Jeni26

Hi everyone.

Lost count of how many days now but been sober for a few weeks, not without a struggle and a few close calls. But am still there and feeling good.

Just wanted to ask people who have been there, was there a time when emotionally you felt like you were clearing a backlog of buried emotions? I have self medicated for 25+ years and buried do many feelings, am now finding long forgotten memories and petty unresolved resentments emerging. Am sleeping like a baby for the first time in many many years , but dream constantly of stuff that happened in my childhood that I never fully resolved.
I suppose I should view this as a positive but it is freaking me out a bit. Am I going a bit loopy?!

Scolova

I try to forgive myself (and others) for things done long ago, it does help sometimes but others just never go away, drunk or sober. I've gone back into a bad bit of insomnia over the last week and anything\everything floods through my head, keeping me awake.
Good to hear you're staying sober.

Sapling

You're not going loopy...That's what they have the 4th step of AA for...To deal with all that. That's the step more people in AA seem to have trouble with...Honestly looking at all that stuff....And then getting rid of it with your 5th step....What freedom that is. I can only tell you that from experience.

candie

Jen i'm exactly the same hun.My dreams are really freaky, and stuff is coming up that I had buried really deep down inside.I have self medicated with food and alcohol for so long, this is really odd to actually feel stuff at last

onlythetruth

Yes, I had a freezer full of experiences and feelings--frozen solid for years. And when I quit drinking, they all thawed out and needed to be dealt with. This was a good thing (a lot better than collecting more items for the freezer!), but of course it was overwhelming.

For me, the solution I found most helpful was professional therapy. This was because, while I had no trouble identifying and cataloging the feelings, dealing with them was another story. It was truly difficult and I don't believe I could have done it without professional help.

Emma18

Every once in a while I find myself somewhere becoming totally overwhelmed with the amount of noise I can hear when I'm sober. It's like someone took pillows off my ears, never would have seen that coming.
But yeah, now if something goes wrong, even when the first thoughts are 'man, I'll go home and get ploughed so I don't have to think about this,' it's still a struggle to realise that's not the right then, but when I do, then I have to deal with the feelings that go along with that.

Anna

Yes, I had a very similar experience and it's a bit unsettling. It takes some time and patience to slowly work your way through the stuff that you've been avoiding. Journalling might be helpful.

MarkstheSpot

I get this too. Also a very vivid sense that I've completely wasted my life up to now, and that I want to rewind and take another run at it, and the fact that I can't chips away at my resolve a bit. Like, what's the point if I can't try again? Might as well carry on drinking...

These feelings go, I hasten to add.

Firehazard

Hi Jeni, Yes as a male with three years sober I am really begining to have ALOT of buried feelings and embedded dysfunctional behavioral patterns come up. It is not fun and quite humbling but is interesting and many of these new emotions and feelings I could focus on all day. It is fun and exhilarating at other times. Yes, as Sapling stated in a earlier post, I do get much relief from the fourth and tenth step but I feel that I may be able to expand on that.

I recently found myself at a very unique AA big book lecture again led by a very quirky backwoods member with over 30 years. This lecture I have attended every Tues for three months and have heard some very interesting things from this man. One applies to your dilema.

He stated that men and women approach the steps different and have different pitfalls and obstacles to overcome. This is a generalization and not always the case. However, I have often wondered WHY? and HoW? but I have not been around enough to notice many of the patterns of relapse. He had and expounded.

He said that women and men that do not make it early in recovery or that have great difficulty generally make to big strategical mistakes.
For the men is general Custers strategy of step work to charge in full tilt and conquer the steps. Rushing through and stating, I am done, when is the graduation ceremony. Solution, journal and do internal work slowly and pay attention to what is in between your ears.

The women though suffer from analysis paralasis as when all of these burried emotions bubble to the surface of which they are much more aware of they must be complete in analysing every last detail of thier experience. Of course they get overwhelmed, freeze then drop out.
Solution, work the step to the best of your ability and do not get stuck in the swampy bog of unresolved issues and emotions.
Move on to the next step in a timely fashion. Get it done. CHARGE

Congratulations on your sobriety so far and doing great work.

gordano

I would say this is completely normal. Alcohol only allows you to forget about your problems temporarily. They re-emerge when Alcohol is no longer in the picture. This is why its best to quit drinking as soon as you can. The more you suppress your problems with alcohol, the more problems you will have to deal with when you are sober, and the harder it will be to stay sober.

Jeni26

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply. I am yet to get a sponsor and work through the steps but feel I must start on that now.
I don't feel close to giving up, these feelings are strange and overwhelming at times but am reassured they are part of the process thanks to your messages.

Lots of hugs and best wishes to you all xx

Spinach

I think we often focus on the upsetting. I had or have many strong clear memories of views of places,people,music and emotions mainly happy but clear as crystal.
In other times and emotions I might be sad at the passing of time , but at the moment it screams sober.
John.