sark

So I ultimatley gave in today. I cried for about half an hour cause i screwed up. I woke up feeling very tired. I have been very tired from lack of sleep. I woke up cranky and wanted to drink first thing. I prayed but it did not seem to help, I called my doctor to get something so I could sleep but I could not afford my payment, I went to a meeting but my urge was still thier afterwards. i went to a gym and after leaving i still had a bad urge so I gave in. I cant beleive i did it! I am so upset about it. I am ashamed to tell my two friends who have been supporting me. They took a week out of there lives to take my kids while i was in detox I dont know if I can face telling them what i did. I know its not the end of the world and it was a slip but I feel horrible and defeated...What do you do when nothing seems to work?

Sapling

You just keep trying sark...Pray a little harder...Get a few more meetings in. Get some phone numbers and use them. Get a sponsor you can call every day...Put your energy into working the steps....You can do this. You have to give it everything you got....Get on here and post before you want a drink. You have support...Use it.

sugarbear1

Did you tell anyone at the meeting? Did you try to hang out with anyone after the meeting? Did you invite anyone over to chat with? There are things you can do to change what you've done.....

Are you seriously done drinking? Nothing will work to stop you from doing the actions that get you drinking. You have to change YOUR behavior. Hang out with people, talk to people, get busy in recovery. There is no magic cure. It's about action, specifically your actions.

I wish you well in your journey.
Peace, love & hugs,

neferkamichael

Yes sark, you just keep trying, never give up, please. You'll do it.

sark

I am going to continue trying. I want to be done and I fought these past few days. I have not been sleeping well or if any. I did not stick around the meeting but I will next time. I am trying not to beat myself over it but it still stinks. I think next time I will pick up the phone. I dont know why I did not call anyone. It was plain dumb. So tommorrow will be a new day. I have to get my sleep issue taken care of because it is making me very cranky. Is this normal in recovery. I was expecting it in detox but thought i was over withdrawls by now.

Firehazard

Go to the last friendly door on the block Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes , it may of come to this!

Sapling

Don't beat yourself up sark...It doesn't do any good. That phone can be your lifeline...It's just learning new habits....You'll get it. Do you have a sponsor?

sark

No i dont have a sponsor yet. I only have been going for about a week, i am trying to get to know people. Yes I have to learn new habits for sure. It is so hard to break.

MemphisBlues

AA may be the one place where you get a do over!

Don't worry about getting to know someone to ask to be a sponsor; just share in a meeting that you are new, that you think AA might be right for you and that you would like to get a temporary sponsor.

And your resolve says more than you actions, if that makes any sense. Do you have phone numbers? Get 'em, use 'em.

And don't fall prey to jargon you might here in the rooms. Read the first 164 ages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. Someone once told me that if you want to hide something from an alcoholic, put it in the book Alcoholics Anonymous. It's one of the few humorous sayings that makes sense.

Sapling

I agree...Announce you are new and would like someone to take you through the steps as laid out in the Big Book....And read the first 164 pages...I didn't know my sponsor...And he got me through them....Pray for a good one before you go to the meeting...It never hurts.

RyanRyan

Don't beat yourself up! You have to want to change. I have to plan out my day after work and on weekends so I dont talk myself into that one drink...it takes extra time but you will feel so much better. I went 10 days before screwing it up last weekend and I learned a lot. My depression came back immediately, I felt so low and had to go through the shakes and sweats and sleeples nights yet again. I'm on day three and feel great again. You can do this!

DisplacedGRITS

You pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. It's what you have to do.

Chakaido

I can relate. How to deal with that thought/feelings of "what the frig?", "who cares", "its not that bad", "its just a bit", or "I'll deal with it later" voice? I've read Rational Recovery and understand it to be the addictive voice. That makes sense. We have other tapes in our heads as well and perhaps some of us pushed the play button on the addictive tape at some point?

I know many will say the answer is to address it by "working your program". But can you be more specific about HOW to deal with these thoughts? How do you change that thinking of who cares, to it totally matters in this moment! What are the steps to change it. Be specific not just go to meetings, get a sponsor! Thanks!

Carly2332

Don't let relapses get you down. I'm learning that it's normal to relapse, but you just keep on trying. Don't get down on yourself, just start over again. Alcoholism is a tricky thing to overcome. However long you stayed sober still counts for something. That shows you that you can do it. Just keep believing in yourself and you can do it for the long-term.

CaiHong

Sark get back on the horse love. Not the end of the world.

I would actually address the sleep thing. I believe if you had had a good nights sleep you would not have succumbed so easily. In AA they say not to get tired, hungry or lonely.

I am finally admitting to myself that I have a sleep problem which is really making me very cranky. Last night I had the best sleep in months. I didn't take my iPad to bed and watch TV but listened to a guided sleep meditation.
I think there is a lot going on around recovery that we may not be aware of or think important at the time. I changed my diet rather drastically and that had some very positive spinoffs. I am listening to myself more.
Early in recovery I listened to downloads from recoverybroadcasting, I am not sure if it is still going, I listened over and over again about relapsing and what to watch out for. I was scared if I relapsed It would weaken my overall resolve.
Anyway don't give up.
All the best
CaiHong

2granddaughters

I think you have hit on the problem.

You still have fight left in you and haven't hit bottom yet ... where you are "convinced" that you are an alcoholic.

Why are you telling us what is happening to you and not telling the members of your group? I can't see you and sit across the table and look into your eyes. You need a group and a sponsor like everyone else who's doing AA.
Some here are saying "Don't let this get you down" but I had to come to the point where I was whipped and I knew it AND IT HURT TO THE CENTER OF MY SOUL.... I HAD TO SURRENDER !!

I hope you get to that point soon because that is when the downward spiral stops and recovery begins. Just my $0.02 Canadian.

Wishing you the best.

Bob R