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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 16
New to the forum.
So here I'am 28 years old and struggling with my addiction and depression. My drinking days started in my late teens and instantly fell in love with the escape it brought me. Would normally drink on the weekends and was like that for many years. I never thought I had an issue because in this time I was in good relationship and was working in a good job making decent money. Around this time I was about 24. Around this time my addiction switched from drinking to taking painkillers. I was prescribed them after a medical percedure. And then seeked them out after that illegally through a connection I found. For awhile I was only taking them now and then after work. My addiction quickly grew to abusing them from the time I woke till I pasted out at night. Still living in denial because in this time I had gotten married and bought a house. But things were quickly going down hill. Work had become slow and went through the savings me and my wife had and ran up my credit cards to support my habit. Till finally I got caught. By this time I wanted to stop and went to rehab for the first time and was relieved my secret was out. After rehab I moved back in with my parents and returned to work. And was attending NA daily. Was working the steps with a sponsor and had a network of people I would stay in touch with. Till about five months in I relapsed and started drinking again. And in the next 6 months I found myself in another rehab and two mental hospitals. And my last visit to the mental hospital I stayed sober for about a month till I relapsed again. This time things got worse. I blacked out driving home and woke up with my car in a telephone poll and the sound of the airbags going off. Thankfully I didn't kill anyone. After that I lost my license for 7 months. And left my job as well becuase I wasnt able to do my line of work without a license. And also sentenced to out patient counseling because of my DUI. And now I spend all day thinking of the debt I'm in. Being jobless. Just feeling that there's no way out. There's times I wish I could go to a meeting. Because they were the best 5 months I had in the past year when I was going. But at the same time I'm living with this depression and the pain from it and just don't care. I guess I'm here just looking hope that things can get better.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
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Originally Posted by Edat84 
After rehab I moved back in with my parents and returned to work. And was attending NA daily. Was working the steps with a sponsor and had a network of people I would stay in touch with. Till about five months in I relapsed and started drinking again.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Things can get better...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that NJ has cloverleaf intersections on its highways. Where I live, if you're exiting from one highway to another you have to merge from the exit ramp onto the highway. If you don't merge, but stay on the exit ramp, you can drive all the way around the cloverleaf and eventually end up back on the road you started on in the same direction you started. It can be really helpful if you're ditzy like me and take the wrong exit sometimes.
That's a really drawn out analogy of how I think of sobriety sometimes. Sometimes you might get off on the exit ramp, and even start to merge onto the freeway, but decide you'd rather just keep riding the cloverleaf. That's ok though, because as long as you continue to go around and around on the cloverleaf you will eventually find yourself in the position of being able to exit again.
So now it's time for you to get off that cloverleaf, stop dying and start living. Find a way to stay sober and go for it. If you want to go back to NA then go back to NA -- what's stopping you? Get off your butt and go!
I'm glad you're here. This is a great place for support and I'm glad you shared your story.
Take care,
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think that NJ has cloverleaf intersections on its highways. Where I live, if you're exiting from one highway to another you have to merge from the exit ramp onto the highway. If you don't merge, but stay on the exit ramp, you can drive all the way around the cloverleaf and eventually end up back on the road you started on in the same direction you started. It can be really helpful if you're ditzy like me and take the wrong exit sometimes.
That's a really drawn out analogy of how I think of sobriety sometimes. Sometimes you might get off on the exit ramp, and even start to merge onto the freeway, but decide you'd rather just keep riding the cloverleaf. That's ok though, because as long as you continue to go around and around on the cloverleaf you will eventually find yourself in the position of being able to exit again.
So now it's time for you to get off that cloverleaf, stop dying and start living. Find a way to stay sober and go for it. If you want to go back to NA then go back to NA -- what's stopping you? Get off your butt and go!
I'm glad you're here. This is a great place for support and I'm glad you shared your story.
Take care,
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
What did you think of your sponsor?....Seems like 5 months you should be making a little more progress than that. Did you like NA?....You read the book and see what the steps are about?...Maybe you should try an AA meeting?...I have some friends in my home group that prefer AA over NA....Most addicts drink also.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Sapling
They can get better...I see people come back in AA all the time...Work the steps and carry on...You say you wish you could go to a meeting...Why can't you?
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
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Originally Posted by Edat84
I feel bad making my parents drive me to one after they have worked all day. I look at it as its my problem not there's so I don't want to bother them. I already caused them enough grief.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
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Hi Edat,
Things do get better sometimes quikly sometimes slowly. However, sounds like drinking and drugging is not going to be a valid solution for you anymore. I personally feel that one does not need a sponsor to do the first and second steps. It is such a personal thing and as it does say at the begining of step 2 Came to Believe and it sounds like you are at that point.
Things do get better sometimes quikly sometimes slowly. However, sounds like drinking and drugging is not going to be a valid solution for you anymore. I personally feel that one does not need a sponsor to do the first and second steps. It is such a personal thing and as it does say at the begining of step 2 Came to Believe and it sounds like you are at that point.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Sapling
What did you think of your sponsor?....Seems like 5 months you should be making a little more progress than that. Did you like NA?....You read the book and see what the steps are about?...Maybe you should try an AA meeting?...I have some friends in my home group that prefer AA over NA....Most addicts drink also.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Here is a number for a helpline...Explain your situation to somebody..
800-992-0401
And check out this site for meeting info.
http://www.nanj.org/index.shtml
800-992-0401
And check out this site for meeting info.
http://www.nanj.org/index.shtml
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
If you'd rather do the steps in AA...Call the Intergroup for your area.
New Jersey AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
New Jersey AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by Edat84
No I do believe there's a power greater than me.
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Welcome Edat. I'm so glad you joined us. This place saved me from being hopeless and filled with despair. I knew I was no longer alone, & that meant everything.
I know you feel like you'll never recover from all the bad things that happened - but you will. I drank for many more years than you did, and never had the sense to do what you're doing now. Everything will get better and you'll never have to go through this again. We're here for you & want to help.
I know you feel like you'll never recover from all the bad things that happened - but you will. I drank for many more years than you did, and never had the sense to do what you're doing now. Everything will get better and you'll never have to go through this again. We're here for you & want to help.
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