gordano

Last week I had planned to go to an AA meeting to check it out, but I chickened out at the last minute for two reasons. First, I have extreme social anxiety. My wife knows this and was going to join me, but she had to stay late for work and wasn't going to make it in time. Secondly, I am skeptical about some of the beliefs of AA. I was just wondering if I went to a meeting would the people be receptive to me questioning certain parts of the program? I don't want to offend anyone, but I really have to believe in something before I can commit 100 percent.

Zebra1275

Go to some meetings and keep your mouth shut. You are going there to get sober, not debate AA steps and traditions.

If you go with your wife you should probably go to an open meeting, unless your wife also has a drinking problem. Closed meetings, which I think will be better for you, you will need to without your wife.

aasharon90

I too have delt with anxiety which went
along with everything I did. Not just
meetings. However, meetings for me
was where I learned how to stay sober
a day at a time without feeling alone.

I listened, absorbed the words of wisdom,
experiences from other member, especially
the "old-timers". Those where the ones that
have stayed sober for a many one days at
a time to get them where they are today.

For me, I could see and hear from those
face to face if they went back out to test
the waters to only return to share that alcohol
is still kicking butt big time. That they are there
to learn how to stay sober like many others
have.

LISTEN - ABSORB is what I did at each of many
many meetings I attended to take home with me
and apply to my everyday life.

Walk the walk of recovery. Talk the talk of recovery.
Live the life of recovery.

Its has worked for me for the last 21 yrs and
continues to do so today.

The reward or payoff is another sober day filled
with graditude, happiness, freedom, honesty,
blessings, miracles, etc.

It can be for you too.

Mark75

No one of us has achieved anything like spiritual perfection but we can claim spiritual progress.... (AA 1st edition)

You will hear that at AA.

Go! Don't leave without a Big Book and some phone numbers. Go to several different meetings. See if you can find a temporary sponsor... You have to ask.

Don't worry about it. Check your pride at the door.

miamifella

Receptivity to questioning will be different with different individuals. The meetings consist of people sharing their experience--not anyone asking questions, so this issue may not come up when you go to meetings.

Within the meeting, no one makes you speak and if you ask questions they will tell you to ask them individually of people at the end of the meeting. This format can feel very odd, but I think the idea is to avoid having you open yourself up to everyone in the room giving you advice.

onlythetruth

I think you have done an excellent thing by asking the question here. The reactions you get here will likely be fairly similar to the ones you'd run across at a face to face meeting.

onlythetruth

In my experience, the only thing it's truly necessary to commit to 100% is abstinence from alcohol.

sugarbear1

Call it what you want, but all I had to do was be willing to believe that there is a possibility that there is a power greater than me that may exist. I worked the steps.

Today, I have no reason to drink, no desire, no craving and I couldn't even will myself to drink...(I tried it). I am not religious at all. It's working for me. I just work on being the best me possible each moment of each day.

AVRT is online. Try working that!

gordano

Thanks everyone. The reason I asked here was so I didn't offend anyone at the meetings. I think the proper format for me to ask questions would be a one on one conversation with a sponsor (like some of you have suggested). The reason I would be asking questions is because I need to find which sober recover program is right for me since there is more than just one method (AA, SMART Recovery, Rational Recovery, etc.) In any event I will be attending AA just for the face to face support group since the other recovery methods don't have this option sometimes.

sugarbear1

You'll at least meet and make some sober friends who you can call when you feel like drinking or just to hang out with.

Mark75

AVRT and AA don't have to be mutually exclusive.

gordano

another thing to add... I know the resistance to AA probably sounds stupid to people who have benefited greatly from it, but right now my mind is weak and is coming up with reasons why I shouldn't go (mostly because of my social anxiety). I guess the reason I created this thread is so that you guys can kick me in the A55 and tell me like it is - I need AA and It will help me whether or not I believe in the process 100 percent right now.

miamifella

12-step programs do not have to work completely for you. Just a little can be enough.

I spent years trying to work a 12-step program, but without it ever really working for me. However, there are things I encountered and stories I heard that have helped me tremendously since leaving the program.

The pathology of addicts is to want everything to be all-or-nothing. You see it a lot here when people discuss the various 12-step fellowships. But the truth is grey. Nothing on earth works 100%. But the good thing is that most things do not need to be "100%" to work just fine.

sugarbear1

By interacting in one to one conversations, small and large group situations, that anxiety can lessen. Working the 12 steps will get you to see your own behavior in a new way. This is where the spirituality comes in to play--by changing our way of interacting with the world. Try reading the book Alcoholics Anonymous it's online. Or listen to speaker tapes at xa-speakers.org. Listen to those talks from recorded meetings. Yeah, they use the word "God" a lot, but I insert my own conception of a power greater than I every time I hear that word. It's about learning to love yourself and others, that's all. Sandy B. has great talks on the steps in his Saturday Morning Live talks from the weekly meetings held in Virginia back in the 90's (I think it was the 90's, maybe 80's, but still relevant).

Whatever you do, just do it well and stay stopped! Alcohol Jail is self-imposed and perpetuates the social anxiety and other stuff we feel/do.

Peace,

gordano

"The pathology of addicts is to want everything to be all-or-nothing. You see it a lot here when people discuss the various 12-step fellowships. But the truth is grey. Nothing on earth works 100%. But the good thing is that most things do not need to be "100%" to work just fine."

Thanks for pointing this out. Now that I think of it, I don't think I have ever agreed with any process 100 percent and yet many of them have benefited me greatly. Its a relief that I can work my way through this addiction with the help of others and I just don't have to rely on my own thought process anymore. My own thought process is what has kept me imprisoned to alcohol for the last 12 years.

2granddaughters

Alcoholism will tell you that you don't have a problem and when you come to the point where you think you might have a problem, it will not let you accept the solution to your problem.
You have the same doubts that I had when I came to AA. I tell the newcomers to go to AA and listen to the oldtimers, then keep going until what you heard them say makes sense.

Google and read AA's "How It Works" and "The Doctor's Opinion". Let us know what problems you have with those texts.

All the best.

Bob R

aasharon90

Bring a pack of cookies to the meeting
to go with the coffee is what I did to all
my meetings as a way of service work.

You will eventually be seen and acknowledge
for a random act of kindness. Not only did
that service allow me to get out of my own
"stinking thinking" "selfish absorb thinking"
but help me stay sober one more day and
let others see me staying sober, suiting up
and showing up.

Listen.....Absorb....Observe

What I put into my own recovery has come
back to me more rewarding than I could possibly
know.

Sapling

If you can give half the commitment that you gave to drinking...You'll do fine.

gordano

That is a great suggestion aasharon90 and I think it will help me break the ice with people and help me get over my anxiety. My selfish self-absorbed thinking is one of the main reasons I have this addiction.

Squizz

Just go. It's that simple. If you don't like it, remember one thing: There's more than one way to skin a cat. AA isn't for everyone.

That being said, it's extremely hard to find other sober people out there without a place like AA or NA. At least from my experience.

And isolating, and hanging out with old drinking buddies probably isn't a good idea.

If nothing else, at least you'll meet other sober people at AA.

And truth be told, you probably aren't going to like a lot of them. But the ones you do like can certainly help you. That much, I can promise you.