cc88

I've mentioned in previous posts that a friend of my addict brother got clean and came to my parents asking for a place to stay. They said "Stay clean, have a job, and you have a home here" For a while, any time my brother visited he treated her like crap. He was jealous that my family loved her and supported her decision to get clean. Her boyfriend was actually my brothers NA sponsor. She was doing very well. had a job. signed up for school.

Yesterday was Easter dinner at my mom and dads house. She came in after dinner (Which is not uncommon. My family is huge and people come/go throughout the day for different parts of dinner, appetizers, main course, tea, desserts, etc.) but when she sat at the table I knew instantly she was high. It was kind of a shock, and this girl had become like a sister to me so I was upset for a few minutes but after that I was just concerned with my mom. It took her forever to be able to kick my brother out, I hate that someone else put her in this situation. I didn't know what shed do cause she grew to love this girl almost like a daughter. I figured I wouldnt ruin the day and call her out with everyone around the table eating food and enjoying each others company.

I went out to start my car and my wife came out to get her purse (my mother in law was sick so my wife opted to drive her home in her car) I said "did ____ look okay?" my wife goes "she looks high". So then I KNEW that she was. 1 person can be paranoid but 2 people cant both be imagining things. So I left, and had it in my head to text my mom later. My mom has this thing where she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and cant typically notice if someone is high.

Long story short, I called my mom that night and asked what happened. She said she already knew, and had already sat down and talked to this girl. It went something like this:

mom: Im worried about you, is something wrong? are you using again?
her: No i'm just really stressed and kinda depressed. etc. etc.
mom: okay so you can pass a drug test?
her: yep
mom: ok.. ill be right back
her: oh you mean now?
mom: yep
her: okay then ill just be honest, I can't.
mom: well the deal was if you were clean you could stay here, so I need to ask you to find another place to live

Im proud of my mom for trusting her gut and doing what she had to. Im upset that more than one person would put her in a situation where she needs to kick someone out of her house, but I guess she had calculated that risk before allowing her to live there

ANYWAYS

All that to say. I feel like drug testing is almost irrelevant. If you're one of those who cant get past "What if im wrong? I cant just accuse without proof?" Their actions are proof enough. Addicts aren't "Just really tired" or "not getting much sleep" Trust your gut. Its more accurate than a drug test anyways.

Windmills

Addicts even try to lie their way out of drug tests in my experience. I'm glad your mum was straight with her, I hope your friend is fair and moves out life she was asked without trouble.

ZombieWife

I dunno. It seemed to work with this woman when she realized she'd have to take a drug test. Drug tests seem to be a hot topic here. I think if there was ever a good way to "utilize" a drug test, it's in the way your mother handled it.

"Intuition" and "Gut feelings" can be great, but for some of us, that alarm system has been utterly compromised. I remember when things were bad and I did not trust my recovering loved one, I thought every tiny thing was proof of him using again. Everything. My intuition was fried. Now? A lot better, but when I was in the thick of it, I could not intuit my way out of a paper bag!