endlesspatience

I was looking for something in a cupboard today and I found an old photo. There is actually a date on it. August 1987. It shows five people. A female friend and her child and also her mother. The other two people in it are me and my former wife. She has her eyes closed. She is wearing a black singlet and blue trousers, but not jeans. She never wore jeans. I am wearing a black hat. I look very similar to now which surprises me. I haven't seen my ex-wife since my divorce probably ten years ago. She is beautiful, I can see that. Here's the extraordinary thing. I thought I would cry with regret and nostalgia when I saw her picture again. Actually I am not so sure that I do feel too sad. It seems like I am looking at strangers - literally true in the case of the other three people in the picture who I have completely forgotten. But for at least five years after the divorce I was obsessed with the memory of my former wife. There have been a lot of other relationships since then, not all of them sensible or good. But the only conclusion I can draw is that the distance of time does change people's emotions. There may be regrets, there may be sadness but they are not the same as they once were. And as I walked home last night from my work, the thought struck me that I love being single. I met a friend for dinner and had a most fascinating conversation. I have a day on my own today but that's OK. If my ex wife somehow reappeared today how would I feel? I honestly don't know. Does this make any sense?

doggonecarl

You make plenty of sense.

Not just emotions. People change over time, those of us in recovery maybe a little more than others. I'm just glad to see you aren't beating yourself up with regret. That shows real change.

Dee74

we grow and we change through life - I think that's a good thing EP

D

Anna

Yes, definitely. As time goes on we grow and change and our needs change too.

I find that the older I become, the more grounded and at peace I am.

MustStop

The emotions you felt when looking at the picture are likely nostalgia and its probably not her you miss. It could be the few things when her companionship was good but we seem to forget the bad things from our past.

I dated a girl for 4 years back in the late 90's and had many of the same feelings, they would creep into my mind up until around 10 years after we had broken up. Funny thing, at that 10 year mark I moved back to my old home town where she still lived for a job opportunity and ran into her. OMG did I ever feel dumb clinging onto those old feelings after a few conversations, she made Jessica Simpson seem like a rocket scientist to put "dumb blonde" as nicely as I can. People change and I think we ( or at least I) forgot that and hung onto the good.

Lily

Actually I like your post. Time does heal old wounds. This is a good reminder of that. Thanks.

kittycat3

Good on you. That's a great place to be!

Bruno1979

Did you and your wife split because of your drinking?