O/T Single Parents
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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O/T Single Parents
Sorry to be off topic but is anyone here part of an active on-line support group for single parents?
I re-read my thread from earlier this month. I am having such a hard time shaking this feeling but I don't really think it is even about an intimate relationship with a man so much as just being tired of being the only one. Only parent, only driver, only one working, only tucker inner, only grocery getter, only scheduler, only activity attender, only one every every day, without break. Parenting without a partner has some benefits for sure but it is relentless. I'm so tired and getting out of bed seems like such a chore because there is always so much to do and even more that is always undone. It kind of takes my breath away.
I did google and the top one's I looked at were not active. Since I can't change the only one part I need to cope better and thought a group might be helpful.
I re-read my thread from earlier this month. I am having such a hard time shaking this feeling but I don't really think it is even about an intimate relationship with a man so much as just being tired of being the only one. Only parent, only driver, only one working, only tucker inner, only grocery getter, only scheduler, only activity attender, only one every every day, without break. Parenting without a partner has some benefits for sure but it is relentless. I'm so tired and getting out of bed seems like such a chore because there is always so much to do and even more that is always undone. It kind of takes my breath away.
I did google and the top one's I looked at were not active. Since I can't change the only one part I need to cope better and thought a group might be helpful.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 19
I feel like that quite often. I, too, am a single parent and some days are better than others. We do have a good support group: neighbors, school friends, co-workers, church friends, etc. Good people are around.
hugs
hugs
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Thumper - I hear ya...and have no advice, except take ANY help thats offered.
My AH left in November and it has been relentless - we have 2 boys - 6 and 9and they are hard work...but as much as you love them dearly...you do need a break as well.
I had a nite away recently and my SIL took the boys for the nite. It was great to re-charge the batteries. I have good friends that would also give me a break when needed, but it not the same as having their Dad to help out and share the work. also I hate doing the "poor mouth", so I mostly just get on with things.
Hang in there!!
My AH left in November and it has been relentless - we have 2 boys - 6 and 9and they are hard work...but as much as you love them dearly...you do need a break as well.
I had a nite away recently and my SIL took the boys for the nite. It was great to re-charge the batteries. I have good friends that would also give me a break when needed, but it not the same as having their Dad to help out and share the work. also I hate doing the "poor mouth", so I mostly just get on with things.
Hang in there!!
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
there is no doubt it's tough, the things I find toughest are a) having all the responsibility for decisions, no-one to run it through with, get a sense of proportion with, and b) the lack of time to work out my own thoughts, it is relentless, so much so that when I do get a break I literally feel giddy, as if I am not quite tethered to the earth, it's very strange.
Perhaps this is my experience of relationships, but I don't see that having a partner would ease the "downsides".
It would be one more person with needs and foibles to add into the mix, different compromises and accomodations to make: I can't see how that would give me any more time to myself!
My main way of dealing with it is remembering what it was like trying to parent with an active alcoholic in the house (sorry, I know when anyone suggests a gratitude list to me I feel like kicking their smug behind accross the room). I don't have someone to lean on, but no-one is actively trampling me down either, so far all of the diificulties have paled into insignificance besides that experience.
somedays, the only thing I can be proud of at the end of the day is that I have the same number of children at the end as I had at the beginning and I wasn't fired: they may hate me for making them go to bed, they may not have eaten enough vegetables, they may have watched too much TV, the house may be a mess, I may have shouted, and not played enough, there may have been no bedtime stories, I may have been late for work, but nobody died.
and despite their very human mother, they are great kids, who know it's OK not to be perfect.
Perhaps this is my experience of relationships, but I don't see that having a partner would ease the "downsides".
It would be one more person with needs and foibles to add into the mix, different compromises and accomodations to make: I can't see how that would give me any more time to myself!
My main way of dealing with it is remembering what it was like trying to parent with an active alcoholic in the house (sorry, I know when anyone suggests a gratitude list to me I feel like kicking their smug behind accross the room). I don't have someone to lean on, but no-one is actively trampling me down either, so far all of the diificulties have paled into insignificance besides that experience.
somedays, the only thing I can be proud of at the end of the day is that I have the same number of children at the end as I had at the beginning and I wasn't fired: they may hate me for making them go to bed, they may not have eaten enough vegetables, they may have watched too much TV, the house may be a mess, I may have shouted, and not played enough, there may have been no bedtime stories, I may have been late for work, but nobody died.
and despite their very human mother, they are great kids, who know it's OK not to be perfect.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Hang in there!!
It is actually easier now than being married by a long shot. I have some other things going on that I am responsible for that is just piling on duties and stress. It will end though. I'm part of another group of mom's that is really fun but no single moms. Not sure it even matters - just thought it would be a good resource if one existed. April is always extra busy as all four of mine have April b-days. Summer is almost here!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I have some other things going on that I am responsible for that is just piling on duties and stress.
I have had a hard time befriending other parents, especially when I was single. I swear the married folks treated me like my single-ness was contagious. I found one really good single mom friend and we really connected -- and by "found" I mean I spotted her, pursued her, and was like, "You're going to be my friend" -- shared sitting duties, free time, and resources. I think it would be worth it to reach out a make a real life single mom friend in your community. Do you know anyone from school, church, work, etc?
Also, play dates. Making the kids go outside if you have a safe space for it. Declaring Mommy Quiet Time! Taking people up on those babysitting offers. And I have NEVER felt guilty about using the TV as a resource within reason. There are only so many minutes in the day, and some of them should be reserved for Mom!
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 427
Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
I am a member on this forum, not super active on it though. It's not as "busy" as this forum, but was the best I could find.
I feel your frustration/exasperation with single parenting! I can't even take a decent lunch hour at work because I am probably grabbing a few groceries, or shoes for the kids, or paying bills.
eck.
I am a member on this forum, not super active on it though. It's not as "busy" as this forum, but was the best I could find.
I feel your frustration/exasperation with single parenting! I can't even take a decent lunch hour at work because I am probably grabbing a few groceries, or shoes for the kids, or paying bills.
eck.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Welcome to my life! Single Mom, 12 years now. Even when I married my current husband (the RAH) I still lived as a single parent.
Many a day went by with me lying in bed, exhausted, saying I really don't want to be a parent anymore! ; )
Lunch? Like MBW above, mine are spent either working to leave early to pick someone up, or running errands, etc.
Now, in two weeks (TWO WEEKS Good God!) my 18 yr old is graduating. My youngest is already 15 and driving (with a permit). I sent them both to the grocery store last night with my debit card and a list...oh sweet relief! It's not all on my shoulders anymore!
But a part of me is sad now. For over a decade I have been the frantic single Mom. And now that part of the Mother job is coming to an end. Its truly bittersweet, much to my chagrin!
Find your strength here at SR...there is no reason we can't have single parents threads. Don't hesitate to use your resources around you, either. At first I had a hard time using help from others. The more I did, the more I became reliant on my support networks. I simply couldn't do it all myself all the time. And that's ok.
It's exhausting, raising kids. Doing it alone is double the work, but double the rewards. I am one proud Mom right now. Proud of me too.
Hang in there!
Many a day went by with me lying in bed, exhausted, saying I really don't want to be a parent anymore! ; )
Lunch? Like MBW above, mine are spent either working to leave early to pick someone up, or running errands, etc.
Now, in two weeks (TWO WEEKS Good God!) my 18 yr old is graduating. My youngest is already 15 and driving (with a permit). I sent them both to the grocery store last night with my debit card and a list...oh sweet relief! It's not all on my shoulders anymore!
But a part of me is sad now. For over a decade I have been the frantic single Mom. And now that part of the Mother job is coming to an end. Its truly bittersweet, much to my chagrin!
Find your strength here at SR...there is no reason we can't have single parents threads. Don't hesitate to use your resources around you, either. At first I had a hard time using help from others. The more I did, the more I became reliant on my support networks. I simply couldn't do it all myself all the time. And that's ok.
It's exhausting, raising kids. Doing it alone is double the work, but double the rewards. I am one proud Mom right now. Proud of me too.
Hang in there!
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
Originally Posted by JenT1968 
there is no doubt it's tough, the things I find toughest are a) having all the responsibility for decisions, no-one to run it through with, get a sense of proportion with, and b) the lack of time to work out my own thoughts, it is relentless.
somedays, the only thing I can be proud of at the end of the day is that I have the same number of children at the end as I had at the beginning and I wasn't fired: they may hate me for making them go to bed, they may not have eaten enough vegetables, they may have watched too much TV, the house may be a mess, I may have shouted, and not played enough, there may have been no bedtime stories, I may have been late for work, but nobody died.
.
somedays, the only thing I can be proud of at the end of the day is that I have the same number of children at the end as I had at the beginning and I wasn't fired: they may hate me for making them go to bed, they may not have eaten enough vegetables, they may have watched too much TV, the house may be a mess, I may have shouted, and not played enough, there may have been no bedtime stories, I may have been late for work, but nobody died.
.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by Florence
Is there an end date for this stuff?
Making the kids go outside if you have a safe space for it.
Originally Posted by MyBetterWorld
Single Parents Forum: Single Family Voices
I am a member on this forum, not super active on it though. It's not as "busy" as this forum, but was the best I could find.
I am a member on this forum, not super active on it though. It's not as "busy" as this forum, but was the best I could find.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: somewhere better
Posts: 49
i am a single mum of one, think the idea of a thread/section is here is a great one.
Thumper you are amazing, i read alot of threads with your posts in, you gove sound advice and time to people here. your children are blessed with you as a mum.
hope you manage to balance it all out and it gets betterand you get some me time. do you have family/friend support.
i know i would rather be where i am now than go back. wierd observation i had the other day, me and DD have had our first halloween, xmas, easter, mothers day etc all no alcohol involved and what i do for her is more on me now or all on me really but no more work for the big occasions as he never made a difference anyway. she asked last week if she could go to the pub, shows what she saw that i never realised!
Thumper you are amazing, i read alot of threads with your posts in, you gove sound advice and time to people here. your children are blessed with you as a mum.
hope you manage to balance it all out and it gets betterand you get some me time. do you have family/friend support.
i know i would rather be where i am now than go back. wierd observation i had the other day, me and DD have had our first halloween, xmas, easter, mothers day etc all no alcohol involved and what i do for her is more on me now or all on me really but no more work for the big occasions as he never made a difference anyway. she asked last week if she could go to the pub, shows what she saw that i never realised!
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 16
"somedays, the only thing I can be proud of at the end of the day is that I have the same number of children at the end as I had at the beginning and I wasn't fired: they may hate me for making them go to bed, they may not have eaten enough vegetables, they may have watched too much TV, the house may be a mess, I may have shouted, and not played enough, there may have been no bedtime stories, I may have been late for work, but nobody died. "
I can so relate to this. I asked/told my AH to leave in February and since then, in among the emotional turmoil (understatement), there has been the sense of being hit by a steam train that is single parenting. I am exhausted. I keep telling myself, and others, that i'm just taking it one day at a time. If I stop to think about this stretching on for months and years to come, I feel totally overwhelmed by it. How on earth can I do it? My two sons are wonderful and I am, for the first time, enjoying time with them that is not compromised by the horrendous anticipation of what the next flare up from AH will be etc. So things are better in some ways. But I'm so, so tired every morning and friends at work who know what's going on are saying (in a concerned way) "you look dreadful" - and this is when I think I'm having a good day!
I have no family nearby. I have learned to ask for help from friends and I have been overwhelmed by how helpful they have been, which is positive, but also I know that they don't really understand what it's like as they are all married and haven't experienced the alcoholism thing in their lives. But actually, in some ways it doesn't matter if they don't understand - the fact is that they are there for me and so I should accept that for what it is and enjoy the friendships that I am actually now more free to engage in (AH was very controlling and I became quite isolated as it wasn't worth the grief I would get every time I went out with friends etc).
Oh, and I can now eat what I choose without getting grief for it (who would have thought that fishcakes could be such an abomination to man?!?!?) and I am making little discoveries, for example that I am quite good at screwing back on loose toilet seat hinges that have become loose after enduring the ravages of two little boys. So that's good then.
Hang on in there Thumper and all the other single mums out there. We can do it!
I can so relate to this. I asked/told my AH to leave in February and since then, in among the emotional turmoil (understatement), there has been the sense of being hit by a steam train that is single parenting. I am exhausted. I keep telling myself, and others, that i'm just taking it one day at a time. If I stop to think about this stretching on for months and years to come, I feel totally overwhelmed by it. How on earth can I do it? My two sons are wonderful and I am, for the first time, enjoying time with them that is not compromised by the horrendous anticipation of what the next flare up from AH will be etc. So things are better in some ways. But I'm so, so tired every morning and friends at work who know what's going on are saying (in a concerned way) "you look dreadful" - and this is when I think I'm having a good day!
I have no family nearby. I have learned to ask for help from friends and I have been overwhelmed by how helpful they have been, which is positive, but also I know that they don't really understand what it's like as they are all married and haven't experienced the alcoholism thing in their lives. But actually, in some ways it doesn't matter if they don't understand - the fact is that they are there for me and so I should accept that for what it is and enjoy the friendships that I am actually now more free to engage in (AH was very controlling and I became quite isolated as it wasn't worth the grief I would get every time I went out with friends etc).
Oh, and I can now eat what I choose without getting grief for it (who would have thought that fishcakes could be such an abomination to man?!?!?) and I am making little discoveries, for example that I am quite good at screwing back on loose toilet seat hinges that have become loose after enduring the ravages of two little boys. So that's good then.
Hang on in there Thumper and all the other single mums out there. We can do it!
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Join Date: Feb 2012
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I totally feel your pain. I am worried about doing everything alone myself, now.
The funny thing is, I have a 5 year old, and I have been raising him alone for 5 years. Just because I also have a 5 month old now, doesn't mean anything. I have been doing it alone, so I can continue doing it alone, and I will be okay.
At least, that is what I tell myself. And really, it's not like anyone is helping me when they are here anyway. That's what I said the other day. What is the point of you coming over to see the kids when you are drunk and pass out? Then I have THREE kids to watch.
Really, even though it is stressful for me, in the end, I know my kids are better off. I might be broke and stressed to the max, but at least my kids have structure in their lives.
The funny thing is, I have a 5 year old, and I have been raising him alone for 5 years. Just because I also have a 5 month old now, doesn't mean anything. I have been doing it alone, so I can continue doing it alone, and I will be okay.
At least, that is what I tell myself. And really, it's not like anyone is helping me when they are here anyway. That's what I said the other day. What is the point of you coming over to see the kids when you are drunk and pass out? Then I have THREE kids to watch.
Really, even though it is stressful for me, in the end, I know my kids are better off. I might be broke and stressed to the max, but at least my kids have structure in their lives.
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