TCB5568

I had a nightmare last night that my 2 yr. Old was crying and I ran into the bedroom to see what happened and she had a huge bruise on the side of her face and her eye was disfigured and way messed up. It makes me sick just remembering this now. In my dream I jumped on AH's back screaming what did you do?? And then had to hold my poor sad baby....This is my mind telling me because I worry all the time that this could be reality and I need to protect my kids from drunken behavior from their Dad who can knock someones eye out with a stick or a doorknob. He has no idea what hes doing most of the time.The other night I took all 3 kids with me to walmart and left AH DRunk at home all I could hear was Anvilhead over and over do not leave kids with him ever... I guess this is the way it will b from now on. But I cant even trust him around us anymore at all if hes drinking. Soon we will all be locked up in our bedroom if I dont get us out..It will be the only way if things keep going like this....

changeschoices

It's been a week and a half since I kicked out AXBF and I've been having some bad dreams about him, too. The worst was the night I fell asleep praying and asking God to give me some guidance about the ex in a dream. That night, I dreamt that the ex came up behind me while I was doing housework and was killing me by strangling me. In the dream, my children's lives without me flashed before my eyes, and I cried out to the ex "Please, just kill me quickly so I don't suffer anymore!"

If God was trying to tell me something, I am paying attention now. I have suffered too long with his drinking and it was destroying me. No more.

TCB5568

Wow God is amzing!

chicory

TCB,

That could happen , you know. with someone drunk, and who likes to be physically abusive, it could happen. Then what about that child? How will that child deal with life, being disfigured, or worse.
Have you spoken to domestic violence hotline people? next time he is like that, if you have to stay for a next time, please call them, and see what they have to say.

you are strong enough to take care of those children , in a home where they have peace, and laughter, and safety. how wonderful that would be. this man is destroying your life, and your babies lives. they are only young for a little while. if they live like this, they will grow up resentful that you stayed and took this abuse. and they will live what they learn.

i wonder when you are going to break free, sweetie, from your self-imposed prison? you have the key. and there are many waiting to help you, you just have to start talking to them. even if things are not bad at this moment, you could talk to them, and they will help you to find your power. you have a right to a life, and you have the responsibility to get your children out of harms way. take a step, in the right direction. one tiny step, before it is too late.

hugs
chicory

TCB5568

Not in my dreams could I have ever imagined I would be in this position right now...AH was making our 8 yr. Old boy feel bad tonight because he didn't want to help unload the wood from the trailer and then wanted to help and father refused his help. Soon after I told him I wanted to take the kids to see my moms for a fww hours. I didn't want to sit here and listen to his drunken talk all night. Our 2 yr. Old dumped AH beer outside and our 8 yr. Old says good job. Dad is drunk enough..oh boy my jaw dropped and AH heard the whole thing. AH was half drunk by the time we left and Im glad we got away from it for one night at least...

chicory

This man is like a disease, infecting all of you. Your sons feelings of self-esteem must be in the dirt already, at such a young age of 8.

I am glad that you got away from the madness for a while. Would you like to be on your own, and have a peaceful home, and children who can relax and be children?

Do you have any sort of plan, for when he does more abuse to you or the children? Have you thought that perhaps if you leave him, he might decide to get help, and someday might be a sober father? I am not sure tho, if his penchant for abusing the kids will go away just because he gets sober. Usually that is a deep seated sickness.

Is your ah a good provider? would he be able to pay child support if you were not together? Have you thought about getting some sort of training, if you are ever able to get away from the ah?

i had an alcoholic father, who made our lives miserable. my mom divorced him when i was 12, and she asked us if we felt ok with that. we all said yes. yes. the peace was wonderful, tho she went on to abandon us,emotionally, and became an alcoholic herself. i cant imagine what it would have been like to have at least one loving responsible parent, to make me feel valuable.

just love those babies, and let them know that they are so special, no matter what their father, who has a sickness of alcoholism , does or says. that no one should ever hurt them, or make them feel afraid. maybe you can help the kids by talking to them about their situation. i would imagine they feel so confused.

keep posting, and try to see that there is hope for a better life for you and the children.

hugs
chicory

Tuffgirl

That's how I began my journey to moving out...one night at a time. Got to a point where it just seemed reasonable to not come back. That was January 2011, and I still live separately from my RAH. He has stopped drinking and is really working his AA program; we get along great now for the most part. But living together again...I am uncertain...more to be revealed.

Sometimes it takes those baby steps to see us out the door for good. Keep it up! Protect yourself and the children.

confused333

Please, please be careful. Often as mothers, we see the actual possibilities that our brains don't want to think about. Please take the needed steps.

TCB5568

My son's self esteem is in the dirt and it kills me. He's only 8 and says that he hates his life and his life sucks. He says we're crazy and calls everyone idiots. Now he is actually an exceptionally smart and kindhearted soul who excels in school. I know he gets very very annoyed with his alcoholic father becsuse hes become very vocal about jeeezzz why cant you just leave me alone and stop bothering me?? Not sure if this is normal 8 yr old boy behavior or if its more serious. He hates showering and argues loud and yells at us constsntly. Its very stressful. He's mad all the time anymore and becoming more and more angry. And he told me that dad has an anger problem ...The 2 older kids 6&8 know dad drinks and gets drunk.

catlovermi

An 8 year old should have bright sparkly eyes, full of wonder and discovery. Eight year old boys should be often boisterous, adventurous, trying out their first attempt at humor, seeking fun. They should alternate between being "an energetic handful" and being a funny, loving dear little person, plopping into bed tired at night from a day's adventures but with a smile from the action. These are the magical years of childhood when learning is a way of life and life paradigms are set.

This does not sound like the childhood you are providing for your son. What sort of childhood do you want your children to have? What sort of persons do you wish they become? Your choices now are determining a large part of their destiny.

In five years, on the current trajectory, you will have much more on your hands...

Sending support - but the action to change is up to you!

CLMI

War

You poor thing my heart breaks thinking about the nightmare you & your children are going through. That's no way to live! I know how hard it will be leaving him but you have to do it...you just have ti please for your children. I made a lot of bad choices in life I grew up with an alcoholic mother. It was hell on earth!

TCB5568

A few nights ago after AH went to bed I let the kids stay up later to watch tv because it was the weekend and my son said that this was the best night ever because he could sleep on couch and watch all the episodes of pound puppies he wants. AH keeps making fun of the show but I knew they would like it and they love it! I wonder if the best night had something to do withAH pretty much gone in closed room just me and my kids with no drunk mouth. That is the peAce I want for them everyday and night. I know I am a great Mom and will never abandon my kids like some stories I hear after a wife leaves her AH. My kids are the loves of my life and I don't want them to be unhappy...

Windmills

I don't think there's any 'wonder' about it. They had a great evening because they didn't have to suffer at the mouth of their alcoholic father.
You could have that peace every single day if you so decided. What's keeping you?

TCB5568

So many things keep me here such as a strong desire to have a sucessful marriage...ive been trying so long and trying to be a good mom to 3 kids and taking care of my baby nephew for a time since his Mom passed away. Wondered why why but now I feel it is his drinking but dont want to blame it all on him...just so confused!!
I would get depressed and think I am a bitchy miserable ungrateful person who cant make her kids behave. It just came to the point now when i have asked God for a divine intervention a sort of clarity as to why our lives are so miserable

Windmills

From what I've read, it's your husbands abusive behaviour and alcoholism which causes the unhappiness of yourself and your children. If I was in your shoes I feel there may have been plenty of moments of clarity- many of which you have posted about.
I personally found I had to let go of the fantasy of a successful relationship and a 'happy family'. I had to accept who he really is. While I was holding onto the fantasy and denying the reality of the situation, I was HARMING my daughter. She was 17 months old when I left but by then she had been exposed to complete insanity. I put her here, it's my job to keep her safe.
A friend of mine left her abusive partner when her daughter was 3- her daughter remembers incidents that happened before that, she's 25 now and sometimes mentions them.

LaTeeDa

I had that desire, too. But desiring it doesn't make it so. You DO NOT have a successful marriage. Period. And there is NOTHING you can do at this point to change that. Wishful thinking caused me and my children much suffering. It was only when I accepted reality that I became unstuck.

This is your one and only life. Is this how you want to spend it? This is your children's one and only childhood. Is this what you want for them? I left my AH when my children were 13 and 9. The ONLY regret I have about leaving is that I did not do it sooner. They suffered so much because of my lack of action, and I will always have to live with that. There are no do-overs when it comes to raising children. They will be grown before you know it. Do you want to send them out in the world thinking this is what a "successful marriage" looks like?

L

catlovermi

Have you heard the story that goes something like this:

A man was out on the ocean in his little sailboat. A storm came and broke the boat up, the man was left adrift clinging to a piece of the wreckage. He cried out to God, "Save me!"

A cruise ship passed by, the captain yelled out if the man needed help, the man replied, "God is going to come and save me, I know it!"

A patrol boat passed by, the officer yelled out if the man needed help, the man replied, "God is going to come and save me, I know it!"

A small fishing boat passed by, the first mate yelled out if the man needed help, the man replied, "God is going to come and save me, I know it!"

By that night, the man was exhausted, and slipped off the wreckage, sinking down into the water to drown. As he lost consciousness, he asked God why he never came.

God replied, "I sent a you cruise ship, a patrol boat, and a fishing boat... but you would not be saved!"

************

You have come to Sober Recovery and asked for Experience, Strength, and Hope from people who have been where you are and have made it through to go on to happy, healthy lives. You have asked what to do, how to cope.

And the cruise ship, patrol boat, and fishing boat HAVE come... in the form of examples from our community...

TCB5568

Thanks for reminding me of that story...I always liked that one. Seems that God has shown me the way...I am still trying to face the reality of it. My best friends husband said I could always stay if I needed and so have others..

gerryP

I'm sure there are any number of possibilities where you could stay if you would open your mind up to the opportunity. You are choosing to stay, lets face it. I too agree that you have been given many moments of clarity already. If you are waiting for divine intervention or whatever you want to call it, you have had it and you ignored it. It's up to you now and only you. Stop with the excuses.

War

Yes go stay with your best friend!!! Leave him and don't ever go back!!! You and your children deserve happiness and will NEVER get it with your husband!!!