struggling with a decision
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
struggling with a decision
All right. I'm fully expecting people to internet-yell at me, but I'm posting anyway.
I'm 42 days sober. I've been told my multiple health care professionals that I'm NOT an alcoholic, but my alcohol use is bothersome to me, and therefore, warrents a look at.
This has made me feel sad an alone. No one wants to be an alcoholic right? But, I almost wish that I was one because then I could fix it. I like clear cut answers and a plan.
Anyway, I'm graduating grad school next week, and there is a graduation party tomorrow. There will be plenty of alcohol/pot there. I've never smoked pot before, mostly from being afraid to ask anyone for it.
I would really like to have one final blowout bash. And yet, there is some small part of me that thinks, "don't do it". But I can't come up with a reason to not do it that I can't argue. I have a ride home so I wouldn't be driving. I'm around all friends, they will be doing it also. Sure, I'll be hung over the next day, but not really that big of deal. I won't have withdrawal or anything. I never have.
I'm just struggling. And probably even if I did get high or drink or whatever, I'll probably be feeling like I'm disappointing other people, so I might not even enjoy it. And this could be one time that I could prove to myself that I can have fun without alcohol. But there is a little toddler inside of myself that says, "I WANT to!!!!".
Probably going to a meeting tonight. Even though I'm not an alcoholic.
I'm 42 days sober. I've been told my multiple health care professionals that I'm NOT an alcoholic, but my alcohol use is bothersome to me, and therefore, warrents a look at.
This has made me feel sad an alone. No one wants to be an alcoholic right? But, I almost wish that I was one because then I could fix it. I like clear cut answers and a plan.
Anyway, I'm graduating grad school next week, and there is a graduation party tomorrow. There will be plenty of alcohol/pot there. I've never smoked pot before, mostly from being afraid to ask anyone for it.
I would really like to have one final blowout bash. And yet, there is some small part of me that thinks, "don't do it". But I can't come up with a reason to not do it that I can't argue. I have a ride home so I wouldn't be driving. I'm around all friends, they will be doing it also. Sure, I'll be hung over the next day, but not really that big of deal. I won't have withdrawal or anything. I never have.
I'm just struggling. And probably even if I did get high or drink or whatever, I'll probably be feeling like I'm disappointing other people, so I might not even enjoy it. And this could be one time that I could prove to myself that I can have fun without alcohol. But there is a little toddler inside of myself that says, "I WANT to!!!!".
Probably going to a meeting tonight. Even though I'm not an alcoholic.
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
The only reqirement for a person to attend an AA meeting is for that person to have a sincere desire to quit using alcohol. I personally would stop listining to outsiders opinions on whether your an alcoholic or not. The only opinion that matters is yours.
As to the party, that's also your decision. Some alcoholics decide to have that last big hurrah, some just decide enough is enough and quit without any big but goodbye. Do whatever is right for you and live with your decision.
As to the party, that's also your decision. Some alcoholics decide to have that last big hurrah, some just decide enough is enough and quit without any big but goodbye. Do whatever is right for you and live with your decision.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Congratulations on the Graduation skiptomy lue. I have been given free will or at least I feel it is ha ha. I make the decision not to drink or smoke mother nature anymore every morning and when I run into dilemas during my day. It seems like this is a dilema for you.
As far as being a alcoholic displaced is right, "the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking"
However, I have also heard it said that it , being alcohol, is not a problem unless it causes problems. Is it a problem for you? It is for me.
As far as being a alcoholic displaced is right, "the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking"
However, I have also heard it said that it , being alcohol, is not a problem unless it causes problems. Is it a problem for you? It is for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I spent two entire years on what was intended to be a one night last hurrah - I really don't recommend that Skip.
Forget about other peoples opinions for a minute. Look in yourself.
Read your posts. It's quite a journey.
You know whats bad for you - alcoholic or not - you wouldn't be here otherwise.
what part of deliberately exposing yourself to all the madness again makes this seem like a good idea Skip?
D
Forget about other peoples opinions for a minute. Look in yourself.
Read your posts. It's quite a journey.
You know whats bad for you - alcoholic or not - you wouldn't be here otherwise.
what part of deliberately exposing yourself to all the madness again makes this seem like a good idea Skip?
D
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue 
I've been told my multiple health care professionals that I'm NOT an alcoholic, but my alcohol use is bothersome to me, and therefore, warrants a look at.
Probably going to a meeting tonight. Even though I'm not an alcoholic.
Probably going to a meeting tonight. Even though I'm not an alcoholic.
Alcoholics Anonymous' definition doesn't even consider any of those three. We look at
1. do you crave more when you start to drink? if yes, it's pretty much a sure thing
2. when you honestly want to stop, can you stop entirely? If no, not entirely, now it's obvious......
3. when you DO manage to screw together some "not drinking" time...... does life straighten right out?......or do you sit with constant reminders of why you used to "have" to drink? In other words, if you have a drinking problem, all problems stop when you stop drinking. If you have alcoholism....."not drinking" doesn't really do much to improve your life.
and you already know your own truth....you know YOUR answer to your "get drunk or not" question..there's no need for me to even comment on it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Austin, TX from Philly, PA
Posts: 141
Originally Posted by BASEjumper
Do you think you'll look back 10 or 15 years from now on your graduation party and say 'Man, I really wish I had gotten drunk'?
After you ask that, ask yourself the same question except phrase it like this
"Do you think you'll look back 10 or 15 years from now on your graduation party and say 'Man, I really wish I did not get drunk'?"
...and think what could happen to make you think that above phrase.
Speaking of which, have you ever looked back at all your old childhood memories, birthday parties, experiences and adventures and said "If only I was drunk then, things would be better."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by 12skiptomylue
I've been told my multiple health care professionals that I'm NOT an alcoholic
What did they say was the solution to your problem?
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
What are you secretly hoping to hear us say? Which side are you secretly hoping we lean toward? You are asking this question to SR, not to a drinking buddy. Which tells me, you may not actually want to drink at your party at all...
No one would think I had had a drinking problem or was an alcoholic. Only I knew the truth of what I had to do. The truth was I needed to stop.
Look inside yourself. What is your truth?
No one would think I had had a drinking problem or was an alcoholic. Only I knew the truth of what I had to do. The truth was I needed to stop.
Look inside yourself. What is your truth?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
"But there is a little toddler inside of myself that says, "I WANT to!!!!". QUOTE
I know that spot. I tell myself it is our job to do what is best for toddlers, until theyve grown enough to mind themselves. Even if they have a meltdown.
Would you bring a toddler to a grad party and let them drink,.even if they had a ride home?
I know that spot. I tell myself it is our job to do what is best for toddlers, until theyve grown enough to mind themselves. Even if they have a meltdown.
Would you bring a toddler to a grad party and let them drink,.even if they had a ride home?
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
I'm really happy that you've made it to this point, man. Congrats on the graduation too, that's a big deal.
I always thought of grad school as school for adults. Pre-grad students are still kids, but by the time you make it to grad school you're fully an adult, capable of making rational decisions and providing for yourself.
So what's the rational thing to do? True maturity comes from walking away from the party mentality, I believe. That inner toddler will still show up from time to time, but it's in how you react to it that shows your true maturity as an adult.
So, forget if you're an alcoholic or not, for now at least, and just ask yourself if you're an adult or a child. Act appropriately based on your conclusion.
Best wishes,
I always thought of grad school as school for adults. Pre-grad students are still kids, but by the time you make it to grad school you're fully an adult, capable of making rational decisions and providing for yourself.
So what's the rational thing to do? True maturity comes from walking away from the party mentality, I believe. That inner toddler will still show up from time to time, but it's in how you react to it that shows your true maturity as an adult.
So, forget if you're an alcoholic or not, for now at least, and just ask yourself if you're an adult or a child. Act appropriately based on your conclusion.
Best wishes,
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
If you aren't an alcoholic, there is no reason you can't just stop drinking.
Never smoked pot? Why would you want to start on a possible pot smoking run now?
Your words certainly resemble those of an alcoholic, though.
I wish you well,
Never smoked pot? Why would you want to start on a possible pot smoking run now?
Your words certainly resemble those of an alcoholic, though.
I wish you well,
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Every drink and every drug over the last 10 years was my last one. Every single time I'd say - just this one last time.
A lot of us have cross addictions or swap one addicton for another.
My advice would be to stay both clean and sober.
Smoking pot =/= having fund without alcohol. It's just your addiction talking you into using some kind of mind altering substance.
It took me several months in AA for me to decide that I was the kind of drinker that AA defines as an alcoholic. I have no idea if health professionals or anyone else agrees. All I know is I have a desire to stop drinking and noone's opinion of my drinking would change that.
A lot of us have cross addictions or swap one addicton for another.
My advice would be to stay both clean and sober.
Smoking pot =/= having fund without alcohol. It's just your addiction talking you into using some kind of mind altering substance.
It took me several months in AA for me to decide that I was the kind of drinker that AA defines as an alcoholic. I have no idea if health professionals or anyone else agrees. All I know is I have a desire to stop drinking and noone's opinion of my drinking would change that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 146
I've spent months on "am I or am I not" an alcoholic. I spent so much time on the question that this activity itself was proof of an obsession. If I were told I was probably allergic to tomatoes, I wouldn't be fussing about the truth of this. I'd just stay away from them and see what happens. We can look at superficial things like amounts of alcohol, frequency of drinking, etc. and miss the fact that, at least for me, an inordinate amount of time is expended on either drinking or thinking about drinking--the latter often being the more time-consuming. Would I do this over a tomato allergy? Of course not. So, if I were you, I would forget about definitions and just act on your desire to stop drinking.
All the best.
Zorah
All the best.
Zorah
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Respectfully, I'm having a hard time understanding why you feel like you want to drink. Do you want to get wasted to prove that you've got a problem, or that you don't? What would "officially" being an alcoholic get you? Maybe it's something as simple as compassion and understanding. Do you need to be sick to get the care you need, even (especially) self-care?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 139
Thank you all for your responses. You all bring up really good points to think about, and I appreciate your wisdom.
You asked a lot of questions. I'll try and answer some.
Health care professionals have said my real problem is that I am self medicating with alcohol. The solution would be to find other ways to meet my needs for coping, relaxing, having fun, being carefree, feeling sad/mad/lonely/angry, etc. Supposedly, if I can find other ways to meet those needs, then when I drink, I won't need to drink in excess because I won't be drinking to eblitorate myself. If I'm able to do that, than I don't have a problem. If I'm not able to do that, then I have "addiction/alcoholism".
What does my sponser say: Actually, she said that I am so stuck in this fight of am I/ am I not, and that no matter what anyone says to me, I want to argue the opposite answer (if you tell me I'm not an alcoholic, then I want to prove to you I am. If you tell me I am an alcoholic, I want to prove to you I'm not). So, she said the best thing for me to do is go out and try my experiments: go to a bar and order one beer and leave. Try only drinking with other people instead of by myself. Try only drinking outside of home and not having alcohol at home. I've gotten continually hung up because this is the first time I have ever tried to stop drinking, and the idea of moderation never even occured to me. I was/am very all or nothing.
So, about the party. Last night, I wrote out my second step, and I went to a meeting, and I went to dinner with some girls from the meeting. And I did a lot of thinking. And the only thing that I couldn't argue with was what came from inside of me. That when I'm living my life authentically, when I'm living from my heart, and doing things that are congruent with the person I am inside, I'm not drinking or getting high. I am enough just being me. I realized that part of my fear of this party is that I am not going to be fun enough, happy enough, or just BE enough, if I am not wasted and partying hard. And it feels incredibly scary and vulnerable to just be ME and let myself be exposed.
So, my goal for today is to live authentically. To live, being ME.
You asked a lot of questions. I'll try and answer some.
Health care professionals have said my real problem is that I am self medicating with alcohol. The solution would be to find other ways to meet my needs for coping, relaxing, having fun, being carefree, feeling sad/mad/lonely/angry, etc. Supposedly, if I can find other ways to meet those needs, then when I drink, I won't need to drink in excess because I won't be drinking to eblitorate myself. If I'm able to do that, than I don't have a problem. If I'm not able to do that, then I have "addiction/alcoholism".
What does my sponser say: Actually, she said that I am so stuck in this fight of am I/ am I not, and that no matter what anyone says to me, I want to argue the opposite answer (if you tell me I'm not an alcoholic, then I want to prove to you I am. If you tell me I am an alcoholic, I want to prove to you I'm not). So, she said the best thing for me to do is go out and try my experiments: go to a bar and order one beer and leave. Try only drinking with other people instead of by myself. Try only drinking outside of home and not having alcohol at home. I've gotten continually hung up because this is the first time I have ever tried to stop drinking, and the idea of moderation never even occured to me. I was/am very all or nothing.
So, about the party. Last night, I wrote out my second step, and I went to a meeting, and I went to dinner with some girls from the meeting. And I did a lot of thinking. And the only thing that I couldn't argue with was what came from inside of me. That when I'm living my life authentically, when I'm living from my heart, and doing things that are congruent with the person I am inside, I'm not drinking or getting high. I am enough just being me. I realized that part of my fear of this party is that I am not going to be fun enough, happy enough, or just BE enough, if I am not wasted and partying hard. And it feels incredibly scary and vulnerable to just be ME and let myself be exposed.
So, my goal for today is to live authentically. To live, being ME.
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