TigerLili

I blew it again on alcohol and pills. I've got a back problem - 4 slipped discs - and some of them are pressing on nerves and causing intense pain, plus an old neck /shoulder injury is playing up, and on top of that I got a nasty case of shingles on my leg.

My dr prescribed oxy, which is a substance i have previously abused. I had it when I had surgery last year and was fine, only taking it as prescribed, but the last two nights I pretty much used up all that I had, plus a handful of xanax, plus bottles of wine. I just wanted an escape from the physical pain and mental and physical exhaustion.

I was going to go into my boss's office on Friday and ask for reduced hours or days for a few months (maybe 3 days a week) because I just constantly get sick with one thing or another, and I'm having routine panic attacks (hence why I have been presribed xanax) but then the other person who does the same job as me is leaving and my boss told me that they aren't replacing her and I will be doing her job as well as mine. I suggested that the job is too big for one person but not big enough for two, so maybe 2 part time people might be the solution. I won't know until probably mid next week what they decide to do. Well paid, part time jobs are hard to come by so I may have no choice but to continue working full time.

I don't know what to do. I'm clearly not coping. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. Truthfully I've been taking more oxy and xanax than I need for the last week or so - to the point where I lose track of how much I've taken. Obviously tht's contributing to feeling so physically tired and worn out becasue who knows how much of it is in my system at any given time. Plus I take a psych medication that contributes to making me tired - I have another medication to offset the tiredness but it's expensive and I don't take it very often. Right now, I think it would be a bad idea to introduce yet another mood altering drug into my system.

Dee74

Certainly sounds like a bind TigerLily.
I think maybe you need to talk to your Dr first off?

D

ReadyAndAble

I don't have any experience with either those meds or the underlying issues. So all I have to offer is a my hope that you'll get through this soon, guided by some sound advice. Hang in there—and good for you posting about. Don't give up. Everyone who ever recovered did so by refusing to give up.

CaiHong

Hi Tiger,
I don't know what to say never being addicted to pills or suffering chronic pain. I just wanted to post to give you my support. Seeing a doctor who knows about addiction would be my best bet.

All the best
caiHong

TigerLili

I'm so tired. I feel like there's no way out. I have an apt with my shrink tomorrow so I will talk to her then - I haven't disclosed to her that I've been drinking again.

Dee74

I think it's important to get as much help as you can get TL - that generally means being completely honest and open tho - people can't help if they don't know the full problem, y'know?

D

TigerLili

I know. It's just so humiliating, I don't know how to get the words out of my mouth.

Dee74

I know - it's not nice...but when I had to come clean on something like that, I tried to think of it as doing myself a favour...

Hope all goes well TL
D

TigerLili

Thanks Dee.

Dee74

hope you have a good night TL

D

2granddaughters

Write them now on a piece of paper and just hand it to the shrink.

Bob R

Jilllian

i like bob's idea.

i deal with chronic pain too, and i empathize with your feelings of exhaustion and frustration. knowing that tomorrow's another day of pain is NOT a good thought/feeling to go to sleep with at night (assuming your getting any sleep at all). i'm so sorry you're struggling with all of this.

i can also empathize with the oxy abuse. did the same thing for four years. it was prescribed for a back injury after a car accident, and i noticed it helped with fibromyalgia. also noticed it dulled emotional pain, the best aspect of these drugs in my opinion.

you're obviously a fighter though, otherwise you wouldn't be here posting. problem with exhaustion is that people don't think clearly or do what's in their true best interest(s).

would you be covered by FMLA if you left your job temporarily? the issue of your coworker leaving and your boss expecting you to do two jobs is his issue, not yours. you're not doing yourself any favors by pushing yourself way beyond reasonable standards. sounds to me like you're in desperate need of rest, and a plan to get yourself on track. the fact that you're wanting to go in to work part-time is admirable.

also sounds like you need a thorough work-up and med management eval. all those meds that are making your tired could make you depressed at the same time (if you're not already). it's like playing with fire, and i admire you for realizing this.

best to you...

CaiHong

I really liked what Jillian advised.

go Tiger
CaiHong

Anna

I'm glad you're planning to talk to your dr tomorrow and get some info on how to proceed. Above all, don't feel ashamed and especially not to the point where it prevents you from taking care of yourself. And, I urge you to stand firm in your wish to work part-time, at least for awhile. You are listening to what your body is telling you and that will keep you on the right path.

TigerLili

I thought I had found myself a sponsor at a meeting on Monday night. She promised me she would respond if I called or texted. I texted her last night (Wednesday here) that I wasn't doing so good and could she call me or text me. Didn't hear a thing back. I had driven myself to a meeting atfter taking a handful of oxy and a few drinks. I realised I was in bad shape a few minutes after sitting down so I snuck out and drove myself back home and crawled into bed. I live only 5 mins from the meeting but not smart to drive in that shape.

I feel cursed when it comes to sponsors. I had the one that wanted me to do everythig but the steps, one that kept me on step 4 for a year and now this one who promisedpromisedpromised she would take my call between certains times (12.30-1.30pm and after 7.30pm). I called her about 8 and she didn't respond at all, even to say she was busy and couldn't talk.

The worst part is that even though I knew I was in bad shape, I still wanted to drink more and take more oxy. The more I have, the more I want.

I'm such a mess and don't know how to stop.