deepnblue

Right now I am in this place where I am existing, doing well and I have moments where things are ok but the majority of time I am floating around with total apathy. Does this go away? Is it normal to experience something like this during recovery?

My DOC was crack and I was a user for 10 yrs, I have been sober 139 days.

Anyone with a similar experience during their recovery? It's not that life is horrible, its neither good nor bad...I am terrified that I will feel like this forever.

TigerLili

It probably will take a long time for your body and brain to feel better. Are you eating well, getting enough sleep etc? Getting any exercise? I think that when we use substances to create moods or blank moods out, our brains forget what to do and that takes a while to heal. I think exercise really helps to lift my mood and get some endorphins happening, which makes me feel better all round.

Dee74

Hi deepnblue

I felt like that for quite a while to be honest...I don't know whether it was depression or fear or what but it gradually shifted

If you're concerned tho I think you could do worse than consult with your Dr and put your mind at ease

D

deepnblue

Thanks for the reply Tiger, sleep & eating have been an issue for me. I am working nights right now but my neighbors have been a little noisy, sometimes keeping me awake or waking me up at odd hours. Insomnia has been a bit of a problem too.

As for eating right, my appetite has been off and on too. All things to consider and at least I can change them.

TigerLili

I think sleep is a huge one. Your body can't heal without adequate, quality sleep. I definitely agree with Dee - go see your dr.

deepnblue

Thanks Dee, to be honest just knowing that someone else has experience this is a big relief.

I suppose in some ways I thought recovery would be a bigger thing for me, that it would have more meaning, its the mundane that is a challenge for me.

Dee74

I found meaning again Deep, but I think I had some healing to do first you know?

I'd dug myself a pretty deep hole with my drinking, both mentally and physically - it took me a while to climb out into the sun again....but I made it.

My life's never been better now - stick with it

D

deepnblue

Oh yeah, I think healing is a big thing. There is a part of me that yearns to be the person that I was before I started using even though I know that I have changed so much. Not only have I grown but trying to sort out the person I am now and from who I was when I was using is challenging.

I don't have many people left in my life (due to my addiction), coming out of this to me is like coming out of a long coma and finding out everyone you knew has moved on.

I know that its process, the climbing out of the hole. I have complete faith that the future will be fine, its the now that I'm having trouble with

Sapling

Why not check out an NA meeting?...Be around some people doing what you are doing....Make some friends. Recovery can be whatever you want it to be.

deepnblue

True, I have to be honest, I travel frequently and am away from home for long periods of time. Without going into too much detail my work is "in the field", often in remote locations and that makes attending meetings almost impossible, or at least it feels like it does. Maybe I am just looking at it the wrong way

Sapling

More often than not...I hear the reason that people can't attend meetings is because the town they are in is too small.

deepnblue

That's understandable.

BTW, thanks everyone for the replies and thoughts.

Dee74

LOL yep...patience was amongst the first of the qualities I needed to cultivate...

For 20 years, I was used to controlling my environment and instant gratification - it took me a while to just let things happen

D

deepnblue

Total epiphany there with the instant gratification,

How on earth did I miss that!!!

Hollyanne

Well, whether you realize it or not, you have already achieved something remarkable!
Incredible. I have experience with working nights and I have to say, NOT NATURAL!
But, we are vulnerable and sensitive early on and being away from the hustle and bustle of daytime can be peaceful.
Try to fit in meetings.
Do be careful though.
There are people in recovery who are doing it all wrong!
LOL, just my two cents. Stay sober and stay safe and surround yourself with good people.
It is a long and winding road. There is a whole phase of adjusting your brain to not being drugged. Our minds take a while to adjust. It does get better. Dee is right about the instant gratification thing and also, we did not create the problem overnight. We are born a certain way too. Family, life, addiction, all take their toll.
We do recover.
Such wonderful possibilities await you!

Best of luck.
Anne

LoftyIdeals

Congrats on your sober time, deepnblue. I agree with the comments above that time is the answer. I'm 8 months in and my better days; being engaged, happy, etc., seem to really have started in the last month. I still spend plenty of time in apathy, or as I call it, numb, but I can feel healing a little more each day.

Stick with it, and thanks for your post. It reminded me to gauge myself in these categories.

Anna

What changes have you made in your life since stopping drinking?

This is the time when you need to take action and move forward with your life. For example, take a course, volunteer, start an exercise program, anything that interests you could be added to your life.

Gavinandnikki

Hi Deep,
I feel like I'm justing crawling out of the chronic apathy, mixed with boredom and dread. Thinking is this sobriety???? I know exercise is helping some , got to love the natural high, but I think the real thing is time. Time to grieve the loss of my old lifestyle. Grieve the loss of my drugs and smokes-quit smoking at the same time. I'm actually having days when I gave no apathy- just a healthy zest for life that I haven't felt in years!
Have patience with yourself, it will come.
Take care,
PJ

deepnblue

Thank you everyone!