I have felt many of those same feelings. Can you find someone who can do something with you sober to get you out of the house? Even just get yourself out? Go see a movie, go have coffee, go to a bookstore, with someone or on your own. Get out and go somewhere that you will not be around alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Try and not overwhelm yourself with what ifs and maybes - it'll drive you crazy...you know your vacations were never like the ones you saw on TV, right?
There's nothing fun or admirable in the reality of the way we used to drink.
I think the problem here is you want to be like other people...and that's a tough one, because the answer is we just have to take a deep breath, square our jaw... and accept that we can't be like everyone else....not if we want a sane life.
You can have a fun fulfilled life sober, but it takes a little work and probably a little time too - do you have any sober friends Eliasson?
D
There's nothing fun or admirable in the reality of the way we used to drink.
I think the problem here is you want to be like other people...and that's a tough one, because the answer is we just have to take a deep breath, square our jaw... and accept that we can't be like everyone else....not if we want a sane life.
You can have a fun fulfilled life sober, but it takes a little work and probably a little time too - do you have any sober friends Eliasson?
D
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Well, for what it's worth I felt exactly the same way. My husband actually said that I "ruined" football season when I quit drinking because it meant we (I) wouldn't be drinking along with him during games. (he's come a long way since that first month 
).
Now, however.. I can't imagine how on earth I *thought* I was having fun when I was drinking! I haven't enjoyed life more than I am now, and I love every sober moment of it.
Takes time.. be kind to yourself.
).Now, however.. I can't imagine how on earth I *thought* I was having fun when I was drinking! I haven't enjoyed life more than I am now, and I love every sober moment of it.
Takes time.. be kind to yourself.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I need to be sober. And content. Is that even possible? And if so, when?
Give it a try. It worked for me. :ghug3
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
I felt just like that Eliasson. I had used alcohol to have fun/relax/face problems my whole life. I didn't know how to make a move without it, but it was destroying me. In those first few months I was very scared and vulnerable. It takes time to learn to live in a new way. Please don't give up - your anxiety will begin to fade.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Corinth, TX
Posts: 490
Thank you so much. I did call my sponsor and she was very helpful. Dee- thank you I do have a couple sober friends (whom I've made just recently) and I called them too. The crisis has passed, which it usually does. I'm grateful to have this site to come to. I have dumped the margaritas. Thank you for the wisdom and the encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Your best vacations are ahead of you, Eliasson! Did you need booze to enjoy summer when you were a kid? Heck no! I spent the day at the beach today, and never once thought about drinking. In the old daze, that's all I would have thought about—before, during, and after drinking. You tell me which is the better way to go?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Good for you for getting through that.
I know it seems overwhelming at times, but as others said, of course you can enjoy vacations and have fun and live a full life without drinking. It takes time to get to know yourself and to find your way as a sober person.
I know it seems overwhelming at times, but as others said, of course you can enjoy vacations and have fun and live a full life without drinking. It takes time to get to know yourself and to find your way as a sober person.
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