Back... again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Back... again
Those of you who know me, hello again. Those of you who don't, hope to chat with you on SR soon.
I feel so stupid coming back again, because as some of you know, I've already tried twice to quit drinking. The first time I lasted eight months, the second only a few days.
I'm scared to even declare this another attempt yet because I don't know if I will be able to stick with it.
I'm so confused. No one around me seems to think I have a problem. My husband sees that I'm undeniably drinking too much at times, but on the whole, he thinks I'm fine. He says I just need to find the "circuit breaker" in my head that will tell me to shut it down after I've had a few. He doesn't seem to understand that I DON'T HAVE THAT CIRCUIT BREAKER!! I was born without it. As were many people in my family, which is why my grandmother, aunt and 2 uncles are all alcoholics with several of my cousins on the way there.
I know that you guys understand what I am talking about. I don't have an "off switch" when it comes to alcohol, there's no red light, only a green one.
But my husband doesn't get it. He has 0-1 drinks most nights of the week. A "light" night for me is 3, and it's hard to stop at 3. Most nights it's more like 5 or 6. On weekends it's 8 or 10. It's basically never 0. I can't remember the last day I didn't have a drink at all. It was probably whenever the last time I was here was, which I think was a few months back.
I have been doing some really stupid things lately after getting hammered on the weekends. I made a complete ass of myself at a friend's house two Saturday nights ago, being obnoxious, falling down. The next morning, I woke up crying because I was so ashamed. My husband saw the whole thing, including the aftermath the next day, and he still thinks I don't have an issue. He thinks these incidents I have sometimes are just isolated, but I know they're not. They're part of a pattern.
The eight months I spent sober were so fantastic but the idea of quitting again is so daunting. Navigating my life without alcohol seems impossible.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, I know no one can help me other than me, but I thought it might help to tell some people who would understand.
I feel so stupid coming back again, because as some of you know, I've already tried twice to quit drinking. The first time I lasted eight months, the second only a few days.
I'm scared to even declare this another attempt yet because I don't know if I will be able to stick with it.
I'm so confused. No one around me seems to think I have a problem. My husband sees that I'm undeniably drinking too much at times, but on the whole, he thinks I'm fine. He says I just need to find the "circuit breaker" in my head that will tell me to shut it down after I've had a few. He doesn't seem to understand that I DON'T HAVE THAT CIRCUIT BREAKER!! I was born without it. As were many people in my family, which is why my grandmother, aunt and 2 uncles are all alcoholics with several of my cousins on the way there.
I know that you guys understand what I am talking about. I don't have an "off switch" when it comes to alcohol, there's no red light, only a green one.
But my husband doesn't get it. He has 0-1 drinks most nights of the week. A "light" night for me is 3, and it's hard to stop at 3. Most nights it's more like 5 or 6. On weekends it's 8 or 10. It's basically never 0. I can't remember the last day I didn't have a drink at all. It was probably whenever the last time I was here was, which I think was a few months back.
I have been doing some really stupid things lately after getting hammered on the weekends. I made a complete ass of myself at a friend's house two Saturday nights ago, being obnoxious, falling down. The next morning, I woke up crying because I was so ashamed. My husband saw the whole thing, including the aftermath the next day, and he still thinks I don't have an issue. He thinks these incidents I have sometimes are just isolated, but I know they're not. They're part of a pattern.
The eight months I spent sober were so fantastic but the idea of quitting again is so daunting. Navigating my life without alcohol seems impossible.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish with this post, I know no one can help me other than me, but I thought it might help to tell some people who would understand.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Welcome back. I shouldn't think there's anyone on this forum who doesn't understand what you are going through. We've all been there.
I don't know what you used last time to help you stay sober, but maybe you need to look again and try to follow a plan?
I've been sober just a few weeks but would definitely not got this far without AA and this site. They are both completely invaluable to me.
The very best of luck to you x
I don't know what you used last time to help you stay sober, but maybe you need to look again and try to follow a plan?
I've been sober just a few weeks but would definitely not got this far without AA and this site. They are both completely invaluable to me.
The very best of luck to you x
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Welcome back!
I wouldn't be too concerned that your husband doesn't think you have a problem. This addiction is yours and yours to deal with. Others don't usually understand it. It sounds like you know that you need to change your life and that's what matters.
And, yes, I couldn't imagine getting through a single evening without alcohol either. But, I did it, and I promise you that you can do it too. It's not easy, but it will be worth the effort.
I wouldn't be too concerned that your husband doesn't think you have a problem. This addiction is yours and yours to deal with. Others don't usually understand it. It sounds like you know that you need to change your life and that's what matters.
And, yes, I couldn't imagine getting through a single evening without alcohol either. But, I did it, and I promise you that you can do it too. It's not easy, but it will be worth the effort.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: wales
Posts: 27
It was like I wrote your post myself,
My husband is exactly the same he knows I can be nasty and angry with drink at times and I do really stupid things, we had no end of dreadful rows and I say the most awful things to him and at times infornt of others, but he don't see it being reason enough for me wanting to quit altogether. I think he finds it uncomfortable when I try to talk to him about it and he tells me I just need to know when to stop Duh I don't!!
Everyone here are so helpful and really have helped get me through the last few days.
Stay stong and keep posting
My husband is exactly the same he knows I can be nasty and angry with drink at times and I do really stupid things, we had no end of dreadful rows and I say the most awful things to him and at times infornt of others, but he don't see it being reason enough for me wanting to quit altogether. I think he finds it uncomfortable when I try to talk to him about it and he tells me I just need to know when to stop Duh I don't!!
Everyone here are so helpful and really have helped get me through the last few days.
Stay stong and keep posting
Crazy Cat Lady
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 2,661
Welcome back. Try not to worry about what he thinks. You can't change how people view your drinking. You can only change how you handle your relationship with alcohol. Try to stop viewing your relationship with alcohol through his eyes and work your program on your own terms.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 129
DisplacedGRITS is right. As long as YOU think that alcohol is causing you problems, that is all that matters. I don't like what alcohol does to me and have had problems from my drinking. No DUI's, no jobs lost, illness or anything of that nature, but does it really have to get to that point? The negative effects are not always so obvious to everyone, even those close to you. Do what you feel you need to do to in order to get better. Good Luck!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
hi soberbythesea... I think it's about you and what you need (as others say).
I didn't drink that much (relatively speaking.. .as I'm still a problem drinker). I only have one friend who said "why don't you stop?". Initially, even she didn't seem to get that maybe I'd need a support network (AA, other meetings, online help, whatever you require).
My ex, when I first tried to stop didn't get it either (despite saying before that I should stop). People don't always know how to handle it... not sure why... maybe those who love you go into denial, can't handle the change. I also think there can be this image of someone with a drink problem having to drink each morning, crashing cars. And while this does happen, I know that it doesn't apply to me but that I still need to stay stopped to not feel ill anymore (and turn my life around).
Good luck, and do what you need to do.
I also found that when I've told certain people they then tell me about the time they got smashed and left the pan burning etc etc... there are a lot of people with "hidden" problems.
I didn't drink that much (relatively speaking.. .as I'm still a problem drinker). I only have one friend who said "why don't you stop?". Initially, even she didn't seem to get that maybe I'd need a support network (AA, other meetings, online help, whatever you require).
My ex, when I first tried to stop didn't get it either (despite saying before that I should stop). People don't always know how to handle it... not sure why... maybe those who love you go into denial, can't handle the change. I also think there can be this image of someone with a drink problem having to drink each morning, crashing cars. And while this does happen, I know that it doesn't apply to me but that I still need to stay stopped to not feel ill anymore (and turn my life around).
Good luck, and do what you need to do.
I also found that when I've told certain people they then tell me about the time they got smashed and left the pan burning etc etc... there are a lot of people with "hidden" problems.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Thanks guys. I need to think about a lot of what's been said so far.
For now, I'm not going to drink tonight. It will be hard because we have some friends coming over to watch the game who are big drinkers, but I've made up my mind.
For now, I'm not going to drink tonight. It will be hard because we have some friends coming over to watch the game who are big drinkers, but I've made up my mind.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
soberbythesea - It's so good you came back. Never feel stupid for reaching out and trying again. In your heart you know what it's doing to you - and where it will lead. I hope you'll keep talking to us - we all understand and want to help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: London
Posts: 1,384
Sounds like you really want to be free from alcohell , you said you had 8 fantastic months. I think you should do it, you know you can and I wish you all the best ,there is so much support and help here. I spent years trying to contain a problem, deluding myself that I was some kind of fella who just liked a drink, yeh right lol. It's liberating to be free from the dark agony of alcohell and it's problems, life without it is beautifully simple.
I'm glad you're trying again. It took me many tries to finally 'get it' but I did and now am over two years sober.Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
welcome back SBTS
Yeah it would be easier if our loved ones and friends got it...but that's simply not the case for some of us...and that's ok.
It's our problem - and it's what we know about it and what we do about it that counts.
As long as you know you have a problem - and as long as you're ok with admitting that, and with making the changes in our life you need to - I don't see there's any reason why you can't make the leap into lasting sobriety
You're not alone - you'll always find a lot of support here
D
Yeah it would be easier if our loved ones and friends got it...but that's simply not the case for some of us...and that's ok.
It's our problem - and it's what we know about it and what we do about it that counts.
As long as you know you have a problem - and as long as you're ok with admitting that, and with making the changes in our life you need to - I don't see there's any reason why you can't make the leap into lasting sobriety
You're not alone - you'll always find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Thanks everyone. I literally snuck up here to my office to post in the middle of this little gathering we're having at our house tonight. I just wanted everyone to know that I'm drinking soda and having a really nice time. I feel perfectly happy and relaxed not drinking right now.
The guests who are really big drinkers haven't arrived yet, but now, I'm in the groove of not drinking alcohol, and I feel like I'll be able to deal with them drinking without a problem. If I do feel tempted later in the night, I'll probably just head upstairs to bed -- it's my husband's friends who are coming over to watch UFC, and I don't always hang around when they do that.
The guests who are really big drinkers haven't arrived yet, but now, I'm in the groove of not drinking alcohol, and I feel like I'll be able to deal with them drinking without a problem. If I do feel tempted later in the night, I'll probably just head upstairs to bed -- it's my husband's friends who are coming over to watch UFC, and I don't always hang around when they do that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 1,525
Update... evening a success... so Day 1 is officially under my belt. As it turned out, the heavy drinkers never showed up at all so it ended up being just me, my husband, and one of his best buddies from high school, who is a very moderate drinker and was driving anyway. Super relaxed atmosphere and it didn't feel weird at all not to be drinking in that situation. I did have a couple sodas and way too many chips but hey... at least those aren't going to make me do stupid stuff, impair my memory, or kill my liver right?
See you tomorrow SR!
See you tomorrow SR!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SoCal
Posts: 4,491
Hey SBTS - I am glad you came back. I remember you and have been wondering how and where you were. You did do well the eight months you were sober. You were sounding so strong and positive. And you made it through the first night tonight.
(( HUGS ))
(( HUGS ))
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're back! Congrats on getting through the evening - just stay in the here and now and take things as they come..... little by little, one day at a time. Before you know it, you'll feel clearer and stronger. We're here for you!
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