brickthrowing

I did it again.

Why did I not take the time to sign in and check myself on this forum? I know if I had I would have been able to stop and say...NO.

I went out with friends and family last night. There was beer in the fridge that belonged to my roomie and I went for it. Its been there for days and until then I ignored it just like it was a tub of sour cream.

But, just like that I had it.... and then it was in me. And then the drink starts talking and the Beast voice gets REALLY LOUD.

I am agonizing today. Feeling like a pile of crap again.

Embarrassed and angry.

B

Dee74

I think most of us have been there B - changing our lives is not easy.

Think about what it is you need to add to what you've been doing - stay committed - never pick up that first drink - and you'll get there

D

brickthrowing

Thank you D,

Its good to know I am not alone. I am sure many, many people have done the very same thing I have done.

Why does it feel so damn bad though and why is it so hard to have the forethought to know that.

That question is rhetorical, I am just putting my head in my hands today.

Anna

So, move on with your recovery.

Can you learn from this experience and try to find a way to avoid the same problem again?

Hevyn

That can be the last time, brick. Sometimes we get off to a slow start. We need more convincing. Let's try this again. We are with you, & we know you can get well.

brickthrowing

Yes,

I can.

I say that coming from a strange place. It is almost like I have just one more piece of information I need to get that understanding.

I am trying everything today not to dwell in failure. But, also I have to acknowledge what I have done too.

Sticky spot.

artsoul

As they say in AA, it's "cunning, baffling and powerful"...... In the beginning, that old insane thinking and justification keeps popping up. It takes a good bit of preventive maintenance to deal with the cravings. It does get easier over time, though, so don't lose heart!

Be good to yourself..... you'll feel better in another day or two, and you can start building your confidence again.

Hevyn

Your feelings of anger and remorse can serve a purpose - but try not to dwell on what happened. I spent such a long time wallowing around in regret that I almost couldn't pull myself out of it. You messed up - forgive yourself and move forward.

I grabbed drinks without thinking many times - always with disastrous results. That's why I had to convince myself there was no control once the stuff touched my lips. I could no longer mindlessly grab a drink & not expect to have dangerous consequences. It's just a matter of believing that deep down. Not easy - but doable.

brickthrowing

Okay,

Not easy, but doable...

I think I have to come clean with my roommate and tell them I cannot have beer in the fridge.

I can't pretend anymore that it doesn't affect me somewhere knowing its RIGHT there.

Is it unfair to ask them to not have it there? Is that putting my problems on someone else's lap?

I am not blaming anyone else but myself since it way MY hand that picked it up and MY throat that swallowed it, but I do think if it were not there that would have made a difference.

Hevyn

I think we're so fragile in the beginning, we have to do whatever we need to. It's easier to resist temptation when we get stronger and more confident.

Purplecatlover

Whether alcohol is there or not, you are ultimately responsible. I got sober while my husband drank away every night in front of me. Was it hard? Yes. Impossible? No.
Have you heard of Rational Recovery? It is a book that helps you identify the part of you that wants to drink & the part that wants to quit.
It's called AVRT. Addictive Voice Recognition Technique.
You can read through the AVRT threads in the secular connection on this forum, scroll down from main page.
You can get the book used from Amazon for about $6
Money worth getting over the obsession of drinking.
I loved it b/c it fit me & my beliefs.
You can do this.

sissy07

Hey,

You can turn this into somewhat of a positive experience. Remember how fast that beer came and went, and now think of how badly about it you feel today. It wasn't worth it. Next time you are tempted remember this. Chin up - spur of the moment decision to drink was how I relapsed every time. Take care.

OCDDan

I had one last beer hidden away in the fridge but it kept calling me, had to pour it out, I guess that's not an option for you tho.