how do you know when its time to let go??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Alberta
Posts: 6
how do you know when its time to let go??
I feel so unbelievably overwhelmed with my life right now.
I like to think I'm a pretty responsible, good head on my shoulders type person. I don't know how I possibly could get into this situation...I know its not my fault but you always wonder if you had done something different, if you had noticed the signs earlier could it all have been prevented.
I'm so torn from wanting to help the person I know is inside there so badly or do I let go?
How do you just give up on someone?
How do you tell them you no longer have faith in them and you wont help them anymore?
How do you leave someone in this situation so alone?
he can hardly fend for himself, how is he going to do with without any support?
How long do I try an help him?
I like to think I'm a pretty responsible, good head on my shoulders type person. I don't know how I possibly could get into this situation...I know its not my fault but you always wonder if you had done something different, if you had noticed the signs earlier could it all have been prevented.
I'm so torn from wanting to help the person I know is inside there so badly or do I let go?
How do you just give up on someone?
How do you tell them you no longer have faith in them and you wont help them anymore?
How do you leave someone in this situation so alone?
he can hardly fend for himself, how is he going to do with without any support?
How long do I try an help him?
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Is this person eight years old? I am assuming he is an adult and old enough to figure out how to help himself if he wants help. You cannot do it for him. You cannot convince him he is ready for recovery, that is something that has to come from within himself.
You leave when you have had enough.
You leave when you have had enough.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Here is something that helped me a lot when I was dealing with my daughter's issues.
Letting Go Takes Love
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
LMN, I printed it out and put it on my bulletin board at home and taped one in my cubicle at work. I needed to see it often and it did help. It was still hard to let go of her, but I was able to do it, I think, by reading this over and over again.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
I let go when I realized it was a matter of personal survival. If I did not let go, I would lose myself, my sanity, my health, my dignity, everything that meant anything to me. I had to consider what that would mean for people who loved me. I had to realize that I could not save my AD, but I could save myself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I let go when I knew that I had done everything within my power to change him......and it didn't work.
I let go when I realized that my love wasn't going to make a difference as long as he was in active addiction.
I let go when I accepted that he has the right to live and do what he wants and that I have the right not to live that way.
I let go when I realized that I was afraid of him and the people he hung out with.
I let go when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I let go to save my own life......my addiction to his addiction was killing me.....and I do mean that quite literally.
I let go so that I could embrace my life and spend it loving and caring for those who shared their life with me in a healthy way.
I let go when I understood that it was the most loving thing I could do for him, for me, and everyone who loves us both.
I let go.....and it hurts.....I let go......and I wish I didn't have to.......I let go..... and pray daily.......I let go......and I cry sometimes for the absence of someone I love dearly......I let go........
gentle hugs
ke
I let go when I realized that my love wasn't going to make a difference as long as he was in active addiction.
I let go when I accepted that he has the right to live and do what he wants and that I have the right not to live that way.
I let go when I realized that I was afraid of him and the people he hung out with.
I let go when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I let go to save my own life......my addiction to his addiction was killing me.....and I do mean that quite literally.
I let go so that I could embrace my life and spend it loving and caring for those who shared their life with me in a healthy way.
I let go when I understood that it was the most loving thing I could do for him, for me, and everyone who loves us both.
I let go.....and it hurts.....I let go......and I wish I didn't have to.......I let go..... and pray daily.......I let go......and I cry sometimes for the absence of someone I love dearly......I let go........
gentle hugs
ke
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
Originally Posted by Kindeyes 
I let go when I knew that I had done everything within my power to change him......and it didn't work.
I let go when I realized that my love wasn't going to make a difference as long as he was in active addiction.
I let go when I accepted that he has the right to live and do what he wants and that I have the right not to live that way.
I let go when I realized that I was afraid of him and the people he hung out with.
I let go when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I let go to save my own life......my addiction to his addiction was killing me.....and I do mean that quite literally.
I let go so that I could embrace my life and spend it loving and caring for those who shared their life with me in a healthy way.
I let go when I understood that it was the most loving thing I could do for him, for me, and everyone who loves us both.
I let go.....and it hurts.....I let go......and I wish I didn't have to.......I let go..... and pray daily.......I let go......and I cry sometimes for the absence of someone I love dearly......I let go........
gentle hugs
ke
I let go when I realized that my love wasn't going to make a difference as long as he was in active addiction.
I let go when I accepted that he has the right to live and do what he wants and that I have the right not to live that way.
I let go when I realized that I was afraid of him and the people he hung out with.
I let go when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I let go to save my own life......my addiction to his addiction was killing me.....and I do mean that quite literally.
I let go so that I could embrace my life and spend it loving and caring for those who shared their life with me in a healthy way.
I let go when I understood that it was the most loving thing I could do for him, for me, and everyone who loves us both.
I let go.....and it hurts.....I let go......and I wish I didn't have to.......I let go..... and pray daily.......I let go......and I cry sometimes for the absence of someone I love dearly......I let go........
gentle hugs
ke
This should be a sticky.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by ahugz
how is he going to do with without any support?
I did not hit a bottom in my alcoholism/addictions until there was no one left to pick me up and I cried out to God to help me.
That was when the miracle started for me.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: WV
Posts: 1
I am feeling much like you are.....extrememly overwhelmed, scared, hurt, ANGRY, confused, insane, and most of all inferior to drugs! How can someone who claims to love me and our son lie about using; lie about money; lie, lie, lie? My husband has been an addict (opiates mainly) for about 7yrs and decided to quit and get on Suboxone 5-6mos ago. I was totally against it in the beginning, in my eyes maintenance drugs are just another drug addiction to take the other ones place, but with a legal prescription and a definite supply. However, I slowly began changing my mind after he was on it for several weeks, he seemed to be more productive, less of an a$$hole, and he had a positive outlook about it so I tried to as well.......BUT......the Suboxone was the only thing he was doing for his recovery.....NO meetings, NO therapy, and no interest in either, so his thinking was still the same (this drug is what I need).
For the past few months he has become, basically mean to me......lying again, money disappearing, taking phone calls from odd cell #s and always going outside to talk, etc. When I try to talk to him about his behavior and the way he treats me he gets defensive and yells, calls me names, then leaves saying he just needs to get away from me, etc. He always tried to make me feel like I am imagining things or that I am "crazy". Well, last night he finally admitted that he had been using again (he says for only a few weeks, but I think it is more like a few months). He admitted that he has been selling/trading some of his Suboxone and getting Opanas and that he "needs" them to go to work each day. He got paid on Friday (today is Sunday) and he is flat broke and did not offer to give me any money to go to the grocery store or to pay on bills <never does (he is a very selfish man)!! I have supported our household for years and he does what he wants with his paychecks (when he will keep a job that is).
After I read through what I just wrote, & that's only a drop in the bucket, I am sickened at myself for staying with him for so long........................
I wish I could be "selfish" for a moment and have the courage to do what I need to do for myself and what would be best for our son!
For the past few months he has become, basically mean to me......lying again, money disappearing, taking phone calls from odd cell #s and always going outside to talk, etc. When I try to talk to him about his behavior and the way he treats me he gets defensive and yells, calls me names, then leaves saying he just needs to get away from me, etc. He always tried to make me feel like I am imagining things or that I am "crazy". Well, last night he finally admitted that he had been using again (he says for only a few weeks, but I think it is more like a few months). He admitted that he has been selling/trading some of his Suboxone and getting Opanas and that he "needs" them to go to work each day. He got paid on Friday (today is Sunday) and he is flat broke and did not offer to give me any money to go to the grocery store or to pay on bills <never does (he is a very selfish man)!! I have supported our household for years and he does what he wants with his paychecks (when he will keep a job that is).
After I read through what I just wrote, & that's only a drop in the bucket, I am sickened at myself for staying with him for so long........................
I wish I could be "selfish" for a moment and have the courage to do what I need to do for myself and what would be best for our son!
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