Windblown

Should I go get AH's drug stash and hide it to show an attorney or judge proof of his addiction in court if we get divorced. Should I go throw it down the toilet? Should I go wake him up and show it to him that I found it again...and he lied to me again?

Ann

Personally I would call the police and let them handle it. If you take possession, then you can be charged and sadly, you would not be the first here to go to jail for someone else's crime.

Edited to add...this could be dangerous for you when he finds out what you have done. The best thing would be to just leave, maybe take a picture with your phone if you want "evidence".

Do you have children who may be in jeopardy with drugs and paraphernalia in the house? If so, please protect them any way you can, it's heartbreaking how many times they are the ones to find what can hurt them.

Hugs

dollydo

I'd take a picture, record the date and where it was found. Get to the attorney and start the ball rolling.

itsanewday2011

Hi - I agree - take a picture and make sure you keep well documented notes of this drug use, etc. I found they were very handy to go back to. When I found a bunch of baggies and rolled up money, I saved them for a bit, but it didn't end up doing anything other than serving as a reminder to me. In the end, it didn't matter at all in the divorce, but ours is a "no fault" state.

I also wonder if children are involved too?

Taking5

Take a video. First catch the Today show or a news show that will tell you the date, then walk over to the stash and film it. This way there is no way he can deny when this happened. Then call your attorney and/or the police.

story74

Do whatever you can to protect you and your child. Get a really good lawyer and make sure the proof you are collectiing will fly in court. Get the addict out of your life asap. Its not worth it. It is so painful, but it is for the best. You deserve so much better. Blessings

inpieces314

I agree with anvil, who cares? Get the divorce, git r done, get rid of him. Paraphernalia doesn't make a difference, and legally, it's not a civil matter anyway, so I doubt any judge will give it any serious weight in a divorce anyway. Drug use and possession is a matter for criminal court. So if there is anything you want to do, you have to call the police and get him arrested. Which probably still isn't worth it. Just get the divorce.

Honestly, I don't see how evidence of paraphernalia runs straight to divorce anyway, so chances are, you were thinking about this before you ever found it. So just do it if you want to, you don't need the paraphernalia as an excuse.

ZombieWife

I don't think it's proof of use just having the stuff in the house. Also, why would this is "proof" for divorce. Is the physical proof more important than the mental and emotional abuse?

I agree with taking a picture or video if you want evidence, but I'm not sure who the proof is for?

Windmills

In the past, several times actually, things were so crazy and my ex was so abusive that he could actually make me believe that I was insane/stupid and the things I'd seen had never existed, or had been something else. After the first few times I started to keep the evidence or at least photograph it. Not for him, or anyone else, I never showed anyone. But I was in a position where I didn't trust my own experiences and my own memory, I could actually allow him to overwrite that. For many reasons I suppose, but when you're told everyday you're so crazy and stupid and don't know anything about anything etc etc, it starts to stick with you.
That was a bit of a tangent. I was just thinking on xombiewuife's point about who is it actually for? I don't know anything about proof for divorce there as I'm in the UK but I know a lot about needing proof for myself.

ZombieWife

(hugs Windmills)

If it helps you, then gather it. But, filing for divorce (at least here in the states) pretty much requires you going to the courthouse and petitioning for the divorce. Not sure what happens if he fights it. You'll have mountains of evidence to "show" your reasons from what you've told us.

You know that you don't deserve any of this, right? Nobody deserves to be told they are crazy. Or to be treated as he's treated you. You don't sound "crazy" at all to me, hon. Not one bit.

GoldfishSyn

The same thing has happened to me! I chose my screen name, GoldfishSyn, after Goldfish Syndrome - a term for horrible short term memory. I had to start keeping a journal so that I wouldn't let him convince me I was really crazy!!

Windmills, I think a thorough journal may be helpful in divorce proceedings as well. Record the date, what you found, what he did, etc. If not for the divorce, it will certainly help your sanity! I look back over my journal when I begin to doubt myself. I am so forgiving by nature that I almost instantaneously forget all of the bad things he has done when he apologizes. With the journal, I can look back and remember what I have gone through. I also use it to remind myself that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior when I need strength to pull through.

Windmills

Someone else said that to me recently too so I have actually started making a note of the date and what happened, just for my own memory because I do start to think I'm remembering wrong. I'm very lucky in that we never got married, we were engaged but he kept blowing the deposit for a ring.. It's strange to call that lucky, but tonight at least I count that as a lucky escape

StillLearning1

Windblown-
My ex was similar, and like you I doubted myself.

You may want to research something called "the stockholm syndrom"-

But what is SO NICE?
No contact with my ex. What was normal for me, at one time? Isn't anymore!
It is so nice... to be free from that.
I wish you the same,
SL