Racing thoughts in the empty space between my ears...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Racing thoughts in the empty space between my ears...
Does anyone know that feeling you get when you realize you've leaned too far back in your chair?
I feel it every night when I'm trying to fall asleep. That and constant racing thoughts with no "off" switch. I've gone days with no sleep. Recently, almost a week straight (6 days/nights). Finally, my brain just shut down, and I slept for four hours straight. Felt like heaven, even though I was two hours late for work, as I slept straight through my alarm. This isn't like me because I'm hypervigilant and always aware of rogue sounds (a PTSD thing). I fear sleep, yet crave it (and need it) so much.
My doc says the hallucinations I'm experiencing aren't related to real psychosis (I figured this), and that they're the result of sleep deprivation (figured this, too). I've thought (and still do think) that they're also possibly the result of depression. She prescribed valium, which I wasn't happy about, even though benzos aren't my drugs of choice. I told her my hesitation, having cold-turkeyed two benzos (ativan and klonopin, which were prescribed for me 14 years ago) over a month ago. Told her I wanted to remain drug-free. I was desperate enough for sleep that I took them.
They alleviated that "leaning too far back in your chair" feeling. Now though, I'm just tossing and turning calmly, without that pit in my stomach. Should I be grateful for this at least?
I could've broken my arm patting myself on the back for quitting the oxys 37 days ago (my drug of choice), even though the journey has just begun. But now I'm feeling guilty for taking the valium, even though I have no desire to abuse it.
Ack. I'm dreading that thought-racing, worry-filled time I'll spend in bed tonight, as I have to work tomorrow and pretty much need to be mentally present tomorrow.
I feel it every night when I'm trying to fall asleep. That and constant racing thoughts with no "off" switch. I've gone days with no sleep. Recently, almost a week straight (6 days/nights). Finally, my brain just shut down, and I slept for four hours straight. Felt like heaven, even though I was two hours late for work, as I slept straight through my alarm. This isn't like me because I'm hypervigilant and always aware of rogue sounds (a PTSD thing). I fear sleep, yet crave it (and need it) so much.
My doc says the hallucinations I'm experiencing aren't related to real psychosis (I figured this), and that they're the result of sleep deprivation (figured this, too). I've thought (and still do think) that they're also possibly the result of depression. She prescribed valium, which I wasn't happy about, even though benzos aren't my drugs of choice. I told her my hesitation, having cold-turkeyed two benzos (ativan and klonopin, which were prescribed for me 14 years ago) over a month ago. Told her I wanted to remain drug-free. I was desperate enough for sleep that I took them.
They alleviated that "leaning too far back in your chair" feeling. Now though, I'm just tossing and turning calmly, without that pit in my stomach. Should I be grateful for this at least?
I could've broken my arm patting myself on the back for quitting the oxys 37 days ago (my drug of choice), even though the journey has just begun. But now I'm feeling guilty for taking the valium, even though I have no desire to abuse it.
Ack. I'm dreading that thought-racing, worry-filled time I'll spend in bed tonight, as I have to work tomorrow and pretty much need to be mentally present tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Hmm, can't play doctor here, and so I won't... I will tell you that you should trust your instincts when it comes to the benzos... There are other sleep meds available that will suit your needs, maybe you and your doctor could discuss that some more??
I had racing thoughts when I first started out in recovery... For a few months. They go away.
Of all the things that can help, for me, exercise and music helped the most.
I had racing thoughts when I first started out in recovery... For a few months. They go away.
Of all the things that can help, for me, exercise and music helped the most.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
I know that lack of sleep is miserable and that it feeds on itself. I have chronic insomnia and the only real way to deal with it is to not worry about it, which is darn near impossible. Do pat yourself on the back for what you've accomplished and I hope that you can work your way through the insomnia.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Anna 
I know that lack of sleep is miserable and that it feeds on itself. I have chronic insomnia and the only real way to deal with it is to not worry about it, which is darn near impossible. Do pat yourself on the back for what you've accomplished and I hope that you can work your way through the insomnia.
Ugh, I feel 30, why can't my body act like it's 30?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by Mark75
Hmm, can't play doctor here, and so I won't... I will tell you that you should trust your instincts when it comes to the benzos... There are other sleep meds available that will suit your needs, maybe you and your doctor could discuss that some more??
I had racing thoughts when I first started out in recovery... For a few months. They go away.
Of all the things that can help, for me, exercise and music helped the most.
I had racing thoughts when I first started out in recovery... For a few months. They go away.
Of all the things that can help, for me, exercise and music helped the most.
next step is to work on my social anxiety (i'm pretty effed up for being a mental health therapist myself, eh?), that way, i can go out in public (in daylight even) without gut-wrenching fear. i can then take advantage of the gym membership i pay for monthly!
thank you SO much for your input, mark.
i feel so much support here, so thank you again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Staying up for near a whole week is nowhere near good for you.
I am 100% open honest and transparent with my pdr and therapist and we make any med changes one at a time slowly.
Use and abuse of a prescribed medication are 2 different things..one helps to heal, the other harms.
My pdr specialized in brain chemistry, I didn't.
I don't make med decisions without consulting him and having his full on support.
I am 100% open honest and transparent with my pdr and therapist and we make any med changes one at a time slowly.
Use and abuse of a prescribed medication are 2 different things..one helps to heal, the other harms.
My pdr specialized in brain chemistry, I didn't.
I don't make med decisions without consulting him and having his full on support.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 773
Jillian,
not to give out medical advice, but if you cold-turkeyed benzo's a month ago, that could be what's causing the sleep problems, but i guess that's probably stating the obvious, did you take the benzos everyday? don't they have to wean you off them?
best wishes, dan
not to give out medical advice, but if you cold-turkeyed benzo's a month ago, that could be what's causing the sleep problems, but i guess that's probably stating the obvious, did you take the benzos everyday? don't they have to wean you off them?
best wishes, dan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
the doc seems on top of this and knows my history.
she knows i cold-turkey the benzos i was taking for 14 years, even though it was the smallest dose they make for both of them (ativan and klonopin).
she said that this is why i'm not sleeping, and that no one should cold-turkey them.
i was impatient and did the "all or nothing thing," meaning: if i'm quitting the oxys, why not quit everything?
big mistake, but since i had been off them for a month before complaining to her about no sleep, i didn't see the point in starting all over with something else, thinking i would get through it on my own (this is a control thing that i totally recognize).
problem is, she said that when people go off benzo's, they can have sleep problems (and other problems) for up to a year or two! i didn't sign on for that.
i trusted her judgement (still do), even though i'm still severely lacking in sleep.
she did a drug test on me first.
first drug test i've ever had, and i can't say i wasn't totally humiliated, even though i knew it would come up clean, which it did.
and yes, i took the benzos every day up until a month and a week ago (ativan .5 mgs, three times a day, and klonopin 1mg at bedtime).
i should've known better to cold-turkey them like i did the oxys, but got cocky, i think...
she knows i cold-turkey the benzos i was taking for 14 years, even though it was the smallest dose they make for both of them (ativan and klonopin).
she said that this is why i'm not sleeping, and that no one should cold-turkey them.
i was impatient and did the "all or nothing thing," meaning: if i'm quitting the oxys, why not quit everything?
big mistake, but since i had been off them for a month before complaining to her about no sleep, i didn't see the point in starting all over with something else, thinking i would get through it on my own (this is a control thing that i totally recognize).
problem is, she said that when people go off benzo's, they can have sleep problems (and other problems) for up to a year or two! i didn't sign on for that.
i trusted her judgement (still do), even though i'm still severely lacking in sleep.
she did a drug test on me first.
first drug test i've ever had, and i can't say i wasn't totally humiliated, even though i knew it would come up clean, which it did.
and yes, i took the benzos every day up until a month and a week ago (ativan .5 mgs, three times a day, and klonopin 1mg at bedtime).
i should've known better to cold-turkey them like i did the oxys, but got cocky, i think...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: My Own Headspace
Posts: 158
Originally Posted by OCDDan
Any doctor that lets you do that should have their head examined, .5 three times a day? I would switch doctors but that's just me
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
Can you do a search on better sleeping? At least for now. Something like relax an hour before sleeping, no bright lights (tv, phone, computer) in front of your eyes, keep the rooms darkened, warm bath with maybe lavandar aroma, warm milk or a turkey sandwich an hour before sleeping, meditation, relaxation exercises...
The 12 steps helped me to get through the inner turmoil and I listen to speaker tapes on my mp3 to reduce the noise in my head as I fall asleep (in early recovery this was a must).
Early recovery, yeah, sleep is messed up cause we've changed the brain chemistry and it has to get even again. It's not just the REM sleep, but it's also the SWS (slow wave sleep) that has been disrupted. You'll even out soon enough. Are you working AVRT? Interested in AA at all? Counselor?
There are solutions.
Hugs,
The 12 steps helped me to get through the inner turmoil and I listen to speaker tapes on my mp3 to reduce the noise in my head as I fall asleep (in early recovery this was a must).
Early recovery, yeah, sleep is messed up cause we've changed the brain chemistry and it has to get even again. It's not just the REM sleep, but it's also the SWS (slow wave sleep) that has been disrupted. You'll even out soon enough. Are you working AVRT? Interested in AA at all? Counselor?
There are solutions.
Hugs,
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
