helpless26

Hi everyone. I have a question for everyone.

My best friend of 26 yrs has a drinking problem. I have continually ignored it and haven't brought it up.......don't really know how to or if I even should. There was a situation that I just found out about that happened on Wednesday.

She goes to a family members house (my cousins) to get her hair done. She was stone cold sober when she got there. She had a Gatorade bottle, that just looked like Gatorade and didn't smell like anything either. By the time she left (2 hours later) she could barely stand up and walk. [Think she thought it wouldn't be noticed]. The problem that we have (my cousin) and I is that she has a 4yr old daughter...that she did have with her. My cousin is now feeling like crap because he let her leave with her child like that. [He is not the only one who noticed either as he lives with his mother].

This is not the first time something like this has happened. I don't want to lose my friendship with her, but more then that I love that little girl like she is my own. I don't want to end up not having her in my life anymore and Im scared for her--she has no control over what her mother does and I don't want her to grow up seeing that and thinking it is ok.

Does anyone have any advise at all as to what my options would be?

hypochondriac

Have you thought about bringing it up with her? I've been thinking about how I'd react if someone had approached me about my drinking...I think if you don't attack her or criticise her for anything (she may get defensive) and just let her know you're there for her...she'll probably thank you for it.

tanja

Is an intervention with family and friends possible? That might be an alternative instead of just you mentioning the problem with alcohol.

helpless26

How would I bring it up to her? I have never actually been a witness to her doing it. She has come over a couple of times and spent the night with my boyfriend and I and yes we had a couple of drinks...but she was spending the night. She didn't do it the next day when she had to leave. Though, she does basically "let" me take care of her daughter and she just lays around on the couch.

I guess my downfall is that Im fearful of what she is going to do, and I know thats my problem. I just feel "helpless" like my user name.

OCDDan

I would go to a family member about it, then after they approach her, she's likely to come to you for support, instead of the other way around, you being the bad guy.

artsoul

Welcome helpless -

I'm sorry to hear about your friend..... it has to be sad and frustrating for you, especially since she has a child. The problem with chronic drinkers/alcoholics is that we don't want anyone to know the extent of our problem - we even deny it to ourselves.

If it were me, I'd document some of these things. Does she have any family in the area who are aware of her problem?

We have a family/friends forum where I know you'll get support from others in your situation, too:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hypochondriac

You've never seen her drink? excessively? If you have no evidence of anything can't you just mention that you've noticed she seems to be having a hard time coping and ask if everything is okay? Maybe she'll tell you herself x

helpless26

Not "secretively" like she has been doing. There have been times when she has drank excessively while around me and gotten pretty wasted, as I said though she was staying the night...not driving. I know that she does have a lot going on, at the same time she has people that have been there for her always. I know though that she probably doesn't see it that way as I know thats how this disease works, and she does talk about it but obviously doesn't feel thats enough.

hypochondriac

Are you saying that she does talk about having a drinking problem? You could always point her in the direction of SR You may want to post this again in the friends and family forum as you'll get advice from people who have been in the same position before. As a fairly raw sober person I can only say that I would be upset if a friend didn't try and talk to me before looking into other routes of addressing this.

Best of luck to you x

Sapling

All I know is when people approached me about my drinking...It p!ssed me off....There's not a whole lot you can do about getting her to stop.....Pray for her...Maybe you can drop a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous somewhere she will find it...In her car...Front step...Mailbox....She doesn't have to know where it came from...Who knows...Maybe she'll read it...And better yet....Get something out of it. Best of luck to you...It's nice she at least has one friend like you.

helpless26

Sapling;
That is exactly why I don't want to bring it up to her. I know it will royally **** her off. I honestly don't think the book would do anything either. I know she would just be like "what the @#$$ is this", because she knows a person/people that do have problems that she has distanced herself from and thinks they are "losers" for doing that. More so because there is children involved. That is what worries me the most......her little girl.
Thank you for you post, and best of luck to you.

helpless26

hypochondriac;

No she doesn't talk about her drinking....she just NEVER hid it before, for example if she had a beer or couple she just did...now she's hiding it in bottled drinks like Gatorade.
I was finally able to post in the Family forum (it wouldn't allow me to before because it said I was new here) and I had to have a certain amount of posts and replies first.
Thank you for your responses.

helpless26

[QUOTE=artsoul;3362779]Welcome helpless -

I'm sorry to hear about your friend..... it has to be sad and frustrating for you, especially since she has a child. The problem with chronic drinkers/alcoholics is that we don't want anyone to know the extent of our problem - we even deny it to ourselves.

If it were me, I'd document some of these things. Does she have any family in the area who are aware of her problem?

We have a family/friends forum where I know you'll get support from others in your situation, too:

artsoul;

Thats a good idea (documenting things that happen) Thanks. And I was finally able to post in the Family forum