tzivia

hi all, i've been lurking on this site for awhile. I've been trying to quit for about 5 years, but everytime I get started, I only make it a few days, maybe a week if I'm lucky, then I'm back to drinking again. I keep changing my mind and decide to drink again, even though I know I shouldn't, and I know I need to stay sober.

This seems like such a positive site, and I've seen a lot of successes among the members on here. I hope I can become one too. I'm taking antabuse now, because I feel like I need something to make me stay sober, so I can get that time under my belt, before I feel comfortable enough to go it alone. I don't want to have to take anything, but I don't trust myself. I know if I'm not on the antabuse, I'll give in and drink just like every other time when I do, then decide it's the last time, but it never is. I don't have a great track record with staying on the wagon. I'm really hoping this can help me.

I've been thinking about trying AA, but I don't know how I feel about that. I went to a meeting once, couple years ago, but never went back. I found it to be positive and loved getting to hear from people that had been sober a long time, and were happy in their sobriety, but I am so shy and have trouble talking to people. I was a nervous wreck. Maybe if I go a few times, I'll be able to get out of that.

Does anyone have any suggestions, or words of encouragement? I'm really committed to sobriety this time. I have to be. I want it, and I don't want to keep living like this anymore.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, tzivia. Welcome to SR!

There are lots of paths to recovery. Sounds like you had a good experience with AA—you definitely don't have to be self-conscious there, because just like here, they've seen it all before.

Whatever path you take, I'm glad you found us. Fear not, you don't have to keep living like that. And you will get a ton of support here!

Hevyn

Tzivia! Welcome to SR - we're so happy to have you here. You aren't alone - you have all of us, and we understand just how you feel. We've been through all the same things and we want to help.

I had many false starts during my life-long drinking career. When I found SR I was immediately reassured by the upbeat and hopeful attitude that prevailed here. No one was judgmental - they were patient and kind. I wanted to be like the recovering people here - and I finally found the courage to stop forever. You can get off the rollercoaster and have a great new life. We're with you.

tzivia

Thanks readyand able. I've been going it alone all this time, and I've finally seen that it's not working for me. I know I need group support, and I think it will be very helpful for me to have that face to face with people who have been there. I'm sure I could benefit from counseling to, but that is not an option right now, with time constraints, and financial costs. I will try a meeting this weekend if I can get up the courage to go. I really want to find a group that I feel at ease and at home in.

tzivia

Thanks Hevyn. I appreciate your kind words. I feel the same way as you about this site. It has been such a positive in my life for awhile now, I think it's given me strength to finally get serious about this. And join which I've needed to for awhile. I am afraid of being judged, mostly by myself by seeing myself as a failure, that it really helps to be in a place where I don't have to worry about that.

I'm still scared about failing again. But I'm here, and I really am committed this time. Hope this is it for me.

artsoul

Welcome to the family, tzvia!

I'm glad you decided to post - I did a lot of reading here before I finally decided to stop drinking and got up the nerve to post something. It made a difference to be on the "inside" rather than viewing from a distance.

I had a lot of fear, too - fear of failing, but fear of succeeding, too! What helped me the most was taking it a day (or hour sometimes) at a time. Thinking about the future was too overwhelming.

Keep posting and reading....... :day6

tzivia

Thanks artsoul. I'm happy to have joined. It makes it feel to me like it's real this time, and I'm going to do this. I hope the fear goes away soon. I don't want to live my life sober fearing what if I drink again. Do I have what it takes to be sober? I hope the fear goes away with time.

artsoul

It really does get easier over time, tzvia.... We get stronger and the obsessive voice gets weaker. It's healthy to have a little fear of relapsing - keeps us on our toes!

OCDDan

oops, I posted on the wrong thread

debsam

Welcome officially to SR

Tzivia, fear is a natural thing to feel.

This really resonated with me when I first started in sobriety...

"When the pain of your situation gets worse than your fear of change....you will change"

So, I asked myself, "Is the pain worse than the fear?" - my answer was Yes

Antabuse is a good start, but you need to add a support program as well. I hope you give AA another shot.

Glad you're here

Zebra1275

Welcome to SR!


If you hang around here long enough you will hear a number of people talk about how they drank because of social anxiety or shyness. There are a lot of folks in AA meetings who have had similar feelings. Go to some AA meetings, you might find that you fit in a lot more than you expected.

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Try reading about AVRT on a site (do a search). See if you can try that. Or read the book Alcoholics Anonymous online (also available in audio version online). Or listen to speaker tapes on xa-speakers.org (they are speaker meetings that have been taped, although the original AAer's like to refer to these as "talks.")

There's also SMART recovery. Women for Sobriety, and SOS.

Whatever you choose, do it as best as you can, it's your life.

Are you really ready to stay stopped? This willingness is key.

Glad you are here!

awuh1

Sounds like AA might be a good fit for you as you had a positive first meeting and you say you could use the face to face support. You might consider speaking with your local AA office and getting more information about local meetings. You might feel more comfortable in a small meeting, for example, and they could steer you to one you might feel somewhat more comfortable in. They can often come and talk to you in your home if you request it, and you think this might help. All the best.

DisplacedGRITS

Welcome to SR Tzivia. You may want to give AA another shot. Try going to more than one meeting. There are so many different types of meetings. I really enjoy the Steps meetings. I've found that by doing the 90 in 90 i'm finding out which meetings and groups work for me. One meeting isn't really giving AA a fair shake. Give it and yourself a chance. Also, don't let the idea of it being super spiritual get to you. It's different for each person.

Sapling

Everyone of us has fear going into a first meeting. Go in and listen for awhile. Show up early and people will reach out to you....Just keep coming back...Those people I was scared of are my best friends now....That's just how it works and it's perfectly normal. I needed to change my life completely....AA allowed me to do that.

Amy2011

Hello. I think the most important thing is to find a program of recovery that works for you, commit to it, and follow through on it. I use AA, but there are lots of options. I felt that I needed a program to follow and I needed live support. I really needed a plan and support in the beginning. Nothing changes if mothing changes. Good luck.

least

Welcome to the family! :ghug3

I got sober using my weekly counseling sessions and daily SR. My biggest single 'thing' I did to strengthen my sobriety was to learn to be grateful. Now I start and end the day grateful. Makes a big difference in my attitude.

emmanuel2012

Welcome!

if you're sold that it's right for you. keep sobriety a priority, not just a program.
I spent a lot of time mindlessly accepting that sobriety is best
without really really for sure for sure knowing this in my heart.
sounds like you got that far, so a great journey can begin.

.. let all the details settle into place one piece at a time..
.. from my experience it takes action; above and beyond lurking,
so don't be afraid to get involved... be afraid NOT to get involved
(inside or outside AA rooms, with other healthy people, with us, etc.)

tzivia

Thanks for all the words of welcome everyone. I really was struggling today on my way home. I usually drink tonight because I go in late tomorrow to work, and it's a habit for me. I started wishing I could drink, but can't since I'm on the antabuse. I started planning to not take it again, so I could get it out of my system by Saturday or Sunday so I could drink a little. Usually when I even begin to let myself think that, it's over, and all thoughts of sobriety get pushed right out of my head.

I don't know what happened this time, but somehow I steeled my resolve, and as soon as I got home I took a half pill tonight so I can push my drinking even further back. I'm so thankful that I did, but now I'm worried that the same thing will happen again and I'll give in. I will definitely go to an AA meeting this weekend. I'm starting to see that I really need to take more action or I will end up throwing it all away. I'm only on day 3, but don't want to throw any of this away. I really really want this time to be it.

Sapling

Go to a meeting tomorrow then...That's action. No need to wait for the weekend. I really wanted this time to be it for me too....That's why I was hitting two or three meetings a day...Getting a sponsor and working the steps. It's all about action and more action. Willing to go to any lengths.