AS just completely relapsed- again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
AS just completely relapsed- again
Hello. Haven't been here for a while because I couldn't take the way some people were so forceful with their suggestions and perhaps because I wasn't ready to really deal with the issues at hand.
Well.....15 months later with mh AS in drug court outpatient, was smoking spice. Started having major anxiety issues and going off, including at outpatient. They also found out about the spice. Basically, they felt they couldn't meet his needs any longer, that he needed mental health services, which is true.
At court last week he was permitted to opt out of the program and provided proof of starting services with mental health. The judge there said he couldn't really do much at this point and recommended my son go back to the drug court judge, who knew him better. The court date isn't until June 16!!! Meanwhild no reporting to probation, no drug testing, just pursue mental health.
I was worried whether or not my son could handle it, but nothing I could do.
Well......guess it was too much freedom for him. Found needles at the house. He's not slept in three days and has lost so much weight. I didnt suspect much until he kept complaining about throwing up and spent all last night in the bathroom throwing up. Today I found the needles. His girlfriend found one too when he was in her car and she kicked him out of the car and gave him bus money to get home.
Shortly after he was home I confronted him about the needles and about what he was doing. Suggested we go to emergency psych treatment assessment to seee about meds or perhaps his checking in for a few days to get clean and get the proper meds. I told him he can't keep using and stay here.
He was taken back by the suddenness of if all and getting found out by both his girlfirend and I on the same day. I told him we could see how it goes for the night and decide what to do in the morning.
I asked him if this was the path he really wants to go on again. He knows where it will lead. He is still on probation until end of next year, even if there isn't formal reporting right now.
Here's what I am wrestling with: I definitely do not want to continue to put up with his using here and going through that again. But, I don't know how much time to give him. I want to nip it in the bud and take him for treatment/detox asap. Traditional detox take forever to get into. Now I don't have the resources at outpatient or drug court to work with and they would only recommend he go back to jail.
sober living isn't an option, since he doesn't have any money and I won't pay for that, only to have him kicked out after testing dirty. Rehabs all have a waiting list, for the most part.
since the court has recommended mental health and he needs it, i think that's the way to go. He has an appt with a dr. this coming friday at the County mental health facility he's enrolled with. I could consider waiting until then, but I don't know if it would make any difference.
My younger son, (20) is still here and it woud make him nuts if he found out his brother was using again.
If he checks in and gets on the proper medication, sticks to taking it, and other servcies, I might let him come back. He would have to get a job, which he's been looking for, but no luck as yet.
I don't want to put him out in the street. Everything takes time to process, including getting in a shelter. It would be good if he could get housing through mental health. Given that...........I'm tempted to give him the week to get it together and consider some options, including going to mental health emergency treatment. Does that seem realistic and reasonable???
On the other hand, I'll be at work during the week until 6 or 7 some days...which means he'll be here using and doing so without money. Oh yearh....he sold a2 or 3 lb bag of cheese I had in the frig yesterday....which he said was for cigarettes. Who cares if his food stamps bought it or not....it's the principle of the thing. First cheese...then who knows what?
Help!
Well.....15 months later with mh AS in drug court outpatient, was smoking spice. Started having major anxiety issues and going off, including at outpatient. They also found out about the spice. Basically, they felt they couldn't meet his needs any longer, that he needed mental health services, which is true.
At court last week he was permitted to opt out of the program and provided proof of starting services with mental health. The judge there said he couldn't really do much at this point and recommended my son go back to the drug court judge, who knew him better. The court date isn't until June 16!!! Meanwhild no reporting to probation, no drug testing, just pursue mental health.
I was worried whether or not my son could handle it, but nothing I could do.
Well......guess it was too much freedom for him. Found needles at the house. He's not slept in three days and has lost so much weight. I didnt suspect much until he kept complaining about throwing up and spent all last night in the bathroom throwing up. Today I found the needles. His girlfriend found one too when he was in her car and she kicked him out of the car and gave him bus money to get home.
Shortly after he was home I confronted him about the needles and about what he was doing. Suggested we go to emergency psych treatment assessment to seee about meds or perhaps his checking in for a few days to get clean and get the proper meds. I told him he can't keep using and stay here.
He was taken back by the suddenness of if all and getting found out by both his girlfirend and I on the same day. I told him we could see how it goes for the night and decide what to do in the morning.
I asked him if this was the path he really wants to go on again. He knows where it will lead. He is still on probation until end of next year, even if there isn't formal reporting right now.
Here's what I am wrestling with: I definitely do not want to continue to put up with his using here and going through that again. But, I don't know how much time to give him. I want to nip it in the bud and take him for treatment/detox asap. Traditional detox take forever to get into. Now I don't have the resources at outpatient or drug court to work with and they would only recommend he go back to jail.
sober living isn't an option, since he doesn't have any money and I won't pay for that, only to have him kicked out after testing dirty. Rehabs all have a waiting list, for the most part.
since the court has recommended mental health and he needs it, i think that's the way to go. He has an appt with a dr. this coming friday at the County mental health facility he's enrolled with. I could consider waiting until then, but I don't know if it would make any difference.
My younger son, (20) is still here and it woud make him nuts if he found out his brother was using again.
If he checks in and gets on the proper medication, sticks to taking it, and other servcies, I might let him come back. He would have to get a job, which he's been looking for, but no luck as yet.
I don't want to put him out in the street. Everything takes time to process, including getting in a shelter. It would be good if he could get housing through mental health. Given that...........I'm tempted to give him the week to get it together and consider some options, including going to mental health emergency treatment. Does that seem realistic and reasonable???
On the other hand, I'll be at work during the week until 6 or 7 some days...which means he'll be here using and doing so without money. Oh yearh....he sold a2 or 3 lb bag of cheese I had in the frig yesterday....which he said was for cigarettes. Who cares if his food stamps bought it or not....it's the principle of the thing. First cheese...then who knows what?
Help!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Surrey
Posts: 135
Yeah he'll likely steal something else, I know how difficult it is to get into the shelters rehab and recovery houses right away. I would try to find a shelter right away? Emerg Mental health seems like a good option if they put him in the hospital immediately and hold him for observation. You do have the option of just kicking him out too, and letting him make his own way. I'm sure there will be other better suggestions from this forum than mine, but it amazes me how we take all of this stuff on for addicts. At this point I wouldn't necessarily look so far in the future as to him coming back to live with you, like if he would get a job, if he's on the right meds, if he's not using etc etc, he's using and without treatment and some recovery under his belt, he'll likely use again in your house, do you want to go through that? What about just sticking with this, he has to go somewhere else because he used in your house and stole from you, period. Also you have to think about your other son. At this point, I am not sure I'd let him stay at all, not even til the end of the week. You could still help him to the mental health appointment. Another thing comes to mind, what if you told the police he was using drugs in your house and felt it was a risk him being there, wouldn't they put him in jail or fast track into the drug court? And what about your idea of him going right away into emerg mental health? Your post is a bit all over the place and I just think that you don't need to have him at your home using, it's too much of a risk and disruption for you and your family. Also possibly if he is really sick and throwing up all the time, you could call emergency 911 and they could take him to the hospital?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: PM me....
Posts: 468
Vaya.....
I don't know your history but just wanted to mention that from everything I have read, and with my own experience with my daughter......mental health would not do one single thing until my daughter was clean and sober and had been for a period of time.
I've always heard that they cannot assess or treat any mental issues while they are using.
If you don't know what mental health might say....you might want to check that angle out first before deciding.
I hope this helps.
I don't know your history but just wanted to mention that from everything I have read, and with my own experience with my daughter......mental health would not do one single thing until my daughter was clean and sober and had been for a period of time.
I've always heard that they cannot assess or treat any mental issues while they are using.
If you don't know what mental health might say....you might want to check that angle out first before deciding.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm sorry to hear that he is using again. I have no suggestions for you other than to take it one day at a time and take care of you. Being the mother of an addict is the toughest thing I've ever done.
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
You and your dear son will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I too am very sorry you are facing this. I tried so hard with my son too, I let him move home many times with boundaries in place and rules for him to abide by and promises from him to stay clean...and sadly it ended badly each time. I suggest you hide all valuables while he is there, or remove them from the home if you think he may find them (they are quite good at out-thinking us). Bank cards, check books, and money should be kept with you or in a safe place at all times. Sadly, I learned to sleep with my purse under my pillow...it was the only way to keep it safe.
Someone else mentioned it, but it is impossible to do a thorough and proper mental health analysis on someone who is actively using drugs. They can help him while he withdraws and in early days of being clean, they can discuss his issues, but not until he is clean at least 6 months can they go much further than that.
The Salvation Army has very good recovery programs and is free. Yes, there may be a short wait but often you can get in withing a week or two and often a rehab will take you in if you have a program waiting for you in the near future. I hope he gives it a try.
And I hope you continue to come here for support, these days will wear you out. If you can find a meeting in your area, you may want to give them a try. Many of us have been helped enormously by Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA, three similar fellowships that are about us, and about regaining our sanity.
Again, I am so sorry for what you are facing. Just remember that when they get desperate enough they may start making better decisions. When they have a soft place to land (that would be our homes) there is no motivation for them to change. Sometimes it is we who must change, to save our lives and theirs.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
Someone else mentioned it, but it is impossible to do a thorough and proper mental health analysis on someone who is actively using drugs. They can help him while he withdraws and in early days of being clean, they can discuss his issues, but not until he is clean at least 6 months can they go much further than that.
The Salvation Army has very good recovery programs and is free. Yes, there may be a short wait but often you can get in withing a week or two and often a rehab will take you in if you have a program waiting for you in the near future. I hope he gives it a try.
And I hope you continue to come here for support, these days will wear you out. If you can find a meeting in your area, you may want to give them a try. Many of us have been helped enormously by Al-anon, Nar-anon or CoDA, three similar fellowships that are about us, and about regaining our sanity.
Again, I am so sorry for what you are facing. Just remember that when they get desperate enough they may start making better decisions. When they have a soft place to land (that would be our homes) there is no motivation for them to change. Sometimes it is we who must change, to save our lives and theirs.
Hugs from one mama's heart to anothers.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you for your understanding and repsonses. As for mental health, he is already in their system and scheduled to see a Dr. this Friday. I was thinking he could go tomorrow and expedite matters regarding anxiety, as well as investigate housing/shelter options. They don't test him there and he's already participating in their process. Mental health issues are and have been a problem for him for a while. He's dual diagnosis.
Otherwise, I could take him to the urgent psych care place. They also help people with substance abuse problems.
He says he'll stop. I won't believe it unless he is willing to seek some kind of treatment. I can't wait much longer.
Otherwise, I could take him to the urgent psych care place. They also help people with substance abuse problems.
He says he'll stop. I won't believe it unless he is willing to seek some kind of treatment. I can't wait much longer.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
While some may disagree, sometimes, the mental illness needs to be treated before substance abuse recovery can fully take hold. Someone who has real, clinical depression will have a hard time working a 12 step program unless it's treated.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you Justfor1. I agree. I feel that the rehab programs my AS has been in have not properly dealt with the mental health issues. My AS has been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, (which he's had most of his life), bi-polar disorder and has panic attacks. It was the drug court outpatient program that recommended mental health services.
Most of the rehab programs won't permit clients to take medicine while in their program, at least the one's he's been in. That did just make him tough it out more until he couldn't take it and then went back out and used. It's been the same cycle each time. Yes he's an addict, but he also continues to self medicate.
Now he's in treatment...or at least beginning the process.
Most of the rehab programs won't permit clients to take medicine while in their program, at least the one's he's been in. That did just make him tough it out more until he couldn't take it and then went back out and used. It's been the same cycle each time. Yes he's an addict, but he also continues to self medicate.
Now he's in treatment...or at least beginning the process.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
Most rehabs will allow someone on anti-depressants but not benzo type drugs used for anxiety. The benzo type drugs can be abused but a very respected addiction psychiatrist I saw said sometimes they are needed. It's a "thorny" type issue in recovery.
Best of luck to you & your son.
Best of luck to you & your son.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
J41 is correct. More and more treatment/rehab places are now starting to allow 'clients' to continue to take their Anti D's but NOT benzo drugs.
They have/are starting to finally realize that many alcoholics/addicts became that way from trying to self medicate their mental health issues (I was one of those folks, found out early that alcohol and they later alcohol and drugs SLOWED down my 'cycling' drastically). Maybe with a 'diagnosis' in hand from a Psych Dr (they are MDs with specialty in Psych) a rehab can be found for him that DOES WORK with dually diagnosed Alkies/Addicts/Mental Health.
(((((vaya))))) you are correct, and my heart goes out to you and your son, unless he is willing and seeks the help (hopefully tomorrow) there is nothing you can do except TAKE CARE OF YOU.
We are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
They have/are starting to finally realize that many alcoholics/addicts became that way from trying to self medicate their mental health issues (I was one of those folks, found out early that alcohol and they later alcohol and drugs SLOWED down my 'cycling' drastically). Maybe with a 'diagnosis' in hand from a Psych Dr (they are MDs with specialty in Psych) a rehab can be found for him that DOES WORK with dually diagnosed Alkies/Addicts/Mental Health.
(((((vaya))))) you are correct, and my heart goes out to you and your son, unless he is willing and seeks the help (hopefully tomorrow) there is nothing you can do except TAKE CARE OF YOU.
We are walking with you in spirit.
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 341
Thank you for your support and suggestions. The Families Anonymous group I used to go to suggested the mental health component a while back, but I couldn't get him to follow through at the time. I also wasn't sure what the outpatient program would allow. He says he wants the help now. I can only pray he follows through.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
