Addiction Has A Voice
Drug Addiction Has No Mercy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Milwaukie Oregon
Posts: 875
Addiction Has A Voice
Picture a silhouette of his head. Now inside that head there are words just bouncing around in the emptiness of his mind and when he opens his mouth, the dam breaks and verbal vomit carelessly spews forth without reservation and with the intent to wound, destroy and or kill. Drug abuse desensitizes, dehumanizes as well as demoralizes the addict ... The addict opens his/her mouth and addiction has a voice. Its ugliness is revealed in full form via the words and deeds of the addict.
Here is how it plays out.
Firstly, the addict says something so out in left field that it takes you off guard, you are baffled and before you have a chance to react, a string of absolute ******** pours forth pulling the rug out from underneath your feet. You start to fall and on your way down you get hit with a verbal blow that stuns you, followed by vile words used to knock the air out of you, hurtful ones kick you while your down. Insults and cruelty follow in perfect timing. Snicker and blame enter in soon after.
Then, a loved one you hold dear is the prime weapon here.
Fuel for the hell fire. That loved one is verbally murdered right there in front of you. Your ears cannot escape the horror. Target words rivet your body and mind as verbal bullets blast your loved one apart. Bitterness and hatefulness are companions in this synchronized mayhem ...
Final move: The darkest of dark and straight from the heart of hell pure evil comes in to ensure the kill and pukes up the most horrendous words that form the very sentence that takes you out, kills the heart of your spirit and cuts the throat of your soul
And when all is said and done, the addict just walks away as if nothing happened ...
You are left in the wake of the damage and destruction that comes with the territory of loving someone who has an addiction.
Addiction has no conscience, the addict becomes what addiction creates therefore he/she has no conscience either. As the addiction progresses the person you once knew goes spiraling out of control, descending to deeper levels further down the pit and all the while being charred beyond recognition
The very thing the addict does to you is inadvertently being done to the addict via their addiction in the darkest form of evil you can imagine. Addiction assassinate the person of all they once were and turns them into a breathing zombie who is your worst nightmare
I guess it would be safe to say that what goes on inside the addict shows by what comes out of the addict - addiction mirrored in actions, words and deeds.
It is so very hard to remember that the addict doesn't think, talk, act or behave like a "normal person" and even more important to remember they don't feel like a normal person and by that I mean their feelings and emotions are all being snuffed out ... all that is left is "CAN'T"
The addict can't even be there for themselves much less for anyone else. The one thing that you can count on is YOU CAN'T COUNT ON AN ADDICT. They simply do not have the capability to be there for you.
The addict carries the cross of addiction around every where they go - addiction makes a person weak.
The addict is our addiction therefore making us weak - it is a viscous cycle
Hardcore reality check = both addicts are now spiraling down into the pit of addiction hell and both are being charred on the way down .. both beyond recognition.
Ever hear a recovering addict say "I can't believe what I became"
Ever hear a recovering co/dependent say, "I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't like the person I had become?" our brains are warping in the heat ... We're being charred in the pit .... ...
Crisis mode and Chaos is followed by excitement and adrenaline rush. At the same time we complain about all the drama and chaos the addict has brought to our lives. We become addicted to them. Life seems dull and boring without them we're used to high drama living. In times when it feels boring you might even find that you will create drama just spice things up a bit. Resist this urge and recognize life isn't boring, but rather peaceful and that's okay.
Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...
If you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way .. then you can expect to be let down.
Expectations = disappointment. Disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions, from there the ball just keeps rolling.
YOU CAN STOP THE BALL at any time - by learning to love YOU!. Take all that energy you have been investing into your addiction "the addict" and put it into yourself by doing what is in your best for you, do the things you enjoy. Take back control of you and your life. Make it what you want it to be instead of waiting for the addict to change to make you happy. Make yourself happy. It is possible, however, it takes focusing on something other than the "addict". Get something done that maybe you've been putting off while spending time obsessing over the addict and his/her behavior.
Do something for YOU. Take a bubble bath, do your hair, put on some makeup, go to a movie, grab a bite to eat (one you don't have to make or cook), begin to be good to you. You deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You got all this love to give and no one to give it to, well, who better of a candidate for it than yourself.
I must warn you, doing for you will not come naturally as it defies the co-dependent nature totally and you might find that you don't want to do for you. It might literally take making yourself do for you. You might find that you feel guilty like you don't deserve good treatment or like you've abandoned your addict. All I can say is if you feel those feelings, "Good!" because that means your on the right track. Stay on it, keep on keepin' on and before you know it ... You'll begin to like the person you see in the mirror and you'll find she makes a great best friend. She can even take you by the hand, guide and walk with you as you journey down the road to loving yourself.
Passion
Recovering Addict/Codependent
Here is how it plays out.
Firstly, the addict says something so out in left field that it takes you off guard, you are baffled and before you have a chance to react, a string of absolute ******** pours forth pulling the rug out from underneath your feet. You start to fall and on your way down you get hit with a verbal blow that stuns you, followed by vile words used to knock the air out of you, hurtful ones kick you while your down. Insults and cruelty follow in perfect timing. Snicker and blame enter in soon after.
Then, a loved one you hold dear is the prime weapon here.
Fuel for the hell fire. That loved one is verbally murdered right there in front of you. Your ears cannot escape the horror. Target words rivet your body and mind as verbal bullets blast your loved one apart. Bitterness and hatefulness are companions in this synchronized mayhem ...
Final move: The darkest of dark and straight from the heart of hell pure evil comes in to ensure the kill and pukes up the most horrendous words that form the very sentence that takes you out, kills the heart of your spirit and cuts the throat of your soul
And when all is said and done, the addict just walks away as if nothing happened ...
You are left in the wake of the damage and destruction that comes with the territory of loving someone who has an addiction.
Addiction has no conscience, the addict becomes what addiction creates therefore he/she has no conscience either. As the addiction progresses the person you once knew goes spiraling out of control, descending to deeper levels further down the pit and all the while being charred beyond recognition
The very thing the addict does to you is inadvertently being done to the addict via their addiction in the darkest form of evil you can imagine. Addiction assassinate the person of all they once were and turns them into a breathing zombie who is your worst nightmare
I guess it would be safe to say that what goes on inside the addict shows by what comes out of the addict - addiction mirrored in actions, words and deeds.
It is so very hard to remember that the addict doesn't think, talk, act or behave like a "normal person" and even more important to remember they don't feel like a normal person and by that I mean their feelings and emotions are all being snuffed out ... all that is left is "CAN'T"
The addict can't even be there for themselves much less for anyone else. The one thing that you can count on is YOU CAN'T COUNT ON AN ADDICT. They simply do not have the capability to be there for you.
The addict carries the cross of addiction around every where they go - addiction makes a person weak.
The addict is our addiction therefore making us weak - it is a viscous cycle
Hardcore reality check = both addicts are now spiraling down into the pit of addiction hell and both are being charred on the way down .. both beyond recognition.
Ever hear a recovering addict say "I can't believe what I became"
Ever hear a recovering co/dependent say, "I didn't even know who I was anymore and I didn't like the person I had become?" our brains are warping in the heat ... We're being charred in the pit .... ...
Crisis mode and Chaos is followed by excitement and adrenaline rush. At the same time we complain about all the drama and chaos the addict has brought to our lives. We become addicted to them. Life seems dull and boring without them we're used to high drama living. In times when it feels boring you might even find that you will create drama just spice things up a bit. Resist this urge and recognize life isn't boring, but rather peaceful and that's okay.
Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...
If you find yourself expecting your addicted loved one to do, say, act, feel or behave in a certain way .. then you can expect to be let down.
Expectations = disappointment. Disappointment feeds and breeds more negative thoughts and emotions, from there the ball just keeps rolling.
YOU CAN STOP THE BALL at any time - by learning to love YOU!. Take all that energy you have been investing into your addiction "the addict" and put it into yourself by doing what is in your best for you, do the things you enjoy. Take back control of you and your life. Make it what you want it to be instead of waiting for the addict to change to make you happy. Make yourself happy. It is possible, however, it takes focusing on something other than the "addict". Get something done that maybe you've been putting off while spending time obsessing over the addict and his/her behavior.
Do something for YOU. Take a bubble bath, do your hair, put on some makeup, go to a movie, grab a bite to eat (one you don't have to make or cook), begin to be good to you. You deserve it just as much as anyone else does. You got all this love to give and no one to give it to, well, who better of a candidate for it than yourself.
I must warn you, doing for you will not come naturally as it defies the co-dependent nature totally and you might find that you don't want to do for you. It might literally take making yourself do for you. You might find that you feel guilty like you don't deserve good treatment or like you've abandoned your addict. All I can say is if you feel those feelings, "Good!" because that means your on the right track. Stay on it, keep on keepin' on and before you know it ... You'll begin to like the person you see in the mirror and you'll find she makes a great best friend. She can even take you by the hand, guide and walk with you as you journey down the road to loving yourself.
Passion
Recovering Addict/Codependent
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
Reading that just solidifies that they have a script! Yikes...amazing how you can take away the names and describe a very similar story to most of us here. Makes me sick! Thanks for posting this...and very clever writing too! :-)
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well said, Passion.
The health world has for a long time feared a "pandemic", a disease that will flourish and take over beyond control. I say addiction is that disease, it is everywhere, affects everyone, and yet instead of throwing money at research and treatment, they throw the addicts in jails and think they have solved the "problems".
The addicts cry out...and no one hears. It's just sad.
The health world has for a long time feared a "pandemic", a disease that will flourish and take over beyond control. I say addiction is that disease, it is everywhere, affects everyone, and yet instead of throwing money at research and treatment, they throw the addicts in jails and think they have solved the "problems".
The addicts cry out...and no one hears. It's just sad.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by nytepassion 
Another trap for ourselves is when we begin expecting the addict to behave and act like a "normal person" ...Recovering Addict/Codependent
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by Ann
Well said, Passion.
The health world has for a long time feared a "pandemic", a disease that will flourish and take over beyond control. I say addiction is that disease, it is everywhere, affects everyone, and yet instead of throwing money at research and treatment, they throw the addicts in jails and think they have solved the "problems".
The addicts cry out...and no one hears. It's just sad.
The health world has for a long time feared a "pandemic", a disease that will flourish and take over beyond control. I say addiction is that disease, it is everywhere, affects everyone, and yet instead of throwing money at research and treatment, they throw the addicts in jails and think they have solved the "problems".
The addicts cry out...and no one hears. It's just sad.
In my la-la land moments, I envision a compulsory vacination that would render all substances incapable of inducing an altered state and physical dependency.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Thank you, Nytepassion.
It is true, what you describe, I have lived it as have so many others.
Those who have children, and who continue to live with an addict, are often in denial that the venom from the addict's mouth can be aimed at a child. And a child does not have the ability to handle it. The child will believe every word of what the addict says the child is--and you can count on it being a hateful attack on the child's worth in some way. And the child will fold those words inside his or her little mind and believe, possibly for the rest of his or her days, that what the addict said was true.
This is the lethal danger to children when a codependent parent will not walk away from marriage to an addict. The codependent, in her illness from the effects of addiction, abandons her child to the verbal abuse of the addict parent. The child is emotionally ravaged and unprotected. Traumatized to the core.
The codependent may not even witness this verbal assault on the child.
But it inevitably happens.
It is true, what you describe, I have lived it as have so many others.
Those who have children, and who continue to live with an addict, are often in denial that the venom from the addict's mouth can be aimed at a child. And a child does not have the ability to handle it. The child will believe every word of what the addict says the child is--and you can count on it being a hateful attack on the child's worth in some way. And the child will fold those words inside his or her little mind and believe, possibly for the rest of his or her days, that what the addict said was true.
This is the lethal danger to children when a codependent parent will not walk away from marriage to an addict. The codependent, in her illness from the effects of addiction, abandons her child to the verbal abuse of the addict parent. The child is emotionally ravaged and unprotected. Traumatized to the core.
The codependent may not even witness this verbal assault on the child.
But it inevitably happens.
Just Keep Swimming
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 75
Originally Posted by EnglishGarden
The child will believe every word of what the addict says the child is--and you can count on it being a hateful attack on the child's worth in some way. And the child will fold those words inside his or her little mind and believe, possibly for the rest of his or her days, that what the addict said was true.
I am very early in the codie recovery process. I have looked at the Family Recovery Manual, but it is definitely over the heads of my kids. I am going to start taking them to alateen meetings. Do you know of any other helpful resources for kids that have already been damaged? I try to talk to them as much as possible, but they are not always very responsive. I know it will be a long road.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
When children are damaged from an addict parent's cruelty, it is best if they can speak to a professional counselor, for they just cannot be honest and open with the codependent parent. Children are terrified that anything they say, to either parent, will create some terrible consequence, some disaster. The child believes--if not told otherwise by an authority figure like a counselor or pastor--that he causes the abuse he experiences, that he causes the alcoholic to drink, the drug addict father to disappear, the codependent mother to weep.
The child believes this because the child cannot psychologically accept that his or her parent is abandoning him. He cannot accept that the problem is the parent, the very person the child needs desperately for protection.
So the child decides everything is his own fault. This gives the child a feeling of control. And the child then tries to control any future disasters or abuse by putting on a mask and being what the child thinks the parent wants him to be.
But if a professional speaks to the child, and knows how to speak to the child, then the child can be freed from his chains and the child can again believe in his own goodness and worth.
If not, the child may eventually become an addict, and try to control his overwhelming feelings through substance abuse. Or the child may become a codependent and try to control an abusive addict in marriage. It is not the child's fault that he experienced trauma and later seeks control. The cycle can go through many generations in a family.
The venomous words from an addict's mouth do not leave welts. But all of us here know how they shatter us.
When I left an AH many years ago, my boy was 7 and I sent him to a counselor and it helped him very much. I was not the person to help him. It needed to be an outsider with whom my son felt safe.
None of us need carry any shame for being the victims of addiction. The addict, the codependent, the children are all victims of addiction.
But it's the grown-ups who have to straighten up and seek help to stop the cycle Nyte describes.
The child believes this because the child cannot psychologically accept that his or her parent is abandoning him. He cannot accept that the problem is the parent, the very person the child needs desperately for protection.
So the child decides everything is his own fault. This gives the child a feeling of control. And the child then tries to control any future disasters or abuse by putting on a mask and being what the child thinks the parent wants him to be.
But if a professional speaks to the child, and knows how to speak to the child, then the child can be freed from his chains and the child can again believe in his own goodness and worth.
If not, the child may eventually become an addict, and try to control his overwhelming feelings through substance abuse. Or the child may become a codependent and try to control an abusive addict in marriage. It is not the child's fault that he experienced trauma and later seeks control. The cycle can go through many generations in a family.
The venomous words from an addict's mouth do not leave welts. But all of us here know how they shatter us.
When I left an AH many years ago, my boy was 7 and I sent him to a counselor and it helped him very much. I was not the person to help him. It needed to be an outsider with whom my son felt safe.
None of us need carry any shame for being the victims of addiction. The addict, the codependent, the children are all victims of addiction.
But it's the grown-ups who have to straighten up and seek help to stop the cycle Nyte describes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 159
I heard from a counselor that when a child is exposed to an addict and/or verbal/physical abuse, it can actually "rewire" their brains and they are changed for life. I haven't studied that, but it does touch them to the core.
Our daughter was exposed to about 6 months of on/off full use with my ex. One time he verbally abused me in the middle of a coffee shop in front of her (called me an f-ing b####). He was holding our daughter at the time and I grabbed her from him and said "we are leaving now as I won't tolerate you treating me that way in front of her".
I still regret meeting him that day, but my divorce attorney had advised me to keep to the visit schedule unless he was high. I did terminate the meeting, but wish there were far less times our 3 year old was exposed to her dad when he was in active addiction. Most of the time he was just "not present" but that was one time where it was very scary for both my daughter and me.
He is in recovery now, but my radar is up for when it happens again. We are also working on a safety plan that says we terminate all parenting time visits for 30-90 days if he uses again.
Our daughter was exposed to about 6 months of on/off full use with my ex. One time he verbally abused me in the middle of a coffee shop in front of her (called me an f-ing b####). He was holding our daughter at the time and I grabbed her from him and said "we are leaving now as I won't tolerate you treating me that way in front of her".
I still regret meeting him that day, but my divorce attorney had advised me to keep to the visit schedule unless he was high. I did terminate the meeting, but wish there were far less times our 3 year old was exposed to her dad when he was in active addiction. Most of the time he was just "not present" but that was one time where it was very scary for both my daughter and me.
He is in recovery now, but my radar is up for when it happens again. We are also working on a safety plan that says we terminate all parenting time visits for 30-90 days if he uses again.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
This is painful reading. Nyte's post and mine and others.
I just need to add that God--however one understands God--has blessed us with healing opportunities, with healers in recovery, and that divine holiness is eternal in each of us and that each of us and our children can recover from pain, can thrive in renewal, and can make beautiful lives.
I have many friends in recovery who are the most beautiful souls and who are able to sit with others who are in pain, and hold with them, because they were once wounded themselves and understand as "few others can" (an Al-Anon quote).
Do not despair. Healing is very possible, for anyone of any age. And the rebirth can be amazing.
I just need to add that God--however one understands God--has blessed us with healing opportunities, with healers in recovery, and that divine holiness is eternal in each of us and that each of us and our children can recover from pain, can thrive in renewal, and can make beautiful lives.
I have many friends in recovery who are the most beautiful souls and who are able to sit with others who are in pain, and hold with them, because they were once wounded themselves and understand as "few others can" (an Al-Anon quote).
Do not despair. Healing is very possible, for anyone of any age. And the rebirth can be amazing.
Reach Out and Touch Faith
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: On a Sailboat
Posts: 3,871
Thank you ntepassion and my HP for helping me see this
My addictive sister has using behavior again tonight. She came home and started fighting with me right away. I was out for over four hours and she left during that time. She left orange juice out when she left.
I came home and mentioned it in passing and she tried to put it on me! She said her hands were full and she was hoping I'd take imitative. Yeah, and what about the three hours before I got home? Was the glass going to walk away by itself?
Seriously, WTF
My addictive sister has using behavior again tonight. She came home and started fighting with me right away. I was out for over four hours and she left during that time. She left orange juice out when she left.
I came home and mentioned it in passing and she tried to put it on me! She said her hands were full and she was hoping I'd take imitative. Yeah, and what about the three hours before I got home? Was the glass going to walk away by itself?
Seriously, WTF
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
I know this voice, sadly I know it all too well.
But here's my dilemma......after I read this and I knew what you wrote was so true, I texted my STBXAH for the first time in a long while. I feel like someone told me the burner was hot and I had to check it out for myself, all while knowing it was hot.
I can't figure out what triggered me enough to text him. Is it fear? Is it me refusing to accept it? I am still refusing to admit I am powerless? Am I just taking his temperature?
I regret texting him. I really don't want anything to do with him especially while in active addiction. Thankfully, he didn't take the bait and ignored me. That has become our new dance! He texts me, I ignore it unless it's relevant. Now he is doing the same. I am the ultimate buzz killer.
Any helpful thoughts are welcome.
But here's my dilemma......after I read this and I knew what you wrote was so true, I texted my STBXAH for the first time in a long while. I feel like someone told me the burner was hot and I had to check it out for myself, all while knowing it was hot.
I can't figure out what triggered me enough to text him. Is it fear? Is it me refusing to accept it? I am still refusing to admit I am powerless? Am I just taking his temperature?
I regret texting him. I really don't want anything to do with him especially while in active addiction. Thankfully, he didn't take the bait and ignored me. That has become our new dance! He texts me, I ignore it unless it's relevant. Now he is doing the same. I am the ultimate buzz killer.
Any helpful thoughts are welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
LMN ~ Exactly what you did by texting is exactly what he does when he picks back up. In the end it only means that there is more work to do. So keep taking good care of you, ok
And a bit of a hint …
Have you ever asked yourself why do I open myself up to pain?
Are my actions setting me up for pain?
Do I need the pain?
Surely that text if he played along would have brought pain, or more confusion, or something you probably didn’t need in the moment.
I had that question posed to me years ago, although in a different sense. I was done, I had it with the games and this wasn’t about him, but my mother. She was in an abusive cycle… So I said to a friend of mine that is it, I am just going to ask what I did so wrong, how I am such a bad person …. And he said, are you crazy, why in the world would you give her that power, why would you allow her to hurt you … do you need the pain?
Well you know what at the time I did. It served a purpose to keep me stuck and unhealthy. Keep me a victim and not a survivor.
Passion, thank you, great thread!
And a bit of a hint …
Have you ever asked yourself why do I open myself up to pain?
Are my actions setting me up for pain?
Do I need the pain?
Surely that text if he played along would have brought pain, or more confusion, or something you probably didn’t need in the moment.
I had that question posed to me years ago, although in a different sense. I was done, I had it with the games and this wasn’t about him, but my mother. She was in an abusive cycle… So I said to a friend of mine that is it, I am just going to ask what I did so wrong, how I am such a bad person …. And he said, are you crazy, why in the world would you give her that power, why would you allow her to hurt you … do you need the pain?
Well you know what at the time I did. It served a purpose to keep me stuck and unhealthy. Keep me a victim and not a survivor.
Passion, thank you, great thread!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Thank you inciting. Things have been going along pretty well for me lately, that maybe on some level, I needed the pain for some reason?? I would like to think it was a reminder of why I am choosing to distance myself and after he called me today, I did remember. But I am sure it goes much deeper then this.
But after today, I realize the temptation to want to rescue him is still there. The urge to try and change him is ever present. And acceptance is still difficult. So much more work is still needed and will be a life long process, I can see. But for now, I must keep no contact - unless absolutely necessary. There is only one thing left pending and after that I will force myself to stay no contact. I don't need or want the pain any more. I know I can't I change him and I really want a better life for myself.
But after today, I realize the temptation to want to rescue him is still there. The urge to try and change him is ever present. And acceptance is still difficult. So much more work is still needed and will be a life long process, I can see. But for now, I must keep no contact - unless absolutely necessary. There is only one thing left pending and after that I will force myself to stay no contact. I don't need or want the pain any more. I know I can't I change him and I really want a better life for myself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
I am sure you don’t want to at all to see him like he is now, even if you never ever see or speak to him again. Of course you want to change him, because you can actually see that he isn’t good how he is … but he has to be the one to understand that, and that is a real sad reality of addiction.
Maybe the pain seemed worth it, if only in hopes to hear something different from him?
But that is speculation, and only you will be able to figure it out.
How about this for a wrench in the process…
When you write that you need to stay no contact who are you saving you from, him or yourself?
It does get easier, just enjoy all that good and don’t miss anything!
Maybe the pain seemed worth it, if only in hopes to hear something different from him?
But that is speculation, and only you will be able to figure it out.
How about this for a wrench in the process…
When you write that you need to stay no contact who are you saving you from, him or yourself?
It does get easier, just enjoy all that good and don’t miss anything!
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Oh no contact is necessary for both us. It absolutely kills me to hear him and I also know I am the one who has always tried to hold a mirror up to his face, a mirror he doesn't want to look at.....yet. (I pray yet is soon). I have tried hard to stop holding up the mirror but there are times when I still do it, sometimes purposely, sometimes not. Sometimes, it just gets boring or too painful looking at my own mirror.
This much I know.....I still need a lot work with step 1 again. In my own delusional mind, there are times I still think I can reach him because I "believed" I had in the past.....which is probably why his recovery never really was. He wasn't doing it for himself.
This much I know.....I still need a lot work with step 1 again. In my own delusional mind, there are times I still think I can reach him because I "believed" I had in the past.....which is probably why his recovery never really was. He wasn't doing it for himself.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
The first 3 steps can be tough. A nightmarish dance. I had such a hard time with them because I had no passion, no conviction and had let myself get so sick that I lost all sense of who I was. I jumped to 4, and then they made sense. I did so much of this on my own with the help of friends, so if you have a sponsor talk to them … Don’t just stay stuck there, move on.
Acceptance…
Can I ask what could you possibly say today or show for that matter that he doesn’t know? Come on darling, you know this, you know it was never personal, and that he is an addict and right now way in active addiction. That is his choice, and it is ok … even if that sounds sick. And he knows his own truth, he isn’t ready to accept it. That is ok too.
And the mirror …
You are not suppose to stare! That was something one of my friends always wrote, you can look but don’t stare. It is the past …. From there I learned … make peace with it, heal from it, learn from it and live in spite of it.
Acceptance…
Can I ask what could you possibly say today or show for that matter that he doesn’t know? Come on darling, you know this, you know it was never personal, and that he is an addict and right now way in active addiction. That is his choice, and it is ok … even if that sounds sick. And he knows his own truth, he isn’t ready to accept it. That is ok too.
And the mirror …
You are not suppose to stare! That was something one of my friends always wrote, you can look but don’t stare. It is the past …. From there I learned … make peace with it, heal from it, learn from it and live in spite of it.
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