How do homeless people survive?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
How do homeless people survive?
I'm looking for words of wisdom to help me realize that somehow my son will survive. He's technicaly not homeless, but is just bumming places to stay. I've been getting calls lately from him telling me he's hungry. He's not directly asking for money but is YANKING at my heart strings. I desperately want to jump on a plane and go take care of him...but I won't do that.
I need some examples of what people can do to get food, get help for themselves. I just don't and have never lived in that world (thankfully) and can't even begin to understand what it's like. I was raised and currently live in suburbia..white picket fence and all. The ample paycheck is directly deposited every thurdsday and having to think about where my next meal is going to come from has never been even a passing thought in my mind. I've googled soup kitchens near him but it seems he thinks they are below him (thanks to me and the enabling I've provided him his entire life). He's got a job in the works... Always starting in a "few days" and then always falling through. I'm struggling with wanting to slap him and wanting to hug him and never let him go, both at the same time.. If it were me I'd be taking any job I could possibly find, I don't understand ...
Although I'm doing much better than I have been in a long time, I'm starting to really obsess and worry about him and am thinking there is no way he's going to survive. Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? I'm falling into the pit of thinking I am...that if I don't save him he'll die. Yes, I guess my ego is a little overblown right now...
I need some examples of what people can do to get food, get help for themselves. I just don't and have never lived in that world (thankfully) and can't even begin to understand what it's like. I was raised and currently live in suburbia..white picket fence and all. The ample paycheck is directly deposited every thurdsday and having to think about where my next meal is going to come from has never been even a passing thought in my mind. I've googled soup kitchens near him but it seems he thinks they are below him (thanks to me and the enabling I've provided him his entire life). He's got a job in the works... Always starting in a "few days" and then always falling through. I'm struggling with wanting to slap him and wanting to hug him and never let him go, both at the same time.. If it were me I'd be taking any job I could possibly find, I don't understand ...
Although I'm doing much better than I have been in a long time, I'm starting to really obsess and worry about him and am thinking there is no way he's going to survive. Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? I'm falling into the pit of thinking I am...that if I don't save him he'll die. Yes, I guess my ego is a little overblown right now...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: OH
Posts: 23
I know in my community, which many people from larger urban areas might consider "suburbia," there is at least one place every day where people can get a hot meal and a bag or two of groceries. I volunteer at a few of them, and have had to go to one of them before to get groceries after I put AH out and subsequently lost his income.
I put it off until I had no other option-- I had food for the next meal, but didn't know what I would feed my kids the next morning. It wasn't that I thought they were beneath me, but that I really never considered myself a "poor" person. I thought there were other people who were so much worse off than me & my family. If I didn't have two kids, I would not have gone when I did, but might have had to eventually. Pride disappears when you have to choose between it and being able to eat.
Most areas have a 2-1-1 help line and they will direct anyone who calls them to someone who can help them, whether that's with food, or shelter, or finding employment. The Salvation Army is everywhere, too. I've taken these calls from my ABrother and from my AH since we separated. Every time it's hard. Every time it breaks my heart. But I can't help them until they want to help themselves.
All of this to say, if he wants help, there is help available.
And I'm sorry you're having to go through this with your mother's heart thrown into the mix. I can't imagine how much harder it would be to take those calls from one of my children. (((((Heartbroken))))) One things that helps me is to pray for them every time they call and ask me for help that I cannot provide. Neither of them want to hear that, but it is how I handle it.
I put it off until I had no other option-- I had food for the next meal, but didn't know what I would feed my kids the next morning. It wasn't that I thought they were beneath me, but that I really never considered myself a "poor" person. I thought there were other people who were so much worse off than me & my family. If I didn't have two kids, I would not have gone when I did, but might have had to eventually. Pride disappears when you have to choose between it and being able to eat.
Most areas have a 2-1-1 help line and they will direct anyone who calls them to someone who can help them, whether that's with food, or shelter, or finding employment. The Salvation Army is everywhere, too. I've taken these calls from my ABrother and from my AH since we separated. Every time it's hard. Every time it breaks my heart. But I can't help them until they want to help themselves.
All of this to say, if he wants help, there is help available.
And I'm sorry you're having to go through this with your mother's heart thrown into the mix. I can't imagine how much harder it would be to take those calls from one of my children. (((((Heartbroken))))) One things that helps me is to pray for them every time they call and ask me for help that I cannot provide. Neither of them want to hear that, but it is how I handle it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
HB, my son lived "out there" for 9 days and it ripped me apart. I found out later he hung out at the sober living place with former Rehab roomates during the day and then either crashed on couches or a few times, in a tent! Even in sunny San Diego, that is scary. He is 22. I still worry about him in the sober living, and homeless is so devastating but REMEMBER that your son can and will survivne and when he is ready . he can and will get help. I have to also stop obsessing moment by moment. In our city, there are over 50 places that one can get food. I sent my son the information the last time I gave him food money and said "Your roomate doesn't work and you are sharing food. Have him go get some".
Hugs and hope to you,
Teresa
Hugs and hope to you,
Teresa
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
My AD has survived through a combination of shelters, food banks, mooching of frineds/family/strangers, being hospitalized, imprisoned, committing crimes, and God only knows what else. The only thing that living at home spared her was the homeless shelters and food bank, the rest she did regardless.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
I met a homeless guy today who lived under a tunnel. He has other homeless friends. They watch their backs. He was sane, in alanon and very helpful to me. My son, who was 18 and a drug dealer chose to leave our home the night he got out of detox because he wanted his car and cell phone and din't want to follow the new rules. He made it 6 weeks. Addicts are very resourceful. He left his 15 day jail sentence for stealing early to get his stitches and did not go back as was demanded. He hopped a grayhound to Ga. There are plenty of free places to eat. I have compassion for addicts but in the end giving them the dignity to make their own choices and deal with the consequences is a higher form of love than fixing their lives to suit what WE think is best. That is self-centered. Let him go.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by Heartbroken0608 
. I've googled soup kitchens near him but it seems he thinks they are below him (thanks to me and the enabling I've provided him his entire life).
...Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? ...
...Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? ...
I read a story about a woman in a concentration camp (Pieces of Isabella). She and her sister escaped with a bunch of other people while in the last days of the war, the Nazis were marching them through the woods in the dark from one camp to another. The guards were the dredges of society: 14 year old boys, severely disabled men, old men; all the soldiers and regular guards were on the front lines.
The guards were too tired and hungry themselves to round up everyone, it was dark, the woods, a couple hundred people had escaped. So they lured the escapees back. How? Why would anyone voluntarily return to nazi guards on a death march to a concentration camp when they had escaped?
The guards made a large bonfire and started roasting potatoes. They smelled so good to the starving escapees, that one by one they left their hiding places in the woods and returned to the death march.
Isabella as she left her hiding place KNEW that she was going to return and they would NOT give her a potato. She KNEW she would not get so much as a bite. She KNEW she wouldn't get a burnt potato peel. She KNEW she was returning to her death. But she was starving, she'd DO anything for food, ...or for the chance to stand near food, to smell it better, to HOPE she might get something, somehow, by some miracle by returning.
This is a true story. It's a testament to the power of hunger. If he has a soup kitchen available, he will not die of starvation.
It's also a testament to the power of denial and self delusion.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
My son would live in shelters. I thought this was terrible until one time, when he went to detox and wasn't allowed to leave, I went to the shelter to retrieve his things. It was a Salvation Army shelter and it was spotlessly clean, there were counselors there available to talk to anyone interested in finding detox or a program, and they supplied a hot breakfast and dinner every day. There were churches in the area that provided hot lunches.
I was never afraid of my son living in a shelter again. It was better than some of the places he had chosen himself.
I always reminded myself that my son could always find his drugs, so he was capable of finding recovery if he wanted it.
Keeping your boy in my prayers.
Hugs
I was never afraid of my son living in a shelter again. It was better than some of the places he had chosen himself.
I always reminded myself that my son could always find his drugs, so he was capable of finding recovery if he wanted it.
Keeping your boy in my prayers.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
Thanks for your replies. I know you are all right...he will find a way if he really needs to. It's just hard.
I think I got this poem on here originally. I read it often and it's helping me right now.
Broken Toys
As children bring their broken toys*
with tears for us to mend,*
I brought my broken dreams to God,*
because He was my friend.*
But then, instead of leaving Him,*
in peace, to work alone;*
I hung around and tried to help,*
with ways that were my own.*
At last, I snatched them back and cried,*
"How can you be so slow?"*
"My child," He said,*
"What could I do?*
You never did let go."
- Author: Lauretta P. Burns -
I think I got this poem on here originally. I read it often and it's helping me right now.
Broken Toys
As children bring their broken toys*
with tears for us to mend,*
I brought my broken dreams to God,*
because He was my friend.*
But then, instead of leaving Him,*
in peace, to work alone;*
I hung around and tried to help,*
with ways that were my own.*
At last, I snatched them back and cried,*
"How can you be so slow?"*
"My child," He said,*
"What could I do?*
You never did let go."
- Author: Lauretta P. Burns -
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Resourcefulness. Homeless people are resourceful. Allow your son to make his own decisions now. If he's hungry but can call you, he can search for soup kitchens or churches that give out free food. There are places that can help him. He will find them, if he's really that hungry. AA & NA are available. Shelters are available. Libraries have free internet. I don't know where he is, but help is available, if he wants it badly enough!
Do you attend Al Anon or Nar Anon?
Love, hugs, & prayers,
Do you attend Al Anon or Nar Anon?
Love, hugs, & prayers,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
I attend families anonymous but I missed my meeting last week. I also rescheduled my therapy appt last week. I guess I shouldn't do that again! I've been doing so well but for some reason am "relapsing" today.
And the bruins just lost.
And the bruins just lost.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: not sure
Posts: 452
Heartbroken, many of us have lived through this. My AS was homeless for almost two years. It wasn't easy, but he did survive it. He didn't "like" staying at a shelter because they had to leave during the day, and he had no place to leave his things - but mainly he just didn't want to follow rules. So he chose to stay in a tent - almost a campsite of homeless guys.
He did everything from raiding the vacuums at carwashes hoping for change, stood on a corner with a sign, panhandled at truck stops, etc. At one point when he didn't have a tent, he made friends with the manager of an old run-down motel. He allowed him to stay in a room occasionally. He even slept under the motel in a crawl space sometimes and just anywhere.
He could have stayed in a shelter though. He just chose not to. I do remember that at the Salvation Army, there was a list of resources available to help those who were in need. My son did make use of that list. It included medical, housing, rehab, utilities, and food sources. You might check to see if a list for local services is available near him. Well, there I go again. Maybe HE could check for a list!
You are stong and wise. It truly is difficult for a mom to know whether to hug 'em or hit 'em during the life of insanity. You are doing fine. You can't change it. When he gets ready, he will seek help. You take care.
He did everything from raiding the vacuums at carwashes hoping for change, stood on a corner with a sign, panhandled at truck stops, etc. At one point when he didn't have a tent, he made friends with the manager of an old run-down motel. He allowed him to stay in a room occasionally. He even slept under the motel in a crawl space sometimes and just anywhere.
He could have stayed in a shelter though. He just chose not to. I do remember that at the Salvation Army, there was a list of resources available to help those who were in need. My son did make use of that list. It included medical, housing, rehab, utilities, and food sources. You might check to see if a list for local services is available near him. Well, there I go again. Maybe HE could check for a list!
You are stong and wise. It truly is difficult for a mom to know whether to hug 'em or hit 'em during the life of insanity. You are doing fine. You can't change it. When he gets ready, he will seek help. You take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
If left with no other choice you can also find a job way beneath you at that McDonalds.
They are resourceful, and in many ways through their actions in active addiction they do show what they are capable of. They would walk miles to cop, how capable they are of finding drugs, well then they can for a job or a meal, or a place to crash, or for help. They do when they are ready.
And the girl thing that cynical wrote of, yeah even homeless with nothing to offer they can find some girl to take care of them.
It is amazing the power of a gf, and what her parents will believe wanting to make their child happy. My son's gf's parents took him in. As the mother said they were saving him from his mean mommy who didn't understand him, when the fact was I did more than I ever wanted too. Even with me saying you know he is a crack addict, oh and btw your daughter uses with him, they had to learn the hard way.
They are resourceful, and in many ways through their actions in active addiction they do show what they are capable of. They would walk miles to cop, how capable they are of finding drugs, well then they can for a job or a meal, or a place to crash, or for help. They do when they are ready.
And the girl thing that cynical wrote of, yeah even homeless with nothing to offer they can find some girl to take care of them.
It is amazing the power of a gf, and what her parents will believe wanting to make their child happy. My son's gf's parents took him in. As the mother said they were saving him from his mean mommy who didn't understand him, when the fact was I did more than I ever wanted too. Even with me saying you know he is a crack addict, oh and btw your daughter uses with him, they had to learn the hard way.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Burnsville, MN
Posts: 966
My son spent about a year homeless, but always in contact with me. I don't consider his couch surfing time before as "homeless". I'm talking about after he burned all his bridges, had no where left to go but shelter or rehab. Eventually he choose rehab again.
There are quite a few shelters in the Twin Cities, some better than others. Yes, they do make you get up and leave every morning and be out all day. In the dead of winter they are more popular, so you may end up sleeping on a mat on the floor. My son had "standards", he wouldn't stay at certain shelters because they weren't safe (in his opinion).
There are resources available, they're not providing a cushy lifestyle, but you can get basic needs met. AND if they keep looking, keep pushing, they can get into rehab if they choose and if they're lucky and look in just the right places they might get into some counseling or even basic job skills training. BUT they have to want it and look for it and seek it out, etc.
My son has a place to live (small, run down & shares w/roommates,) food assistance (about $160 a mo.) and basic medical coverage. He hasn't progressed to a job or schooling yet, he claims he's doing the best he can today.
There are quite a few shelters in the Twin Cities, some better than others. Yes, they do make you get up and leave every morning and be out all day. In the dead of winter they are more popular, so you may end up sleeping on a mat on the floor. My son had "standards", he wouldn't stay at certain shelters because they weren't safe (in his opinion).
There are resources available, they're not providing a cushy lifestyle, but you can get basic needs met. AND if they keep looking, keep pushing, they can get into rehab if they choose and if they're lucky and look in just the right places they might get into some counseling or even basic job skills training. BUT they have to want it and look for it and seek it out, etc.
My son has a place to live (small, run down & shares w/roommates,) food assistance (about $160 a mo.) and basic medical coverage. He hasn't progressed to a job or schooling yet, he claims he's doing the best he can today.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I started to post to this thread yesterday but erased what I wrote. It contained some of the stuff that has been written in the replies above. But it also included some of the darker things they do to survive.....stealing and dealing.
My son is out there too. I'm not strong enough to have contact with him. He can still manipulate me far too easily even though I know that it's not good for him or me. It breaks my heart to see a young man with so much going for him fall into the deepest pit of addiction. It is very hard to know that I live in comfort while he struggles to survive. But I know in my heart that he knows that there is a way out......when/if he chooses to do so. He is smart in a way that I am not. I laugh sometimes knowing that if we had a catastrophic event.....he would be able to survive with the skills he has learned.....and I would not fare as well.
Your son....all of our sons and daughters......are in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
My son is out there too. I'm not strong enough to have contact with him. He can still manipulate me far too easily even though I know that it's not good for him or me. It breaks my heart to see a young man with so much going for him fall into the deepest pit of addiction. It is very hard to know that I live in comfort while he struggles to survive. But I know in my heart that he knows that there is a way out......when/if he chooses to do so. He is smart in a way that I am not. I laugh sometimes knowing that if we had a catastrophic event.....he would be able to survive with the skills he has learned.....and I would not fare as well.
Your son....all of our sons and daughters......are in my prayers today.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I was homeless for about 2 years, along with my now XABF#3. We were both addicted to crack...he sold it (or stole it), I did what females often do to keep us supplied with our crack
I could have paid for a motel room, but it was more important to get crack with any money.
I'd survive on a bag of chips, a cheap soda and cigarettes. We "slept" in empty apartments that we snuck into or in a "dope house". Because I didn't lie or steal from any of the "boys" (dealers), they looked after me..would get me food, do their best to let me stay in one of the dope houses, but XABF#3 would steal from them, we'd get kicked out, then they'd come back and tell me *I* could stay there, but not him. I always followed him (codie to the core). Food stamps were usually sold for dope by the people that got them.
Looking back, I can't even imagine living that life again, but it's obviously what I needed to do to get to where I am today. Yes, bad things did and do happen with that lifestyle, but I wouldn't ever underestimate the resourcefulness of an A. XABF#3 did it for over 25 years until he died of pneumonia, at the age of 50 (my age now) because smoking that damned crack pipe was more important than seeing a dr.
I'm sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry if what I've posted hurts even more, but I hope that seeing where I WAS and where I am now (5+ years into recovery) can give a glimmer of hope that all our A's will find their way into recovery. I just had to have enough consequences pile up on top of each other until I truly believed "this is it...I can't do this any more, I want my life back".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I could have paid for a motel room, but it was more important to get crack with any money.I'd survive on a bag of chips, a cheap soda and cigarettes. We "slept" in empty apartments that we snuck into or in a "dope house". Because I didn't lie or steal from any of the "boys" (dealers), they looked after me..would get me food, do their best to let me stay in one of the dope houses, but XABF#3 would steal from them, we'd get kicked out, then they'd come back and tell me *I* could stay there, but not him. I always followed him (codie to the core). Food stamps were usually sold for dope by the people that got them.
Looking back, I can't even imagine living that life again, but it's obviously what I needed to do to get to where I am today. Yes, bad things did and do happen with that lifestyle, but I wouldn't ever underestimate the resourcefulness of an A. XABF#3 did it for over 25 years until he died of pneumonia, at the age of 50 (my age now) because smoking that damned crack pipe was more important than seeing a dr.
I'm sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry if what I've posted hurts even more, but I hope that seeing where I WAS and where I am now (5+ years into recovery) can give a glimmer of hope that all our A's will find their way into recovery. I just had to have enough consequences pile up on top of each other until I truly believed "this is it...I can't do this any more, I want my life back".
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by Heartbroken0608
I'm looking for words of wisdom to help me realize that somehow my son will survive. He's technicaly not homeless, but is just bumming places to stay. I've been getting calls lately from him telling me he's hungry. He's not directly asking for money but is YANKING at my heart strings. I desperately want to jump on a plane and go take care of him...but I won't do that.
I need some examples of what people can do to get food, get help for themselves. I just don't and have never lived in that world (thankfully) and can't even begin to understand what it's like. I was raised and currently live in suburbia..white picket fence and all. The ample paycheck is directly deposited every thurdsday and having to think about where my next meal is going to come from has never been even a passing thought in my mind. I've googled soup kitchens near him but it seems he thinks they are below him (thanks to me and the enabling I've provided him his entire life). He's got a job in the works... Always starting in a "few days" and then always falling through. I'm struggling with wanting to slap him and wanting to hug him and never let him go, both at the same time.. If it were me I'd be taking any job I could possibly find, I don't understand ...
Although I'm doing much better than I have been in a long time, I'm starting to really obsess and worry about him and am thinking there is no way he's going to survive. Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? I'm falling into the pit of thinking I am...that if I don't save him he'll die. Yes, I guess my ego is a little overblown right now...
I need some examples of what people can do to get food, get help for themselves. I just don't and have never lived in that world (thankfully) and can't even begin to understand what it's like. I was raised and currently live in suburbia..white picket fence and all. The ample paycheck is directly deposited every thurdsday and having to think about where my next meal is going to come from has never been even a passing thought in my mind. I've googled soup kitchens near him but it seems he thinks they are below him (thanks to me and the enabling I've provided him his entire life). He's got a job in the works... Always starting in a "few days" and then always falling through. I'm struggling with wanting to slap him and wanting to hug him and never let him go, both at the same time.. If it were me I'd be taking any job I could possibly find, I don't understand ...
Although I'm doing much better than I have been in a long time, I'm starting to really obsess and worry about him and am thinking there is no way he's going to survive. Can anyone tell me about the resources that are available for people in his predicament? Convince me that, indeed, I am not his only option? I'm falling into the pit of thinking I am...that if I don't save him he'll die. Yes, I guess my ego is a little overblown right now...
Depends on what his drug of choice is and how far into addiction he is. They will stop at nothing to feed the addiction. I have personally seen some go to the extremes ... selling their very soul. You giving or not giving only makes a difference for the MOMENT. It's the same hunt the next day. They don't care who they get $ from, just as long as they get it. I learned a long time ago that no one can possibly support an addict. Even if you tried, you would go bankrupt by the end of the month. There is no end.
I hope you've found some comfort and peace. Xoxo
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
JMF, you are correct. Some shelters are so violent & dangerous that people choose to sleep under a bridge even in the winter. The "no questions asked" type shelter allow people under the influence of alcohol & drugs in.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 326
Originally Posted by incitingsilence
...It is amazing the power of a gf, and what her parents will believe wanting to make their child happy. My son's gf's parents took him in. As the mother said they were saving him from his mean mommy who didn't understand him, when the fact was I did more than I ever wanted too. Even with me saying you know he is a crack addict... they had to learn the hard way.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
[QUOTE=hades;3378139]
He places personal ads on the internet with pictures of him looking healthy and having fun. I have no clue how someone who is homeless can even get his hands on a computer, but he does.
Many public libraries in my area are full of homeless, mentally ill and probably under the influence of something, M-F, during the day. Not uncommon to see all the pc stations full. Some probably are looking for jobs. Others probably look for victims. /QUOTE]
My daughter was indeed brilliant when she was in active addiction.
He places personal ads on the internet with pictures of him looking healthy and having fun. I have no clue how someone who is homeless can even get his hands on a computer, but he does.
Many public libraries in my area are full of homeless, mentally ill and probably under the influence of something, M-F, during the day. Not uncommon to see all the pc stations full. Some probably are looking for jobs. Others probably look for victims. /QUOTE]
My daughter was indeed brilliant when she was in active addiction.
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