mndisfam

Wow - this website has been an amazing source of support for me. I am 79 days sober now and doing pretty good.

Like everything else in my marriage, this has been a solo journey for me. In fact, I am pretty sure I drank a lot to numb myself from my miserable marriage.

Now we have some family events coming up, and they are definite stressors to me. I WON"T drink, but they will all be drinking in front of me. Its pointless to discuss this with my husband, bcs he is pretty much absent from me in most ways, and he will be drinking himself. He won't change any behavior to help me get thru this.

I know I will be succesful, but I am still scared. I am thinking of pretending I have a headache and going upstairs and reading or something. I realize my sobriety needs to come first, but I am feeling guilty about leaving family get togethers for even a little while - even tho I know no one will miss me!

Anyone have any thoughts or similar experiences like this?

PassedtheBar

Hi, I am in my 5th Month of Recovery. Just went through a weekend of family, a wedding, and multiple open bars. Stock up on meetings beforehand, hit one during the weekend if you need it, and you can make it through. Good luck!

Sapling

Welcome to SR mndisfam....How long is the get together? I had a family reunion I had to attend at about the 60 day mark...It had been planned for a year. My family drinks. It was a week long and held in the state I live in. I only attended two days and had my own vehicle so I could leave if I wasn't comfortable. I brought a cooler with a six pack of ginger ale and a six pack of bottled water...And always had one in my hand at all times. My family knew I was quitting and were very supportive so that helped a lot. They didn't push anything on me.
I noticed that they even curbed their drinking when I was there...Which I didn't ask for. I had a good time and I didn't drink. If it wasn't my immediate family I doubt I would have gone at all. Do what you have to do to keep the days you have. I'm sorry to hear about your marriage...And your husbands lack of support....I'm just glad that you realize you can't put ANYTHING or ANYONE in front of your sobriety....Because without it...You have nothing.

SOBERINNEPA

I actually passed on Christmas with my wife's family because I thought the stress at less than four months would be a bad thing, for me. It's not about testing yourself. It's about staying safe. If you're feeling solid, by all means go but have an exit plan and access to your own vehicle. It doesn't sound as though hubby will be willing to bolt if you start to feel uncomfortable.

If you're not feeling solid, stay the heck home. Whatever bad feelings you might have about missing the party won't compare to the bad feelings you'll have if you drink.

Zee

Ha! Husband support, thats a laugh!!! My husband was brewing his own vodka in the house over christmas when I was only 3 months sober and 3 months out of hospital! Zero support from my husband! I hear you mndisfam! He doesn't realise or understand anything about the struggle. I could go on, but it would mean hijacking your post lol! Im 7 months and 17 days sober so far... it can be done (albeit through gritted teeth!!!) xx

Mark75

Yea, it's a solo effort for a lot of us. Pretty much has to be, for a bunch of reasons... Codependency is kinda near the top of the list, not to mention spouses who drink and
May or may not be alcoholic... And recovery is an inside job... That's where ST, AA, whatever, comes in.

Distilling his own vodka?? Shudder, LOL...

Hevyn

Welcome to our family mndisfam. We all understand and get what you're going through. (You might also want to check out the Friends & Family Forum here.) It is hurtful when our families can't or won't learn about the disease.

Congratulations on your 79 days. I like that you said "I know I'll be successful." It's wise of you to anticipate feeling stressed, though. I was very resentful & even angry at times during the first few months. Thankfully, we do get over those feelings as we grow stronger and more hopeful.

mndisfam

Wow - what a big lift you all gave me. !! We all have such individual issues - but all so much in common. I felt DUMB posting this about a family event, thinking I shd have no problem something like that. It really helps to know so many other people faced the same issue. In fact, in the past, probably like everyone else - the only way I couls cope with family events was numbing myself.

As for the going it alone part - that is the least of my issues. I just want to stay sober and not "stand out" in an event that is not about me, while I am putting myself first. Kind of strange position.

I will def. "stock up" on meetings. Great tip.

Thanks you all so much - thank God for this website.

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR mndisfam. Even if you can't ask your husband for support is there anyone else who will be there that you can tell? If not, don't feel bad about bailing. This is a solo journey for most of us and you have to put yourself first. Well done on your 79 days

Anna

I think you need to do what is best for you. Like you, I lived my life doing things I 'should' do and I didn't realize the harm it was doing to me. I gradually lost more and more of myself. Being selfish at times is a good thing and sometimes it's necessary.

And, remember there is always someone here at SR if you feel alone and want to talk.

sugarbear1

Keep phone numbers handy so you can call someone in a pinch. Also a meditation book or a poem stuck in your pocket that can help. The Serenity Prayer comes in handy, too. Stick with the children at the event and make their day special, if there are children who will be there. A cell phone and ear phone also comes in handy....

Welcome to SR!

eJoshua

The bad news is not everyone is supportive of our sobriety. The good news is the only person whose opinion matters to your recovery is yourself.

Hang in there

kittycat3

Wow Zee, what a bummer! My ex was talking about starting to brew beer. I thought that made him an a-hole given my history. What would it have made him if he actually went through with it?!?! I hope you take comfort in the steadfastness of your quit! xoxo