SUNFLOWERGIRL29

Hi everyone!I am a newcomer yet an oldcomer! I went through the program years ago with my 1st husband, and guess what? I am back again after a second marriage and nothing has gotten any better!! Why? Because I also need help- not just the addict/alcoholic but me- the one who is reliable, honest devoted and caring!!! I am so sick of being so tired and sick that I feel like I have hit a bottom. For so long, I have resented my spouse for his choice to be an active user that I have so much anger built up in me. So now- its becoming to come out in ways I don't enjoy at all. I hold it in, I keep my mouth shut, trying to live by a program that I haven't been a part of for so long. I try to accept him for who he is, yet I have no respect, no trust, only anger, frustration and especially hurt. I intend to start going back to meetings, but as it is storming and our highway is closed, a meeting is out of the question. So.... could someone give me some insight re: how to let go of the hurt and anger. I realize now that I NEED to do this, not to make my relationship work, but to get my life back on track. :

Inspiration

I understand where you are comming from. I am going through the same thing. Especially today. I am mad, tired, fraustrated, angry and tired over the same routine every week. I keep thinking things are going to get better and they don't. I being doing this for the past 17 years. I am told many times by my friends that It is in my hands to take control and make a decision. Because, He is never going to change. He has taking me for granted. he has used me. Because he knows I will always forgive him. he knows he has me secured. But today more than ever I am making a diferrence in my life. I am putting the cards on the table. But don't give up you came back to the right place. Even though you can go to your meeting. You can have your meetings here with us. Thank god for the many kinds of support we have these days. There is always a way.

Inspiration

Oh! I forgot to mention. Look for God! It's like many friends tell me. Ask God for what you want and he will give it to you.

I also wanted to recomend you an excellent book. It's called "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by John Gray. Ph.D. This book helped me understand men better. When I read this book my husband and I got closer. But of course his alcoholism makes me reject him.

JT

Sunflower,

I took a break from the program myself for a time and found myself much like you. Relapse? Who knows. What I did know is that I was miserable and wanted to be happy and at peace.

This is where I came and I found more than I ever dreamed. You see I had the basics...6 years and many meetings. You cannot work a program alone, at least I can't.

It sounds like you know that and I am so glad you found us.

Don't be a stranger!
Hugs,
JT

boop64132

Sunflower,
Welcome aboard!!!!
There is much support and understanding here at SR.

Glad you are here.

Gabe

When I get mad and frustrated, I have to sit down and sort it into two piles. One pile is WHAT I CAN'T CONTROL and the other pile is WHAT I HAVE CONTROL OVER. From there, I have to give what I can't control to God and work on the pile of things that I can control.
Welcome to the forum, you have found a good place.
Peace,
Gabe

SUNFLOWERGIRL29

thank-you so much for your support, guys! It helps to know there is hope and that I can do this, that there is a whole big group of people that know my pain and can show me the way to that peace I long to find in my life. I know I need to just give this to my Higher Power and just trust that if I give my will up that I will be ok. It is just that I feel like I am on a roller coaster ride- I ended it (break/permanent I don't know, ball is in his court now) because I can't stand the way I feel about living with him as a miserable drunk. Between the drinking and b.s. that goes along with it and the gambling that has financially put a huge strain on me, I realize that I don't have much choice. My mother in law is in the program too (her husband/his father has a drinking prob. as does his brother) and she tells me that it can work if I go to meetings and he continues doing what he is doing, but the way I see it, I NEED to be in a positive environment, I need to focus on myself and my kids. So... he knows how I feel, and regardless of what he does, I am here for myself and b/c my children depend on me to give them the best I can!!
P.S.: Thanks for reminding me that this is where I belong!