SuzyMarie

Just need to vent a little. A month or 2 ago, I found out my sister had up to a $2000 a month oxy habit, however that is not what initially brought me here. Anyway, I sincerely do not know if she is taking steps to get clean. She says she is, however, after 7 years with my ex, who was addicted to cocaine, I do not trust words. So she messages me today asking to borrow $110 until tomorrow which totally triggered me because I have heard those words before out of my ex. I do not have that kind of extra money, it would be taken out of bill money. At first she said it was to pay a fine. I told her I didn't have it but I did her taxes for her and they are due to be direct deposited on Monday. Then she says she hates to ask, but she'd have it tomorrow for sure, that she thought I would have it from my tax return and she didn't want her phone to be shut off. I am feeling very guilty. I love her to pieces and she has helped me out in the past and I have paid her back, but my stomach hurts at the thought of losing $110 if she does not give it back. I do not presume to know what she is using it for. Ugh. I am just feeling so bad for being a bit suspicious and saying no!

gbuehrle

If you decide to lend her the money, tell her you will pay the phone bill directly, don't give her the money. Write the check to the phone company or use your debit card to pay them directly.

SuzyMarie

I cannot take a chance of not getting the money back, though...that is the whole issue.

cangel2

I think you have your answer there.....if you cannot afford to lose the money then I suggest you let her figure this out herself.

I know it is difficult and painful but you need to take care of yourself first.....if she is resourceful enough to find $2K a month to support her addiction then she is resourceful enough to find the $110 she needs. You are likely just one of many people she is asking help from.

Hang in there and do what is right for you.

SuzyMarie

Thanks, I guess my feelings took me by surprise and I do not want to think she is capable of lying to me like my ex did. I don't even put them in the same category...she is so sweet, but addiction is addiction.

gbuehrle

I would just say no then. Don't feel guilty. If you can't do it, you can't do it. It is what it is. If it is really a phone bill and she is going to have the money tomorrow then one night without a phone won't be the end of the world.

dollydo

Just say No...it is a complete sentence. She is an adult, it is up to her to manage her money...no phone? What's the big deal?

kmangel

The bottom line with addicts is to never loan out money. So that is your answer right there. But if you do, I think it's best to not to expect to get back what you give to someone, whether it's money or some object, because you probably wont get it back. In your case, since you really need the money for bills, you're putting yourself at risk of having your bills being paid late because you loaned out the money. It's up to you.