Jekyll and Hide drinking
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Edinburgh
Posts: 1
Jekyll and Hide drinking
Over the past eighteen years I've gradually reduced my alcohol consumption but I cannot find complete happiness without getting drunk once in a while. I fear the things I may do when I'm drunk but usually I don't do these things. Most of the time I drink till my head swirls and go to sleep.
The trouble is my brother is an alcoholic. He's been in a bad way for the last six years and getting worse by the day. He sometimes has bags of vomit lying in his room and mostly about ten to twenty empty bottles of various alcoholic spirits. He's now experiencing kidney failure.
I have a very similar character to him. I'm quite clever but stumble around nervous most of the time. Alcohol does not give me courage rather it severs the nerves so that I can behave the way I want without being conscious of what I am doing.
When I was younger I spent whole weeks on LSD and months taking amphetamines. I ended up living in homeless accomodation for four years. When I first came out of homelessness everytime I was drunk I went back to the hostel. I insulted the people who tried to help me and left myself isolated.
I met and married an older woman and had two children. After five years I was divorced but still had a good relationship with my exwife. I was drinking two bottles of wine a night. She didn't like it and we argued alot.
I began to sleep around at the age of thirty. It seemed exciting and since the girls came to me I just assumed I should go ahead. Its created complications in my life which I'm finding difficulty dealing with. I want to go back to my exwife for the sake of my kids but I find it difficult to get along with her.
Anyway everytime I drink I'm terrified of what I might have said or done. I can't leave the house for days afterwards and I let the place turn into a dump. It takes me about three days to recover and I know that if I were to continue to drink I'd be in the same place as my brother.
After several months have passed and I've been sober a long while I start to get jumpy, agrivated, and seek a way out of whatever I am doing. I have walked out of so many jobs its a miracle I can be considered employable.
The trouble is my brother is an alcoholic. He's been in a bad way for the last six years and getting worse by the day. He sometimes has bags of vomit lying in his room and mostly about ten to twenty empty bottles of various alcoholic spirits. He's now experiencing kidney failure.
I have a very similar character to him. I'm quite clever but stumble around nervous most of the time. Alcohol does not give me courage rather it severs the nerves so that I can behave the way I want without being conscious of what I am doing.
When I was younger I spent whole weeks on LSD and months taking amphetamines. I ended up living in homeless accomodation for four years. When I first came out of homelessness everytime I was drunk I went back to the hostel. I insulted the people who tried to help me and left myself isolated.
I met and married an older woman and had two children. After five years I was divorced but still had a good relationship with my exwife. I was drinking two bottles of wine a night. She didn't like it and we argued alot.
I began to sleep around at the age of thirty. It seemed exciting and since the girls came to me I just assumed I should go ahead. Its created complications in my life which I'm finding difficulty dealing with. I want to go back to my exwife for the sake of my kids but I find it difficult to get along with her.
Anyway everytime I drink I'm terrified of what I might have said or done. I can't leave the house for days afterwards and I let the place turn into a dump. It takes me about three days to recover and I know that if I were to continue to drink I'd be in the same place as my brother.
After several months have passed and I've been sober a long while I start to get jumpy, agrivated, and seek a way out of whatever I am doing. I have walked out of so many jobs its a miracle I can be considered employable.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome Keef....Sounds like you're ready for some kind of recovery program to throw yourself into...There are some options here that have worked for people....This doesn't get better the more you drink....I hope you and your brother look for and get the help you need. There is great support here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome Keef.
Well done on reducing your alcohol consumption. But it sounds like it still controls you.
Have you tried any methods to help you stop before? I am using AVRT and have read the Allen Carr book easyway to stop drinking before which I found really helpful. Or get yourself to an AA or SMART meeting.
You really don't need alcohol in your life.
Glad you posted here
Well done on reducing your alcohol consumption. But it sounds like it still controls you.
Have you tried any methods to help you stop before? I am using AVRT and have read the Allen Carr book easyway to stop drinking before which I found really helpful. Or get yourself to an AA or SMART meeting.
You really don't need alcohol in your life.
Glad you posted here
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome Keef
I think it's great you've cut back but even if alcohol causes you these problems twice a year that sounds like it might be two times too many?
I had a toxic relationship with alcohol - I eventually realised I can be the man I want to be and lead the life I want to lead...or I can drink - but I can't do both.
You'll find a lot of support here
D
I think it's great you've cut back but even if alcohol causes you these problems twice a year that sounds like it might be two times too many?
I had a toxic relationship with alcohol - I eventually realised I can be the man I want to be and lead the life I want to lead...or I can drink - but I can't do both.
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Keef, I found sobriety through A.A. I highly recommend it.
Alcoholism is a multi-faceted disease (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). A.A. will help you address all these issues
All the best.
Bob R
Bob R
Alcoholism is a multi-faceted disease (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual). A.A. will help you address all these issues
All the best.
Bob R
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,146
It doesn't look like you're doing well drinking. Why not decide to stop for a year and at least get your bearings about what you want to do?
If your problem isn't too serious you should be able to decide to stop with a firmly made ironclad decision to ignore any impulses to drink again. If you can't go a year then you've got something that will require more in the way of a solution, possibly meaning you'd be faced doing things you'd rather not have to do.
Most in that boat wind up doing more appealing things that work short term but not for very long, and the years pass alternating between drunk and sober. Not the rut you want to live in.
Good luck, hope you can do it.
If your problem isn't too serious you should be able to decide to stop with a firmly made ironclad decision to ignore any impulses to drink again. If you can't go a year then you've got something that will require more in the way of a solution, possibly meaning you'd be faced doing things you'd rather not have to do.
Most in that boat wind up doing more appealing things that work short term but not for very long, and the years pass alternating between drunk and sober. Not the rut you want to live in.
Good luck, hope you can do it.
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Originally Posted by Keef 
I cannot find complete happiness without getting drunk once in a while.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Keef!
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I'm glad you're here, though. I have to agree with eJoshua about the "complete happiness" thing...... If we always end up sick and miserable, have we solved anything?
I found a lot of strength and inspiration here. I hope you keep reading and posting!
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I'm glad you're here, though. I have to agree with eJoshua about the "complete happiness" thing...... If we always end up sick and miserable, have we solved anything?
I found a lot of strength and inspiration here. I hope you keep reading and posting!
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