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New, Scared... this is all new to me

Old 04-25-2012, 12:37 PM
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Red face New, Scared... this is all new to me

Well what to say? The most I ever did in my life was smoked some stuff a handfull of times in my life. Things have happened in the last few years that have changed my way of thinking and I've done things I would never want my family to know about. Yes, I've got kids that look up to me, a family that always thought I never did any wrong (they were shocked to see me smoke a cigarette!), and I've got a very professional job that would be ended with my licensed pulled if word ever got out. So it's so hard for me to seek help. Yes, I admit I'm to the point I need help. The world is so unforgiving that if I made an admission to all I've done, they'd rather see me punished than see me get help. But I know generally others who have been there are more understanding. This is my first step towards getting any sort of help and I want to try it here. Here of all places in the world.
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Old 04-25-2012, 12:43 PM
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Hiya :-) whatever it is..its never to late to make changes..if you want to change. You will see on here most of us have hit rock bottom at some point and know we have needed help...just sharing your feelings can make a huge difference, welcome and dont worry, things never stay the same and theres always a way out of a bad situation..it just takes time and determination. Xxx
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:06 PM
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Welcome to SR overwhelming.

Originally Posted by overwhelming View Post
The world is so unforgiving that if I made an admission to all I've done, they'd rather see me punished than see me get help.
You might find that the world is more forgiving than you'd imagine. It's hard to think that when you're dealing with problems on your own though.

Glad you're here x
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:07 PM
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Welcome! glad you are here!
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:14 PM
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I too am in a high pressure job, I run my own business and am a single mum to a teenager, so fully understand the pressures and how hard it is to reach out for help - well done for coming here, everyone is lovely and offer really good advice xxx Good luck and keep strong, you are doing the right thing x
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:24 PM
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I suppose I can say my weakness is dilaudid. Going to the er to MAYBE get some, or to get some from work. I wish I could have it now. It's been well over one or two months since I've had it. How do I change how I think?! I haven't been working for a few months and starting this weekend I will be working with it again. I know I will use and I hate that. I don't want to lose my job if I get caught! I hate that this has even started.

I'm also addicted to prescription meds (yes they are legitimately written for me) but I can't get off of them. They cause so much horrible withdrawal.

I have smoked crack on a few occassions with a friend and I hate myself for falling deeper and deeper. I hate that I like how it feels. The good thing is that I'm not exposed to it except a few times a year, but if my friends are doing it, so am I.

Alcohol in any form has been a huge help to me. I think the common link is I want something to "remove" me from reality. I just lost a bunch of people in my family (died) and I can't deal with it. I'm trying to ignore it. I never thought I'd do this to myself, but it's like I'm purposly killing myself! This is too much. I don't want to hit bottom and lose my family.
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Old 04-25-2012, 01:42 PM
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Coming here is a huge step in getting help overwhelming, and at least you have realised that it is a problem for you. Is it possible for you to speak to your doctor about this, especially concerning the prescription meds? x
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:08 PM
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Hi overwhelming

I'm an alcoholic but we have a lot of people here dealing with prescription med abuse - I think one of the main problems people face there is the fact they need the meds for pain relief or whatever, but the meds slowly come to control entire lives...and maybe even lead to other crazy atypical decisions and drug taking.

I would speak to your Dr, as difficult as that may be.

I think this is a situation where we all, no matter what the addiction, have to take a deep breath and admit this is something we can't solve ourselves.

Unfortunately many of us have tried to do just that, to save our face, only to have the problem spiral, and have our situation revealed anyway. I really encourage you to get help now overwhelming.

You'll find a lot of support here

We also have a substance abuse forum you may like to look at:
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome
D
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:23 PM
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You need to get some help with this. You can get help voluntarily now, confidential, all that... or you can wait until you get caught.... Not if, but when... Then it's gonna be get help now, the way you are told to do it, or forget the career thing.... Also, hospitals and such tend to pursue criminal charges as well.

It's ugly, newspapers, all that. I see it happen all the time.

Your post worries me. You know the consequences, you know that this sh1t is bad news, the alcohol, everything... yet you know you are gonna hit the dilaudid this weekend.

Is there anything any of us can say? To make you get help? Frankly, I recommend you not go to work, at all, until you get this problem fixed. If you are a health care worker (I am assuming you are... licensed and all) you could hurt someone else, by commission or omission. Someone innocent, who needs you there, clean and sober, to help, not hurt.

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Old 04-25-2012, 03:40 PM
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now is the time for help...you still have your job and respect...addictions love to steal all that away...i own my own business and i put it in such peril...SR is a very good place to start.
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Old 04-25-2012, 03:55 PM
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Welcome, overwhelming!

Glad you reached out today..... It's scary to think about giving up our addiction(s) - we all need help and support to do it. This is a great starting place! Keep reading and posting!
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Old 04-25-2012, 04:02 PM
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Originally Posted by overwhelming View Post
I've got a very professional job that would be ended with my licensed pulled if word ever got out. So it's so hard for me to seek help.
You can get off the prescription meds without the horrible withdrawal by talking to your prescribing doctor about tapering off slowly. They do this routinely with drugs that create tolerance and dependence, so it would not be anything new. As for privacy, it is quite possible to recover from addiction without any entanglements with the social service system. Rational Recovery, for example, is completely private, and does not require any self-disclosure at all.

I second what Mark said, though. At the moment, you are a liability not only to yourself, but also to an unsuspecting public. You cannot afford to keep this up. If you get caught, you will probably be found negligent, and they will throw the book at you. If you actually manage to do some real damage, it can get much worse. I saw healthcare workers who got caught stealing drugs from their hospital when I was in AA, and it was not a pretty sight. You do not want to end up like that.
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Old 04-25-2012, 06:24 PM
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Welcome to SR!
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:37 AM
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Welcome overwhelming, glad you're here, well done for reaching out. You'll find a lot of support on this site, wishing you the very best!
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