oiy vey!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
oiy vey!
Always drama with an addict.
My xah has seen his son maybe 16 times in a year. Cancels all the time. he canceled the day after easter an hour before the cut off time texting "I don't feel good". When he cancels I never rearrange my schedule. We see him the next wee for visitation. It is just irresponsible. I'm so tired of irresponsible. Meanwhile, he never called easter or gave an easter basket. Anyways, he does what he wants when he wants but throws a tantrum if he doesn't get his way.
So he was pissed I changed the visitation site. I changed it because he lied to me and took our son for a walk on a trail out of supervision. When I told him I was uncomfortable with this he gets defensive and lies. What he doesn't understand is it is supervised visits and I don't want that taken away. Anyways, so he was mad. The park I chose I always know where they are at. I can relax and I don't feel uncomfortable.
So, this started a fight. After texting, I finally called him and tried to wave the white flag. He wants more time with our son, but on his terms of canceling whenever he wants. He is soooooo angry. He bashed my character. And couldn't understand the lack of trust or why he had to prove himself. Like I said, he wants what he wants when he wants it now. I have to say I am finally at the point I don't love him anymore. I also think he is immoral and untrustworthy. You don't cheat and walk out on your family. He left us starve. But he forgets this. He refuses to awknowledge this and says he said he was sorry, but hasn't. I don't remember. Nor, has he tried to make things right. But he wants wht he wants and wants me to feel sorry for him. I don't. I'm sticking to my guns until he proves himself and that is driving him crazeeeeee.
Its frustrating. But what confuses me more is his adament declaration of "I'm sober". No, he isn't. A sober man doesn't behave like this. He uses money to get back at me. He thinks I'm hurting our son and keeping him away from him. Anyways, all you x addicts out there...does he really think he is sober? I told him to put his son first and go get help and he tld me to f off. Does he really think this is normal? Is denail this powerful? I question myself and think, wait, he's on drugs. It always comes back to "wait, he's on drugs" I reallly feel like he is irrational, delusional and angry. But bc he wants to see his son, I have to figure out how to deal with him and have some peace. I'm out of flight and fight mode. I don't love him anymore. But he is so difficult to deal with. I feel like I have to tip toe. He is so angry. And blames me for filing for divorce, meanwhile he was living and sleeping with a *****. He is so spoiled. He wants it all.
Ventiing as usual, but so confused over his "I'm sober" I don't get it. Why is he pretending he is so healthy? He's got people fooled, but he can't fool me. I'm in the trenches.
Is denail that powerful? Wow.
My xah has seen his son maybe 16 times in a year. Cancels all the time. he canceled the day after easter an hour before the cut off time texting "I don't feel good". When he cancels I never rearrange my schedule. We see him the next wee for visitation. It is just irresponsible. I'm so tired of irresponsible. Meanwhile, he never called easter or gave an easter basket. Anyways, he does what he wants when he wants but throws a tantrum if he doesn't get his way.
So he was pissed I changed the visitation site. I changed it because he lied to me and took our son for a walk on a trail out of supervision. When I told him I was uncomfortable with this he gets defensive and lies. What he doesn't understand is it is supervised visits and I don't want that taken away. Anyways, so he was mad. The park I chose I always know where they are at. I can relax and I don't feel uncomfortable.
So, this started a fight. After texting, I finally called him and tried to wave the white flag. He wants more time with our son, but on his terms of canceling whenever he wants. He is soooooo angry. He bashed my character. And couldn't understand the lack of trust or why he had to prove himself. Like I said, he wants what he wants when he wants it now. I have to say I am finally at the point I don't love him anymore. I also think he is immoral and untrustworthy. You don't cheat and walk out on your family. He left us starve. But he forgets this. He refuses to awknowledge this and says he said he was sorry, but hasn't. I don't remember. Nor, has he tried to make things right. But he wants wht he wants and wants me to feel sorry for him. I don't. I'm sticking to my guns until he proves himself and that is driving him crazeeeeee.
Its frustrating. But what confuses me more is his adament declaration of "I'm sober". No, he isn't. A sober man doesn't behave like this. He uses money to get back at me. He thinks I'm hurting our son and keeping him away from him. Anyways, all you x addicts out there...does he really think he is sober? I told him to put his son first and go get help and he tld me to f off. Does he really think this is normal? Is denail this powerful? I question myself and think, wait, he's on drugs. It always comes back to "wait, he's on drugs" I reallly feel like he is irrational, delusional and angry. But bc he wants to see his son, I have to figure out how to deal with him and have some peace. I'm out of flight and fight mode. I don't love him anymore. But he is so difficult to deal with. I feel like I have to tip toe. He is so angry. And blames me for filing for divorce, meanwhile he was living and sleeping with a *****. He is so spoiled. He wants it all.
Ventiing as usual, but so confused over his "I'm sober" I don't get it. Why is he pretending he is so healthy? He's got people fooled, but he can't fool me. I'm in the trenches.
Is denail that powerful? Wow.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
sober is abstaining from use.
Recovery is doing the hard work on behavior, emotions, changing their way of acting, reacting, thinking.....out of the "addict" behavior and into a more healthy way of interacting with people.
Sobriety alone says "I said I was sorry and I want what I want when I want it"
Sobriety with recovery says "I am sorry that I hurt you and our son, what can I do to make it up to you?"
Sobriety with recovery is:
Taking responsibility for your actions
Showing up on time and being present in your son's life
Making amends for the sh*tty things you did while in active addiction.....not necessarily asking for forgiveness outright.....but certainly living your life in a way that makes up for the crap that you dished out.
I think what you are seeing is called a "dry high". All of the high and mighty thinking...without the drug use.
Recovery is doing the hard work on behavior, emotions, changing their way of acting, reacting, thinking.....out of the "addict" behavior and into a more healthy way of interacting with people.
Sobriety alone says "I said I was sorry and I want what I want when I want it"
Sobriety with recovery says "I am sorry that I hurt you and our son, what can I do to make it up to you?"
Sobriety with recovery is:
Taking responsibility for your actions
Showing up on time and being present in your son's life
Making amends for the sh*tty things you did while in active addiction.....not necessarily asking for forgiveness outright.....but certainly living your life in a way that makes up for the crap that you dished out.
I think what you are seeing is called a "dry high". All of the high and mighty thinking...without the drug use.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
It's impossible to have a reasonable conversation with somebody who is high on drugs. I remember trying to have those conversations with my RABF. He would make no sense. I would try to point out that he wasn't making sense, but he would continue.
Take how crazy this drives you, and double and triple that for your son. It is very confusing for a child to have a parent who doesn't make sense and isn't rational due to drugs. Are these supervised visits through the court? Why does he have to see your son if he is high on drugs?
He lied and then took your son where you couldn't supervise. I think that is a reason why you would not want to give him more visits. This would be a reason for less visits.
Take how crazy this drives you, and double and triple that for your son. It is very confusing for a child to have a parent who doesn't make sense and isn't rational due to drugs. Are these supervised visits through the court? Why does he have to see your son if he is high on drugs?
He lied and then took your son where you couldn't supervise. I think that is a reason why you would not want to give him more visits. This would be a reason for less visits.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Is he contributing to the financial support of your son?
If not, have you considered court -ordered child support?
Have you considered court-ordered supervision, paid for by him?
Most importantly and unfortunately, are you keeping a journal of his cancellations.date/time and so on.
I don't know if he's sober and it rreally does not matter. He sounds as immature as a preschooler.
If not, have you considered court -ordered child support?
Have you considered court-ordered supervision, paid for by him?
Most importantly and unfortunately, are you keeping a journal of his cancellations.date/time and so on.
I don't know if he's sober and it rreally does not matter. He sounds as immature as a preschooler.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
You say he is your ex-husband, right? So, there should be visitation rules stipulated in the divorce decree. Courts don't care how you handle visitation so long as you both agree, but if there is a conflict, then the rules set forth in the divorce decree come into play. You have the right to follow those guidelines if he goes outside of your agreement. What he "wants" does not matter.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Interesting. I never thought about the lying and taking my son out of supervision as a way to get less supervision. Honestly, my son enjoys his 2 hours. I'm really happy with how things are, but he isn't.
That's the problem. Hmmmmmmm???? I would love to never see him, but my son does need to aleast see him for 2 hours supervised. Its harmless. But out of supervision. ..no way
As for dry addict. No, I would swear on my sons life he is still using. What baffles me is that when he threatened legal action, I said I know ur drug dealers name and this didn't seem to unerve him. But, I was pretending I wasn't rattled either. I am not worried about going to court, just the money and anxiety involved. And he loves to say ill take a drug test. I would love to randomly do oneand see his reacton. Lol. Oh no, he's doing drugs. He has come to visitation recently all ate up stuffy noise. Forour child support hearing he had a scab on his forehead that wasn't there 3 days later...picking. no, he isusing.
That's the problem. Hmmmmmmm???? I would love to never see him, but my son does need to aleast see him for 2 hours supervised. Its harmless. But out of supervision. ..no way
As for dry addict. No, I would swear on my sons life he is still using. What baffles me is that when he threatened legal action, I said I know ur drug dealers name and this didn't seem to unerve him. But, I was pretending I wasn't rattled either. I am not worried about going to court, just the money and anxiety involved. And he loves to say ill take a drug test. I would love to randomly do oneand see his reacton. Lol. Oh no, he's doing drugs. He has come to visitation recently all ate up stuffy noise. Forour child support hearing he had a scab on his forehead that wasn't there 3 days later...picking. no, he isusing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 559
Yes, yes and yes to out to lunch. To everything but state visits. If he fights me on custody, I will go to 1 hr state visits. And yes, he is very very immature. That along with the drugs is the problem. I don't really want to do state visits. I am so content with what we have. But, if he continues to push.
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