skarletstarlet

Hi there guys

I told my XAF that I would attend couple's counselling with him if he wanted it but will remain separated from him until he agrees to the counselling and some rehabilitative measures.

I am covered under both of my parents health benefit plans. Now, if we do couple's counselling, do we both need insurance or just one of us? My XAF has no insurance whatsoever as he is self employed and so are both of his parents.

I live in Ontario, Canada if that helps.

Thanks!!

Thumper

No clue about Canada. I am in the states and each insurance is different but when I went only one of us needed to be covered.

My personal experience is that a counselor that is familiar with addictions probably won't agree to do couples counseling if the addict is not in active recovery.

My personal opinion (so not worth much!) is that if you need couples counseling before you are even married then perhaps your energy is better used for individual counseling and growth. Let the 'X' of xaf stand.

skarletstarlet

I think that you might be right. I hate to admit it but he came here 7 years ago from another country (Poland) and he spent most of his life there. He treats me the way his dad treats his mom, which is how his grandfather treated his grandmother, etc.

His dad told me (this was the last time I spoke to him over 2 months ago) that he used to beat his mother because he was so stressed. He is also an alcoholic so no sympathy from me to him. Only for his mother do I feel sorry. They all hate me because I have a backbone and I won't take their crap. Sorry but if your mom is willing to put up with being treated like a slave, thats her choice.

I hate to think it has something to do with their cultural values... but I am starting to wonder. He works in a trade with Polish colleagues and they drink all the time on the job and my XAF has to drive everyone home and remain sober. Ugh its like a vicious circle of drinking.

ETA: I am Polish as well (heritage), also English... so I don't mean to offend!

tryintosmile

I might be able to help you here. Ontario has some of the best facilities for help and many of them are free of charge, funded by the Government. I'm not sure where in Ontario you are but that isn't important.

If you are interested in Detox and Rehab and/or just counselling, please contact these people.

ConnexOntario Health Services Information

(you can send them an e-mail - or call. They'll help you find the place closest to you, where your spouse can go for counselling, detox and rehab. Most places will also offer counselling for the spouse's families as well. These are not AA places. They have a different approach but will also encourage AA along with their programs. Most counsellors are great, from what I've heard. Some even better than psychologists you pay for, because they deal directly and hands on with addictions.

Good Luck!

skarletstarlet

Thank you so so much tryintosmile. I am from the Northern GTA (in between Barrie and Newmarket).

I will contact them now.

Thumper

At the end of the day it doesn't really matter if it is culture, or work, or family legacy. If he is not a good 'fit' for you then he just isn't. There is no guilt or shame or wrong in that. Your intuition has already told you/shown you that he isn't a good match for the rest of your life. He isn't going to meet your needs and he isn't going to change. Remember - he is showing you who he is so believe him! Don't try and change him. Trying to change others makes both people miserable. Your intuition is a smart cookie and only has one goal/desire and that is to look out for you. Quit arguing with her