Returning Member
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
Returning Member
Hello, I thought I would introduce myself. I was previously a member roughly 5 years ago and found this forum to be a great source for information and comfort from those dealing with the same issues.
After searching again for this site I finally found it and re-registered (no longer know what my old user ID was)
I have an AH that I have been married to for 14 years. When I was previously registered he had just gone through treatment. He did well in his recovery for a period of time but like many A's he relapsed after the first year.
He gets into the drinking on and off when he gets that idea into his head that he can "control" his drinking. His mother and siblings are also alcoholics so he doesn't get sobriety support from his family. Because of this I don't spend time with his family since they consider it "his" problem and the booze is always flowing at their homes and because I don't drink and don't like the alchohol they consider me "a problem". Over the years, in their drunken state, they have hurt me and caused serious problems in our relationship and quite frankly, I just don't have time in my life for people that think they are not responsible for things they say or do when they drunk.
I have many of the same type of stories as others, my situation has improved alot in the last 5 years, yet living with an alchoholic on any level is difficult. When the drinking is in effect, the lying and manipulation are still the same.
Recently his family is pushing him to come over alot more and that is usually when the drinking starts again or starts increasing again. He has been able to come to the realization on his own that he is drinking too much and stop for a period of time but for me I always wonder when it will get to the point where he won't be able to stop.
My problems seem so little compared to what others have gone through or are going through but sometimes I feel like it's nice to talk to others that experience the same frustrations.
After searching again for this site I finally found it and re-registered (no longer know what my old user ID was)
I have an AH that I have been married to for 14 years. When I was previously registered he had just gone through treatment. He did well in his recovery for a period of time but like many A's he relapsed after the first year.
He gets into the drinking on and off when he gets that idea into his head that he can "control" his drinking. His mother and siblings are also alcoholics so he doesn't get sobriety support from his family. Because of this I don't spend time with his family since they consider it "his" problem and the booze is always flowing at their homes and because I don't drink and don't like the alchohol they consider me "a problem". Over the years, in their drunken state, they have hurt me and caused serious problems in our relationship and quite frankly, I just don't have time in my life for people that think they are not responsible for things they say or do when they drunk.
I have many of the same type of stories as others, my situation has improved alot in the last 5 years, yet living with an alchoholic on any level is difficult. When the drinking is in effect, the lying and manipulation are still the same.
Recently his family is pushing him to come over alot more and that is usually when the drinking starts again or starts increasing again. He has been able to come to the realization on his own that he is drinking too much and stop for a period of time but for me I always wonder when it will get to the point where he won't be able to stop.
My problems seem so little compared to what others have gone through or are going through but sometimes I feel like it's nice to talk to others that experience the same frustrations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: near by
Posts: 151
Hi, nice to meet you. I am in a similar situation, but my AH's triggers are some of his friends, not family. He was going on quite a few binges for a while. Now he is trying to control his drinking on his own. He quit drinking anything but beer, and 99% of the time, it is low-alcohol beer. He says this is because he knows what those binges were doing to his health, both physically and mentally.
I still live daily with the fear that another binge is in his future. However, by coming here and learning about addiction, I have found a certain peace. I now work on ME. I was such an enabler for years. Now I refuse to purchase or server him his beer. I also told him that when he is drunk, he becomes loud, obnoxious, opinionated, and rude. That is not a type of person I choose to associate with. So, if he decides to binge, at least he knows he'll be doing so without any interaction with me.
This may not be what works for everyone, and I don't try to pretend my life is perfect, but for now I am truly happy knowing that I have control over my actions, and only my actions. Take care of yourself and let others do the same.
I still live daily with the fear that another binge is in his future. However, by coming here and learning about addiction, I have found a certain peace. I now work on ME. I was such an enabler for years. Now I refuse to purchase or server him his beer. I also told him that when he is drunk, he becomes loud, obnoxious, opinionated, and rude. That is not a type of person I choose to associate with. So, if he decides to binge, at least he knows he'll be doing so without any interaction with me.
This may not be what works for everyone, and I don't try to pretend my life is perfect, but for now I am truly happy knowing that I have control over my actions, and only my actions. Take care of yourself and let others do the same.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 253
Originally Posted by Anappleaday 
I always wonder when it will get to the point where he won't be able to stop.
.
.
I don't know the answer to your wonder; I used to wonder the same thing. I hope with all my heart she figures it out before it's to late.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 38
[QUOTE=feelingalone43;3376407]I still live daily with the fear that another binge is in his future. However, by coming here and learning about addiction, I have found a certain peace. I now work on ME. I was such an enabler for years. Now I refuse to purchase or server him his beer. I also told him that when he is drunk, he becomes loud, obnoxious, opinionated, and rude. That is not a type of person I choose to associate with. So, if he decides to binge, at least he knows he'll be doing so without any interaction with me.
QUOTE]
Hi Feelingalone - that is exactly how I live my life now. I will not buy, nor will I bring him a beer. In fact if he does bring it home it isn't many because he doesn't even put it in the refrigerator. He knows if he wants to go to dinner with me the boundry is no drinks. If he does decide to go to his mothers and drink or pick beer up at the store he already knows that I won't do anything with him when he is drinking and that the smell of alchohol turns me off.
The only good thing about his family be A's is that when he is in a non-drinking mode, he will come home and tell me how foolish and rude they are when they are drunk how irritating they can be. I just nicely remind him - that's exactly how he behaves when he is drunk and it irritates me and other non-drinkers.
QUOTE]
Hi Feelingalone - that is exactly how I live my life now. I will not buy, nor will I bring him a beer. In fact if he does bring it home it isn't many because he doesn't even put it in the refrigerator. He knows if he wants to go to dinner with me the boundry is no drinks. If he does decide to go to his mothers and drink or pick beer up at the store he already knows that I won't do anything with him when he is drinking and that the smell of alchohol turns me off.
The only good thing about his family be A's is that when he is in a non-drinking mode, he will come home and tell me how foolish and rude they are when they are drunk how irritating they can be. I just nicely remind him - that's exactly how he behaves when he is drunk and it irritates me and other non-drinkers.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: near by
Posts: 151
That sounds familiar, too. One time my AH said to me "if my brother calls, and sounds drunk, tell him I am in bed because I hate talking to him when he's drinking." I took that opportunity to tell him I know just how he feels, because he acts and talks the same way when he's drunk.
There have been so many times that I wish I had video taped him when he was staggering around, bumping into walls on his way to bed. But for now, things are going well, and all I can do is hope they continue to do so. If a binge occurs, at least I know where my boundaries are and I WILL NOT subject myself to being around a drunk slob. I like myself too much for that.
There have been so many times that I wish I had video taped him when he was staggering around, bumping into walls on his way to bed. But for now, things are going well, and all I can do is hope they continue to do so. If a binge occurs, at least I know where my boundaries are and I WILL NOT subject myself to being around a drunk slob. I like myself too much for that.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
