cricket123

My RAH would not give me a direct answer when I asked when was the last time he seen his counselor. He gave me the “I have a control issue and it is not my business either way”. I ended up telling him if he did not go back to counseling I would not go with him to our counselor and if he ever started drinking again I would take the kids and leave him.

I do not see what the point of going to counseling to address our problems from his addiction when he will not address his addiction. I am so ticked right now. At this point I am not going to our next session, If he makes an appointment I might.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Tuffgirl

Curious - would you take the kids and leave him?

It's easy to make threats when we are angry. But it is much more effective to simply state boundaries when we are calm and rational and follow through on them in the same state.

And at risk of sounding harsh - I know you are angry at him right now - but your last sentence does sound a little controlling. And sometimes, we get so wrapped up in it all that we become controlling ourselves.

It might behoove you to try to be positive...embrace counseling. You never know when the seeds may start to grow...

Just my 2 cents!
~T

LoneStar2x

Here's the thing with addicts. If you make the threat, you'd better go through with it. I remember doing that with my AW, kept throwing it in her face. All it ever did was make me miserable.

She kept drinking, no change at all. Finally I decided to get mean, got her out of the house etc. She saw very quickly how I could raise the kids/work without her around.

She finally got it together and has been sober for some time now. It might be rough at first, but in the long run you will be happier. Hopefully he gets his head out of his a** and comes back to reality.

Good Luck!

cricket123

I would leave in a second if he ever start dirinking again. Yes I am pissed - his thing is I have issues and I need to get help and This is all about how I need help quack quack quack and he really does not particapate in our session as of lately so I am thinking he is just taking me so I can work on my issues. But as I said if he is not willing to work on his addiction and the issues that it has caused, what is the point of trying to work on our marriage. I have only threaten to leave him when I mean it and it usually takes a lot for me to say that. I can only remember saying it two other times and he did take me serouisly. So I do not say I will leave just as a threat - I mean it.

I just feel that he is using couple counseling to Manipulate me and that does not make me happy.

Tuffgirl

This above is exactly what I did. I took the kids (his step kids) and left. We then waited for over a year before attempting marriage counseling. It was advised by AA, Al-Anon, and my private therapist to not even attempt counseling until RAH had been sober for at least 12 months.

While he worked on sobriety through AA, I worked on my own issues in Al-Anon, here, and therapy. I was bitter for a long time...sometimes I still have those feelings crop up but now I know how to deal with everything better than before.

We still don't live together and it it almost 18 months sobriety for him. We work on it everyday though. Just not the right time yet.

Think about it. If he is trying to stay sober right now, the best thing you can give him is the space and the serenity to do so. That means letting your issues take a back seat until the time is right to bring them forward.

cricket123

It looks like I do have a lot of work to do. Thank you all for answering. One of my fears is that I will end up bitter and resentful. I have 2 sisters who are mean and nasty and I do not want to be like them.

emmanuel2012

i'm one of those fools that believes that happiness in love is not so much the result of doing or saying the right things to each other, or giving your partner what they want, but destiny; a gift given to both of you to cherish when both lovers can receive it. keep your eyes and heart open so as not to close doors that should remain open, even if it takes building territorial walls for your protection. those don't have to be permanent. just solid, and only as necessary. You'll know He who gets through those walls is worthy of your love. You won't be bitter or resentful with bold moves if you trust that you've done the best thing at the time. the good things in life are to be worked for and earned.