Frenzy

Thought I'd say hello and share a little of my experience.
I've been drinking since late teens, I'm in my 40s now. I've always enjoyed alcohol, didn't enjoy getting drunk because I'd detest that feeling when the room spins around as you're trying to get to sleep. So I knew my limit. Of course my limit was stretched gradually and over the past year I've been finishing a bottle of wine every night. I was sick with a bug last month and was off it for 3 days, I couldn't wait until I felt well enough to start again.
I would crack open the bottle when I started dinner at 5pm and carry on until about 11 pm,sometimes I'd want more but I managed not to.
I knew I was in trouble, but I enjoyed the drink and I knew I needed to stop but knowing I would never be able to drink again was something I couln't agree to.

So a couple of weeks back a couple of colleagues mentioned that my hands shook as they watched me and I felt embarrased, also I had guessed that the reason my hands went numb at night,twitching body, was to do with my heavy drinking.

So last Sunday I thought, I've got to face this head on and stop. It was roughly 48 hours later I felt the withdrawal syptoms kick in; I felt euphoria firstly, then weird train of thoughts, shaking uncontrollably, managed by scoffing junk food, night sweats, black shapes appearing, being excitable. This came as a shock, because I hadn't realised I had become physically dependent on the stuff, only emotionally. I told my husband the situation I was in and he was dumbfounded 'but you don't drink that much! You don't get drunk!' , he's supporting me but he dosen't fully understand, I told my father and he lolled at me , think he's in denial
. I've been to an AA meeting locally, felt very comfortable and am going to another one today. I'm 10 days sober, still having mild withdrawal.
I feel concerned about the future, I still feel I want alcohol , and have a dislike of getting drunk, I haven't reached the depths of many people with this illness, yet , but know that if I drink again I could well kill myself.
Thanks for reading, any input would be appreciated.

Spinach

Never mind other people's views .
You want to stop and you've found it disturbing then you were right , no need to label yourself just keep on stoping till you don't want to drink.
Use all some or any tricks help you find on here.
It's good you told your husband even if he doesn't think you have a problem as long as he supports you that will help no end.
You found here ,it's a great place for help.
John.

Sapling

Welcome Frenzy...That's a smart move. You've made it to 10 days so don't give that up. I also wouldn't worry about what anybody else thinks about your drinking problem. What you think is all that counts. I didn't like the idea of giving it up either...Even when it was killing me. It's cunning, baffling and powerful like that. What I did was set myself a goal of 90 meetings in 90 days.(Recommended to me) That made me accountable. I ended up doing a lot more than 90. I hung around with the winners...Asked a lot of questions before and after meetings....I learned to listen..And I listened to learn. Studied the book and got a sponsor to guide me through this...The 12 Steps. It works. If you want to change your life completely....It will do it...You just have to get honest with yourself and put in the effort. Best of luck to you.

scrambled2012

Hi Frenzy~~~! Congrads on your 10 days and welcome to SR~~~!

Dee74

welcome to SR Frenzy

Sounds like you're self aware and have the desire not to go any further down that dark road than you have - that's great

You'll find a lot of support here - good to have you join us

D

Frenzy

many thanks for your welcome and support.
One thing I wanted to mention was when I went to the 1st meeting, the lady who I went with commented that in my situation one would be known as a 'yet' within AA circles , as in I've yet to be at rock bottom. I felt rather disheartened in this comment.
I've not decided whether I'm over re acting, or being too sensitive, but I know it offended me.

Dee74

I'm sorry you were offended Frenzy - maybe what the woman was trying to convey was the idea that alcoholism is progressive?

...if we keep drinking the experience gets worse... we'll all experience worse and worse things...I know I did.

I don't believe anyone needs to reach a 'rock bottom' tho, or that our bottom needs necessarily be an event - to me, it's was simply a decision to not live that way anymore...we can make that decision anytime...

to borrow another AA maxim - we can choose to stop the elevator anytime we like

D

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Sapling

I wouldn't pay attention to that...I've never heard that either. You can have a desire to stop drinking before you lose it all....That's all you need to join. My problem was I didn't think it would work for me...I had to be beaten into there by alcohol. Could have saved myself some misery if I just tried it earlier.

foodie1

Well hello twin! Seriously, did you just crawl in my head and write all that down?? Our stories are so very similar, and that's probably the most important thing recovery has taught me: you're not unique. At first I was a little offended by this, but I've come to realize it means I'm not alone, I'm not the only one, there are others who drank like I did and still found sobriety. (by that last I mean that we hadn't "hit a bottom" so to speak, no one had asked us to quit, we still had our jobs-homes-spouses, and people even questioned our decision to stop drinking)

Welcome to SR, it's a beautiful journey you're starting and I'm glad you're here!!

soberbythesea

Can we be triplets? I really relate to this scenario too. Like Frenzy, a bottle of wine a night was pretty much my max rate (except for the occasional weekend night where I'd have a couple more drinks than that.) And I'd spread it over a long period of time. My husband doesn't think I have a problem, but I know I do. I've done enough stupid things while wasted and I've watched my drinking progress to a point that I know is not healthy. Plus I have a family history of alcoholism.

I don't think we should be worried about what anyone else thinks. What matters is that we know life is better for us without alcohol. Having lived 8 months sober before I can definitely attest that an alcohol-free life is better for me. That's why I'm returning to it now.

And if AA-ers call us "yet" types, well we shouldn't be offended, but take that as a compliment, since we are self-aware enough to know we have a problem even if others don't think we do. We didn't have to wait to hit a lower point in our lives before we stopped drinking.

anotherquitter

Hey, count me in to the 'yet' club. Just because I don't have any DUI's, or been fired from a job, or woke up where I shouldn't be, doesn't mean that I don't have a drinking problem.

I think we are all chose recovery because we can recognize within ourselves that we can live better lives, be better people, without alcohol. My desire to not drink is my membership card.

Sapling

I doubt you'll get called a "yet"..

Frenzy

so good to know I'm not alone! Hello siblings above

I think that a little paranoia had crept in and I need to get hold of myself and realise it's not all about 'me', sometimes.
Good to be here, I feel like I might fit in, thanks.....

Carly2332

Welcome to SR Frenzy :-). This is a great place with alot of people who understand what you are going through. Good luck on your journey to sobriety!

hypochondriac

Welcome Frenzy..sounds like you're on the completely right path..glad you're here x

artsoul

Welcome Frenzy!

I got up to a bottle of wine most nights, too, and it was more than enough of a bottom for me. All the plotting and planning, obsessive thinking, waking up sweating with my heart pounding, dreading the morning, hanging on until 5:00..... it's not a normal way to live. Don't let anyone convince you that you need some other kind of credentials to quit drinking!

I couldn't think about quitting "forever" either, so I just focused on staying sober that day (even hour by hour a couple times). The good news is that it gets easier over time. Keep at it!!!

sugarbear1

Every bottom has another bottom until death. No, you haven't hit rock bottom, you are still breathing!

Are you done drinking?

Have you read about AVRT?

Frenzy

No I don't know of that sugar bear. Very true art soul. I feel a sense of doom with it all. That there's this thing out there that I have to avoid, otherwise it will kill me, now is the closest time that I've realised that the thing that i was doing so effortlesslyevery day,drinking, is now so full of doom. Its something that I'm werey of facing.