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I dont know what to call this thead

Old 04-08-2012, 05:20 AM
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Unhappy I dont know what to call this thead

I have been clean and sober 27 years. I have just recently started to have intrusive thoughts of drinking which I promptly remind myself of all I have to lose and use my recovery tools, I also share these thoughts sometiomes as I am doing now. I practice the steps with other alkies who are also dually diagnosed and come here as a good reinforcement and reminder.
Maybe i am just venting- but i havent had these thoughts in a long while- and i do mean long.
I know longer go to AA meetings- I go to Dual Recovery Anonymous. It may sound like an excuse and i dont care- i just no longer feel comfortable in AA since I moved to FL and I have a social anxiety disorder. There is no tolerance for dually diagnosed people in AA. I struggle to separate my alcoholism from my mental illness- they are so intertwined. My mental illness can triggger my alcoholism and vice versa. I also have bipolar, general anxiety disorder related to PTSD.. I know some people will take what Ive said as an opportunity to jump on me and tell me to just get over it and go to AA meetings. I tried that for two years here til I found DRA. There just arent alot of meetings here. I have a sponsor and a therapist. I just needed to reach out and share I guess. People tend to seem me as a "wise old timer" yet I still have alcoholism. I will never be cured. I am being constantly vigilent by trying to share.

Most comments or feedback welcome. Thanks for listening.

Last edited by Mo S; 04-08-2012 at 05:22 AM. Reason: typos! (as usual)
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Old 04-08-2012, 06:18 AM
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Glad you have DRA. Tried to find a meeting in my area but no luck. Sounds like you're doing all the right things. The enemy with outposts in your head can appear at any time IMO. As far as AA and dual diagnosis - I've not found unacceptance in my area. Sorry to hear that's what you experienced. The rehab I went to specifically targeted dual diagnosis because you have to treat both at the same time.
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:24 AM
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Mo, everything you shared makes sense to me. I have found a great deal of resistance and judgement from AA people for whom living the steps, according to them, fixed everything in their lives, and assume that they should also fix everything in mine.

I may never know if they are right or not. I have thought that I'd given my mental illness over to my HP, but the issues haven't lifted...maybe my HP doesn't want my mental illness either (joke, sorry)

I think that dual diagnosis options sound awesome, I have not yet gone that route. There are no meetings in my area, so I need to look at some online options.

My NA sponsor is very good about this, he's been around a long time and when my mental illness episodes become acute, he tells me to let it ride, and focus on that, because for me, that is living life on life's terms. He's not dual diagnosis himself, but he's sponsored enough of us to understand.

Personally, I have found less static from people in NA regarding this issue. I am only speaking from my own limited personal experience. I believe this stems from the use of the Basic Text rather than the Big Book, which puts things in different language and terms.

BB thumpers, not unlike many Bible thumpers seem to tend towards THIS is the answer to everything, saying "HP will save me"...and failing to see that maybe HP is saving ME the way God saved Noah and the animals from the flood, by providing a man made option to ride out the storm, in my case therapy and meds.

HP doesn't always have to work magic, HP can work through medicine, fellowship etc as well.

My HP has provided psych wards, friends, psych meds, suicide prevention hotlines and Sunshine.
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Old 04-09-2012, 08:33 AM
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I too have a dual diagnosis. I am newly sober, 5 1/2 mos. and am struggling myself. I had no idea about dual recovery anonymous. I don't think we have that where I'm from. I thank you for sharing that with me as I will look into it.

I don't feel comfortable in AA either. I've tried. I feel that when I bring up my bipolar or issues relating to alcoholism and it, that everyone just seems to brush it off. I feel like the seriousness of the situation is not really understood.

My latest run of an alcohol binge which lasted for months caused my moods to become so unstable that I ended up in the hospital with a suicide attempt. I am much better now that I have been sober for a while.

I really appreciate hearing about this new type of program and will be looking into it. Thank you!
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:29 AM
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I'm sober 20 years and also treated for depression that long. I go to AA for alcoholism and a shrink for depression. I've found it's better to not talk about medications in AA meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from a few ill-informed addicts. I suggest going to an AA meeting and talking about your drink signals. There's no reason to inform people about not going to meetings regularly or being in another recovery program. Remember, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking".
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Old 04-12-2012, 08:33 AM
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It would be nice to have DRA meetings close to me, but that isn't the case.

Like NYCDoglvr, I attend AA for my alcoholism, and see a psychiatrist and a therapist for my depression.

Fortunately I attend a very accepting AA group. However, I do not discuss my mental health issues at the meetings.

My alcoholism and mental health issues were/are very intertwined.

I'm glad you reached out and posted! Sending you hugs of support!
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Old 04-14-2012, 04:08 AM
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Thank you for the positive feedback. DRA has really saved my life. I wish there were tons of meetings in every area as it is such a safe place with a great "big book" and steps of its own. So many more would benefit. Alot less hardcore AA talk (forgive the expression). I go to AA and the topic comes up and I cant help but relate it to my mental illnesses. Thats the struggle in even sharing. So much of my sobriety is credited towards treating my mental illness. Also hard to hear so many people struggling with it in AA and getting scofffed at bringing up my experience. I feel i do those peole a disservice if I sweep it under the rug as so many do out of lack of info or innnocent ignorance.

Like I said: DRA has saved me.

Thanks again so much for your feedback.
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Old 04-15-2012, 03:55 AM
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I have not heard of DRA before today,It seems like what I have been looking for.
I have attended AA for most of my adult life....also Grow,NA,Tranx Release,and now Adult Children Annonmous.

I have been Addicted to Alcohol,Tranqualisers,Gigs and I have been suffering Anxiety,Panic State+Depression for most of my life.Im have not had any medication for over 25 years....and I dont want to.....ill suffer it out.

I am now attending ACA for over 2 years....the laundry list is me...
The thing is....is it everybody.
Here it is for those of you not Familure.

The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic

We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.

We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.

We are frightened of angry people and any personal criticism.

We either become alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

We live life from the viewpoint of victims and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.

We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.

We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.

We became addicted to excitement.

We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."

We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).

We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.

We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.

Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.

Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.



I want a program thats me....does it exist.
In other words ,is there a program specifically that suits me out there.
Duel Recovery seems to fit the Bill.....leaning towards Adult Children stuff....or does DRA deal with blanked memories,Numbed emotions like ACA does.

Cheers all
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Old 05-03-2012, 11:25 PM
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I had the same experience at AA. Once they found out I was struggling with PTSD they started to convince me to seek help for it instead of alcoholism. The drinking started in order to quell the effects of PTSD. However treating the PTSD will not treat the dependancy, any more than treating the dependancy will treat the PTSD. Recently public pressure to increase funding for PTSD has made it much easier to receive help for it. (thank you public.) And since most who are struggling with PTSD also have problems with addictions they basically becomes Dual Recovery support groups. As for people that say get over it when they find out how many problems you have. Ignore them PTSD is like that.
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Old 05-04-2012, 05:12 PM
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr View Post
I'm sober 20 years and also treated for depression that long. I go to AA for alcoholism and a shrink for depression. I've found it's better to not talk about medications in AA meetings because I don't want unsolicited advice from a few ill-informed addicts. I suggest going to an AA meeting and talking about your drink signals. There's no reason to inform people about not going to meetings regularly or being in another recovery program. Remember, "the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking".
Right there is the exact reason why I gave up on AA. I fully respect them for what they're trying to do, but it seems that if they don't understand it they don't want to hear it. In the middle of a share I've been asked to keep to the topic of alcoholism. It's not right that you have to hide feelings in an enviroment that preaches openness. I've only been a member here for a short time and already I feel more comfortable, safer, and secure than I ever did at AA. The first time I have a bad day will be the true test. As then you will hear some strange ramblings!
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Old 05-08-2012, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by zanzibar View Post
Right there is the exact reason why I gave up on AA. I fully respect them for what they're trying to do, but it seems that if they don't understand it they don't want to hear it. In the middle of a share I've been asked to keep to the topic of alcoholism. It's not right that you have to hide feelings in an enviroment that preaches openness. I've only been a member here for a short time and already I feel more comfortable, safer, and secure than I ever did at AA. The first time I have a bad day will be the true test. As then you will hear some strange ramblings!
Just the other day I heard someone say "70% of what goes on in a meeting is BS and it's up to you to find the 30% that will save you and follow that."
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Old 05-22-2012, 06:52 PM
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Your absolutetly right on that as AA helps a whole lot more people than it doesn't help. And it's impossible to condemm them with their track record. In short they don't help all alcoholics who look for help, but they do help most of them. They have my blessing even though I didn't fair well.
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Old 05-23-2012, 09:01 AM
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Not the reason that I stopped going, but I wanted to add my DITTO to the idea that people in AA often have a horrible tendency of dispensing medical and medication advice at meetings.

The people I was closest with in my old home group knew all about my severe mental health issues and understood well-enough that I needed more than AA for peace of mind and the tools to stay sober. Though there were also numerous occasions where getting psychiatric treatment was scoffed at by some who felt that if I was more monogamous to the program I wouldn't need medication.
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