New Here and unsure
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 47
New Here and unsure
Hi everyone,
I'm a 31 year old stay at home mom of 3. I'm married to a great guy and we just moved to a new state a few months ago. We are in a house with an in-law apt attached, which my MIL lives in. She and I get along great. She is not a drinker. My husband has a few beers everyday, but I've only seen him drunk a handful of times. My dad is a high functioning alcoholic who doesn't really drink during the week but gets plastered on weekends. My mom just quit drinking after she fell down the stairs and fractured her face while drinking...she admits that she never thinks she's had enough and doesn't know when to stop. She sounds a lot like me.
I drink every night. After I put the kids to bed I drink about 1-2 bottles of wine. I never used to be able to drink this much. I would have one glass and have a headache in the morning. Then I started taking Effexor for my anxiety and terrible panic attacks. The Effoxor works great. I don't need my Xanax anymore and haven't had a panic attack in a long time...but I noticed that it is an alcohol tolerance pill for me. I can drink a lot an really never get a hangover (unless I get around the 3 bottle mark, then I may feel a little crummy for the first hour of the day or so).
But it was getting to the point where my husband would be tired and go to bed around 9:30 and I would stay up until 12:30, sometimes later, drinking. I just feel the need to get drunk every night and I don't know why. But I'm afraid to stop, and part of me doesn't really want to. Part of me obviously realizes that drinking bottles of wine a night isn't normal or healthy, but the other part says "it's not hurting anyone else." I guess registering on this site is a clue that I really do have a problem.
I also have social anxiety and feel that I "need" a drink in social situations. But I am awful drinking in social situations. I drink too much, and much FASTER than I do at home and I have blacked out several times in the last year. I've thrown up 3 times with no memory of it, heckled a comedian and done other stupid things that I am really ashamed of.
The other thing is the GUILT. Every morning I wake up and feel so guilty and awful. I tell myself that I need to quit drinking. But then an hour into the day I change my mind and start wanting to drink.
I didn't drink for about 2 years at one point b/c I felt the alcohol was making my panic attacks worse. Then I tried drinking again and would just have one drink and be fine. But now it's different.
For the last 2-3 nights, I've only had 1 bottle of wine and gone to sleep with my husband at 9:30 and the morning guilt is a little less. I don't think I can quit completely....but I know I'm not good at telling myself when to stop either.
Thanks for reading.
I'm a 31 year old stay at home mom of 3. I'm married to a great guy and we just moved to a new state a few months ago. We are in a house with an in-law apt attached, which my MIL lives in. She and I get along great. She is not a drinker. My husband has a few beers everyday, but I've only seen him drunk a handful of times. My dad is a high functioning alcoholic who doesn't really drink during the week but gets plastered on weekends. My mom just quit drinking after she fell down the stairs and fractured her face while drinking...she admits that she never thinks she's had enough and doesn't know when to stop. She sounds a lot like me.
I drink every night. After I put the kids to bed I drink about 1-2 bottles of wine. I never used to be able to drink this much. I would have one glass and have a headache in the morning. Then I started taking Effexor for my anxiety and terrible panic attacks. The Effoxor works great. I don't need my Xanax anymore and haven't had a panic attack in a long time...but I noticed that it is an alcohol tolerance pill for me. I can drink a lot an really never get a hangover (unless I get around the 3 bottle mark, then I may feel a little crummy for the first hour of the day or so).
But it was getting to the point where my husband would be tired and go to bed around 9:30 and I would stay up until 12:30, sometimes later, drinking. I just feel the need to get drunk every night and I don't know why. But I'm afraid to stop, and part of me doesn't really want to. Part of me obviously realizes that drinking bottles of wine a night isn't normal or healthy, but the other part says "it's not hurting anyone else." I guess registering on this site is a clue that I really do have a problem.
I also have social anxiety and feel that I "need" a drink in social situations. But I am awful drinking in social situations. I drink too much, and much FASTER than I do at home and I have blacked out several times in the last year. I've thrown up 3 times with no memory of it, heckled a comedian and done other stupid things that I am really ashamed of.
The other thing is the GUILT. Every morning I wake up and feel so guilty and awful. I tell myself that I need to quit drinking. But then an hour into the day I change my mind and start wanting to drink.
I didn't drink for about 2 years at one point b/c I felt the alcohol was making my panic attacks worse. Then I tried drinking again and would just have one drink and be fine. But now it's different.
For the last 2-3 nights, I've only had 1 bottle of wine and gone to sleep with my husband at 9:30 and the morning guilt is a little less. I don't think I can quit completely....but I know I'm not good at telling myself when to stop either.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Welcome to SR SomewhereElse...It's a good place....That doesn't sound like normal drinking to me...I'm an alcoholic....I know about that. I got to the point I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop...Or if I even could.....More like whether I could....Do you feel like you should stop for good?...Completely?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Guilt, shame, remorse, and the amount you are drinking... none of it is good. I hope you stop drinking because your life will be so much better. Sure, after you stop drinking you'll likely have to look at your issues and your methods of coping with them, anxiety etc., but you will need a clear head to do that, and alcohol only makes everything worse. I have suffered from anxiety and depression and dealing with these things sober is a billion times better than dealing with them while drinking! Best wishes. And welcome to SR. 
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR, Somewhere. I drank to get drunk too. Couldn't stop. Trying cutting down, but that was too much of a struggle. I've found that not drinking is easier than teasing myself with half the amount I needed to get drunk.
Hope you will give some thought to quitting completely.
Hope you will give some thought to quitting completely.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome SomewhereElse -
I could have written your post a couple years ago...... (although I'm a single mom). I'm glad you found this forum - for one thing, you'll know that you're not alone and the support and inspiration here is wonderful.
Yeah, a bottle or two of wine every night will take you down sooner or later. I found myself drinking almost that much at the end. No one knew I wasn't doing great, but I felt like I was just holding on by my fingernails. Still, I didn't want to give it up. I think that's what addiction is......
Keep reading and posting - you're among friends who understand!:ghug3
I could have written your post a couple years ago...... (although I'm a single mom). I'm glad you found this forum - for one thing, you'll know that you're not alone and the support and inspiration here is wonderful.
Yeah, a bottle or two of wine every night will take you down sooner or later. I found myself drinking almost that much at the end. No one knew I wasn't doing great, but I felt like I was just holding on by my fingernails. Still, I didn't want to give it up. I think that's what addiction is......
Keep reading and posting - you're among friends who understand!:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Hi somewhereelse
I know what it's like to think you can't quit completely...if cutting back seems more reasonable by all means you can try that (if you haven't already?), but I was never able to do that myself...once that 'switch' in me was flipped? all my good intent vanished.
I can reassure you - life doesn't end if you stop drinking - if I'm honest my life really started again once I stopped - and mine is just one of many many stories here
glad to have you here -welcome
D
I know what it's like to think you can't quit completely...if cutting back seems more reasonable by all means you can try that (if you haven't already?), but I was never able to do that myself...once that 'switch' in me was flipped? all my good intent vanished.
I can reassure you - life doesn't end if you stop drinking - if I'm honest my life really started again once I stopped - and mine is just one of many many stories here
glad to have you here -welcome
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome SomewhereElse. I think you'll find your story is a familiar one for many people here. I'm only a month sober but for me the turning point was looking at different ways of recovery most of which I'd never heard of before coming here, like AVRT and SMART. Before it was just 'quit drinking' which obviously just sent me into a blind panic. I hope you find the help and support you need.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Well, your drinking sounds somewhat like mine was, toward the end.
I don't know if this will be helpful to you but I tried an approach called Moderation Management. It did not work for me--I couldn't follow the program because once I start drinking, I keep going--but it did help me to see the difference between my drinking and the drinking of someone who does have the capacity to cut down. You might have an entirely different result and find that you CAN cut down, or you might find that, like me, you can't and need to make abstinence your goal.
If you want to look them up, here's a link:
Moderation Management
I don't know if this will be helpful to you but I tried an approach called Moderation Management. It did not work for me--I couldn't follow the program because once I start drinking, I keep going--but it did help me to see the difference between my drinking and the drinking of someone who does have the capacity to cut down. You might have an entirely different result and find that you CAN cut down, or you might find that, like me, you can't and need to make abstinence your goal.
If you want to look them up, here's a link:
Moderation Management
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Harm reduction (HAMS) is a similar one but I just found the whole concept very depressing, I'd much rather just not drink and be free.
I had huge anxiety problems too SomewhereElse and after a very short period sober things are looking so much better.
I had huge anxiety problems too SomewhereElse and after a very short period sober things are looking so much better.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,966
Welcome to SR!
I research anything my doctor prescribes. I assume you haven't done any internet research on Effexor or Effexor & alcohol. I'd take a look if I were you. There is a strong link with the two. That and the withdrawal of Effexor in general. I used firefox server to search: Effexor & alcohol. Read the first ten sites.
I research any medication others are prescribed. I just found that alcoholism is called a "blood sugar disorder" from some people. There's also a strong connection between several drugs and the onset of alcoholism or increase in drinking, among other information.
Lots of information is available, but please start with the prescribing doctor!
Please talk with your doctor after you do some research.
I wish you all the best!
I research anything my doctor prescribes. I assume you haven't done any internet research on Effexor or Effexor & alcohol. I'd take a look if I were you. There is a strong link with the two. That and the withdrawal of Effexor in general. I used firefox server to search: Effexor & alcohol. Read the first ten sites.
I research any medication others are prescribed. I just found that alcoholism is called a "blood sugar disorder" from some people. There's also a strong connection between several drugs and the onset of alcoholism or increase in drinking, among other information.
Lots of information is available, but please start with the prescribing doctor!
Please talk with your doctor after you do some research.
I wish you all the best!
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