changeschoices

XABF emailed me today, very apologetically asking for his mom's wedding band back. It was from her marriage, which ended in divorce. She gave him the ring many years ago because she didn't want it. He gave it to me as a gift two and a half years ago, and I've worn it every day since.

I don't want to give it back because I truly like it. I think his mother is just being petty--she didn't want it and gave it away, but she apparently doesn't want me to have it.

Advice? I'm willing to give him back any other gifts he gave me (which were: a pair of sneakers, an iPod, and that's about it). But I love the ring.

stairs

I would say yes because it has sentimental value to him.

fedup3

did you say he's your X? This is just me, I would give it back.

suki44883

I think you should give it back. It belonged to his mother and has sentimental value to him.

MyBetterWorld

Yes, I would give it back. Petty or not, it does have sentimental value and was given to you while in a relationship. Give it back and go get yourself something that you like to replace it.

onajourney

i would return it, be the bigger person, maybe it has sentimental value. i kept an eternity ring from my ex( had to get it out of pawn shop), only because DD wants it when she is 18, have been promising it to her for years. i have replaced it and love my new one, marks my new chapter!

changeschoices

I guess the sentimental value to me is what makes me want to keep it. Yes, he's the ex now, but I will always remember the night he gave it to me. Wearing it makes me happy--maybe that's weird! I guess I will never feel our relationship was a mistake, just a learning experience. I feel sad at the thought of giving it back and it sitting in a box.

suki44883

If it were a ring he bought for you, then I might say you have the right to keep it, but since it was given to him by his mother, even if she didn't want it, it sounds like he does want it and it really should be given back to him.

The idea of you buying one for yourself, or even possibly having one made similar to this one, sounds like a good idea to me.

Cyranoak

It's his Mom's, petty or not. Please examine what it is in your character that is making you want to keep it, what your motives are, and why it isn't clear to you that returning it is the right thing to do.

IMHO on this one there is a clear right, and a clear wrong.

My two cents.

Cyranoak

soberlicious

I disagree that it belongs to his mother. When someone gives you a gift, it becomes yours, it belongs to you. He and his mother didn't let you borrow the ring...they GAVE it to you. That said, sometimes bickering over "things" is just a way to stay tied to a person or situation when moving on makes more sense. In the end you have to do what is right for you and not look to others to validate that decision. Best to you.

changeschoices

Wow, hot topic, lol!

All good things to think about.

LovesToTravel

I guess I wouldn't want to just hand it back. It was a gift and you have all the right in the world to keep it. Perhaps he should buy it back so that you can replace it and he can have his mom's ring back.

posiesperson

I believe that things have an energetic value. That ring was from a marriage that resulted in divorce, and then given to you in a relationship that ended in a breakup. For me, I wouldn't want that thing anywhere near me.

My best guess, knowing myself, is that I would take a picture of it (or a few), give it back to my ex, and then decide if I want to have one just like it made for me...kind of like a new relationship with myself which also incorporates the best aspects of the past.

Good luck,
posie

gerryP

``All good things to think about.``

Don`t know what there is to think about. Do the right thing and return the ring.

changeschoices

Gerry, I see your point but I'm a single mom of two little girls who loaned $4K to an alcoholic who won't pay me back. It would be nice for him to step up and do the right thing by me and my girls.

Kiana

A gift's a gift in my view. I think you should do what makes you happy.

celticgenes

How about keeping it until he pays you the money he owes you? When he holds up his end of your financial life, you will give it back.

Marytherboo

If he gave it to you, how is it anyone's but yours? Is he returning everything you gave him too?

suki44883

Well, now you are adding new information you didn't include in your initial post. It doesn't change my opinion on what you should do, but it explains why you may think you are entitled to keep the ring.

At the end of the day, you are going to do whatever you want to do. You did come here and ask our advice. My advice still is to return the ring. Unless you can sell it for $4,000, holding on to it sounds like revenge more than anything. But, I agree with what Cyranoak said in that you should examine your motives for keeping the ring. Are you keeping it because you truly feel that a gift is a gift, or are you keeping it because you think you can get one last dig in?

Taking5

Was this an engagement ring? If so there are legal ramifications.

Engagement ring - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia