First contact from my daughter in 5 months :(
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
First contact from my daughter in 5 months :(
Until yesterday, I hadn't heard from my 22 year old daughter since November.
The text I received from her read: "you're a sack of ****. thanks for that"
What motivated her to contact me was that the pawn shop at which she pawned my jewelry wouldn't purchase anything from her because they had put a "don't buy" order on her name. They actually called me while she was standing in front of them and asked me if they should buy the jewelry she had. She was telling them that the don't buy order was a mistake; that I had authorized her to sell my jewelry back in November and she had merely brought in the wrong items.
10 seconds after I hung up the phone after telling them not to buy from her, I received that text.
I texted her back "I love you. Please get help. You have medical and dental insurance- please use it", to which she replied that she was going to jail in a couple of weeks and needed money to be able to take calls from her boyfriend in jail, and that I had ruined that for her. And not to contact her again.
Over several months last summer, she and her boyfriend scammed my exhusband (credit card theft, check forgery) for almost 20K. They were both charged with multiple felony counts.
Her boyfriend just went to jail last week on those charges, and was apparently stupid enough to try to smuggle drugs into jail, incurring another 14 counts of drug charges. He has a record, so I think he'll be gone for about a year. Her court date on the charges is in two weeks. As this is her first offense, basically, I'm not sure if she will get jail time or probation or community control. I was hoping that once he went to jail, she would decide to get help.
I didn't know if she was dead or alive. I guess she's alive.
The text I received from her read: "you're a sack of ****. thanks for that"
What motivated her to contact me was that the pawn shop at which she pawned my jewelry wouldn't purchase anything from her because they had put a "don't buy" order on her name. They actually called me while she was standing in front of them and asked me if they should buy the jewelry she had. She was telling them that the don't buy order was a mistake; that I had authorized her to sell my jewelry back in November and she had merely brought in the wrong items.
10 seconds after I hung up the phone after telling them not to buy from her, I received that text.
I texted her back "I love you. Please get help. You have medical and dental insurance- please use it", to which she replied that she was going to jail in a couple of weeks and needed money to be able to take calls from her boyfriend in jail, and that I had ruined that for her. And not to contact her again.
Over several months last summer, she and her boyfriend scammed my exhusband (credit card theft, check forgery) for almost 20K. They were both charged with multiple felony counts.
Her boyfriend just went to jail last week on those charges, and was apparently stupid enough to try to smuggle drugs into jail, incurring another 14 counts of drug charges. He has a record, so I think he'll be gone for about a year. Her court date on the charges is in two weeks. As this is her first offense, basically, I'm not sure if she will get jail time or probation or community control. I was hoping that once he went to jail, she would decide to get help.
I didn't know if she was dead or alive. I guess she's alive.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 227
"I love you please get help"
You are a good mother. I know it hurts... Beyond belief.. But you have done all anyone can do and now all that is left is to let her know you love her and will be there for her when she decides to find recovery. ((hugs))
You and your daughter ar in my prayers.
You are a good mother. I know it hurts... Beyond belief.. But you have done all anyone can do and now all that is left is to let her know you love her and will be there for her when she decides to find recovery. ((hugs))
You and your daughter ar in my prayers.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
There are so many parents here on SR who are in various stages of going thru similar situations. The hardest thing to wrap ourselves around is the idea that it's our JOB as parents to keep our children safe from harm... yet when its our adult or nearly adult children who are continually causing themselves harm - we can't keep them safe from themselves.
It sounds like you have some good boundaries. Hopefully you can do something extra nice for yourself today... a little extra self care. You deserve it!
Thank GOD for places like this, where parents can share their experience, strength and hope as they go thru this nightmarish struggle. You're not alone.
Hugs and prayers for you, for your daughter, and all who still struggle with this awful disease.
It sounds like you have some good boundaries. Hopefully you can do something extra nice for yourself today... a little extra self care. You deserve it!
Thank GOD for places like this, where parents can share their experience, strength and hope as they go thru this nightmarish struggle. You're not alone.
Hugs and prayers for you, for your daughter, and all who still struggle with this awful disease.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 40
Originally Posted by cynical one 
Jails don't "take" calls for their guests, so that lie doesn't fly. You're response to her was perfect. I know it stings, but try not to take her words personally.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 455
Hugs to you. My AD used to be a really nice kid until addiction changed her into someone who could say and do horrible things. We are on speaking terms now but she knows better than to ask me to enable her in any way.
You gave your D a good answer and if it's not what she was looking for then that is on her. Maybe the legal system will help nudge your D and her BF toward the help they need.
You gave your D a good answer and if it's not what she was looking for then that is on her. Maybe the legal system will help nudge your D and her BF toward the help they need.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: East Coast of Florida
Posts: 61
I stopped home at lunch the other day and when I came out of the house, a police car pulled up. The officer wanted to know where he could find my daughter. He had a warrant for her arrest. I told him I hadn't seen her since November, but had heard from her last week.
So, he wanted me to set her up. He wanted me to text her and tell her I had had a change of heart and had money for her, and to meet me at the house in an hour. Then he would show up and arrest her. I told him I would let her know there was a warrant and to do the right thing, but I would neither lie to him nor to her, and would not set her up and betray her in that way even though I do not condone any of the things she's done and agree that she needs to face the consequences thereof.
Apparently she found a pawnshop who WOULD buy from her, and is now facing more felony counts of trafficking in stolen goods, grand theft, and falsely claiming ownership. They arrested her yesterday. She has not called me from jail. In addition, she was charged with a misdemeanor for possession of drug paraphernalia.
Her court date for the original charges of credit card theft and forgery isn't til next week. Now she is facing at least 5 more felony counts. I also talked to her BF's mother last night and found out that she was indeed living there, and that police from two jurisdictions exercised a search warrant there for 5 hours last night, ransacked their room, and confiscated any number of stolen goods, and that she and her BF are suspected in home burglaries in that neighborhood.
I wrote a letter to the state attorney's office before I found out about these new charges asking them to order a psychiatric evaluation and drug court or rehab. I wrote because there was nothing else I could do, and just needed to let someone know she has a mother who loves her and that she needs help. Probably no one will read it, but I sent it anyway.
Just despair. That's all right now. Thank God I can come here.
So, he wanted me to set her up. He wanted me to text her and tell her I had had a change of heart and had money for her, and to meet me at the house in an hour. Then he would show up and arrest her. I told him I would let her know there was a warrant and to do the right thing, but I would neither lie to him nor to her, and would not set her up and betray her in that way even though I do not condone any of the things she's done and agree that she needs to face the consequences thereof.
Apparently she found a pawnshop who WOULD buy from her, and is now facing more felony counts of trafficking in stolen goods, grand theft, and falsely claiming ownership. They arrested her yesterday. She has not called me from jail. In addition, she was charged with a misdemeanor for possession of drug paraphernalia.
Her court date for the original charges of credit card theft and forgery isn't til next week. Now she is facing at least 5 more felony counts. I also talked to her BF's mother last night and found out that she was indeed living there, and that police from two jurisdictions exercised a search warrant there for 5 hours last night, ransacked their room, and confiscated any number of stolen goods, and that she and her BF are suspected in home burglaries in that neighborhood.
I wrote a letter to the state attorney's office before I found out about these new charges asking them to order a psychiatric evaluation and drug court or rehab. I wrote because there was nothing else I could do, and just needed to let someone know she has a mother who loves her and that she needs help. Probably no one will read it, but I sent it anyway.
Just despair. That's all right now. Thank God I can come here.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I will keep your daughter in my prayers and hope that jail may be exactly what she needs to get clean and think clearly. And maybe, just maybe she may decide to find a better path.
My son has been gone 8 years. If he were clean he would have contacted me, I am certain of that. Anything less than clean is something I cannot live with anymore, I've been through too much (like you) and need to protect my own sanity and health.
So I understand your pain, and I am so very sorry you are going through what no mama should every have to.
But you did everything very well, what you told her was perfect and came from love. When she is less desperate for drugs and has time to think on it, she will regret her words and remember yours.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
My son has been gone 8 years. If he were clean he would have contacted me, I am certain of that. Anything less than clean is something I cannot live with anymore, I've been through too much (like you) and need to protect my own sanity and health.
So I understand your pain, and I am so very sorry you are going through what no mama should every have to.
But you did everything very well, what you told her was perfect and came from love. When she is less desperate for drugs and has time to think on it, she will regret her words and remember yours.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
Linkin Park Enthusiast
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 548
My parents own a pawnshop. You would be surprised how many times they have to deal with this. My dad gets subpoenaed at least twice a week, and it is always repeat offenders going to court for theft against their family members. You are very far from alone in this, there are people everywhere who feel your pain.
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